It gets better and better for the country’s most famous sex advice columnist.
Dan Savage is changing the world one video and one orgasm at a time. No, he’s not an Olympic gold medalist in masturbation. The openly gay journalist, author and media pundit created the It Gets Better Project to help prevent suicide among LGBT youth. He’s also the man behind the longrunning internationally syndicated sex advice column Savage Love.
It Gets Better has ballooned into a worldwide movement, spawning a new bestselling book co-edited by Savage and his husband Terry Miller, a tearjerking Google Chrome ad campaign and an upcoming documentary and TV project. President Obama even weighed in with a video of his own. Savage spoke with Fenuxe about the sexual hangups of gay guys, the history of topping and bottoming, what keeps him from choking his husband to death and who he wishes would submit an It Gets Better video.
Fenuxe: So Dan, what’s the most common sex issue that gay men ask you about?
Dan Savage: There’s really two. One is the ins and outs and logistics and complications and glories of anal sex and how to make it work – getting comfortable, learning how to like it if you don’t and sexual safety around HIV and AIDS.
And the other is really about love. Even those of us who come out in middle school or high school don’t start dating until we’re out of high school. They’re on a steeper learning curve and it makes them self-conscious because a lot of their straight friends have several longterm relationships under their belt by the time they’re halfway through college and a lot of gay guys haven’t even had their first. They think there’s something wrong with them, and there isn’t.
So, “How do I get a d— in my A?” and “How do I get love in my heart?” are the two big questions from gay guys.
Fenuxe: There’s been talk about how younger generations of gay men aren’t as hung up on sexual roles as in the past, that they’re more fluid about being versatile. Do you think that’s true?
Savage: Well I’m old enough to see that tide come in and out now. When I was coming out everybody was versatile, and the clone generation right before me – you know, the mid-70s gay guys – everybody was a top or a bottom. And when I came out, everyone was versatile and you f—– and got f—–. And then in the 90s this pitcher-catcher bullshit came around and suddenly you were a top or a bottom again and versatility was suspect. And now it’s just the pendulum swinging back and forth.
Fenuxe: You’ve said before that one of your biggest roles as a sex columnist is helping people get an orgasm. Can the importance of an orgasm be overstated?
Savage: [laughs] Well it’s good for prostate health. It’s also good for emotional health, it releases those natural oxycontins or whatever they’re called into the bloodstream. And it’s a natural anti-depressant. You know, your junk does something, and you need to let it do what it does.
And in a longterm relationship, it really helps strengthen and solidify that bond. There are times I want to kill my husband. I want to wrap my hands around his throat and choke him to death. And then a part of my brain says, “No, no, no! Don’t choke him to death, you’re gonna need that throat for later!”
Fenuxe: [laughs] Well that was the perfect ending to the sex questions. So whose was your favorite It Gets Better submission?
Savage: There’s one by a guy named Bruce in Chicago that’s in the book and he talks about how he attempted suicide twice and he kind of sold his family short because he was so afraid of coming out to them. It was after that second suicide attempt that he decided to come out. What was really beautiful about his piece was he tells this story about his dad who was at his sister’s engagement party and pulled his boyfriend aside and asked his boyfriend when he was going to marry his son. And that kind of growth in a family is very inspiring.
And I also really loved Gabrielle Rivera’s piece, it’s one of those early videos and she’s in the book too. She’s a Latino lesbian, Bronx born and raised, and kind of called bullshit on how the guys who were making videos were rich and white Her video said “It doesn’t get better. I’m not going to tell you that. You get stronger.” Which was the Latino lesbian, Bronx born version of “It gets better.” And I thought her video was really smart and insightful and moving.
Fenuxe: Who was the most surprising person to submit an It Gets Better video? I assume President Obama?
Savage: His kind of blew my mind because I was such a tough critic of the Obama administration in the year and ten months when they weren’t delivering on their promises to the LGBT community. You could have knocked me over with a feather when the White House called and said the president would record a video. And they not only recorded a video, they were calling me to let me know and they were giving it to us first to release on the “It Gets Better” website.
Fenuxe: So who is the one person out there you wish would submit a video?
Savage: I would like Sarah Palin to do one. Sarah “I have gay friends” Palin whose daughters have gone on Facebook and called people faggot. She doesn’t have to say “I’m for gay marriage,” but she could at least say “I’m against gay suicide.” You know, somebody’s gotta do her daughters’ hair, it’s gonna be one of us. She might want to keep us around.
, author of the sex  '''', has won a  for his work on the . He started the project in 2010 to address a series of incidents of . 

 in 2005 Savage and his husband, Terry Miller, co-edited a book featuring selections from the It Gets Better Project. The book, '''', includes a piece from  Barack Obama – who also filmed a video for the online project. In both the book and the online project itself, individuals submitted contributions with messages of hope and optimism directed towards LGBT teenagers.


In an interview published Thursday with '''', Savage commented on his initial response when contacted by the  to receive a video contribution from the President for the It Gets Better Project: "You could have knocked me over with a feather when the White House called and said the President would record a video. And they not only recorded a video, they were calling ''me'' to let me know and they were giving it to us first to release on the 'It Gets Better' website."

The Webby Award is presented anually by the , for excellence on the Internet. Savage was selected for recognition with a Special Achievement Award for his work on the It Gets Better Project. His project focuses on combatting bullying directed against teenagers who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender.