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Benefit Payment: How to Get Paid

Slide 1

[Narrator speaks]

In this video, I'll talk about requesting benefit payments.

Slide 2

[Narrator speaks]

Let's start with some basic information first.

You can only receive unemployment benefits for weeks when you meet all eligibility requirements.

When you request a week of benefits, you answer questions that help us determine whether or not you are eligible.

Slide 3

[Narrator speaks]

You request one week at a time, and you ALWAYS request benefits for a previous week; NEVER for the current week.

You have only a limited amount of time to make a benefit request for any given week.

You must make weekly benefit payment requests in a timely manner, even if you're waiting to find out if you are eligible.

If you wait too long to make a request, benefits for that week may no longer be available.

Slide 4

[Narrator speaks]

To determine if you're eligible, we ask four types of questions:

If you worked during the week you are requesting,

If you had any other sources of income that you haven't already told us about,

If you quit or were discharged from any jobs recently, if you've refused a job, or failed to apply for an available job.

We'll also ask if you're available for work and actively seeking work.

If you're unavailable for work due to training that's been approved by the Unemployment Insurance Program, we'll ask if you are making good progress in your training.

It's important to answer these questions accurately, so let's look at each one.

Slide 5

[Narrator speaks]

The first question we ask is whether or not you worked or had a paid holiday during the week you are requesting.

If you do not report all work, you will have to repay benefits that were overpaid.

You can avoid misreporting your work and having to repay benefits by remembering these points:

Answer "Yes" if you worked AT ALL during the week in any kind of paid OR unpaid work.

For example if you worked at your old job, started a new job, temporary or part-time work, self-employment, or volunteer work.

You should report the work for the week you did the work, and not when you were paid. Even if you think you already told us about it, report the work.

If you're not sure whether you should report the work, call Customer Service BEFORE you answer the question.

Slide 6

[Narrator speaks]

If you did work during the week you requested, we'll ask you some additional questions:

We'll ask for the total number of hours you worked between Sunday and Saturday of the week,

Slide 7

[Narrator speaks]

And for your gross wages for the week.

Gross wages is the amount of your pay before subtracting deductions or withholding.

[Screen text: Gross wages = hours x hourly pay rate]

To calculate your gross wages, multiply the number of hours you worked by hourly pay rate.

You don't need your paycheck to make this calculation. You just need to know your hourly pay rate and the hours you worked between Sunday and Saturday.

If you're not sure how to calculate your hours and earnings for the week, call us and we can help.

Slide 8

[Screen text: Other income?]

[Narrator speaks]

The next question asks about any income you haven't already reported to us.

The most common types of income are severance pay, pensions, Workers' Compensation, and Social Security retirement or disability payments.

If you're not sure how to answer this question, give us a call.

Slide 9

[Narrator speaks]

The third question asks about loss or refusal of employment.

If you refused a job offer, quit, or were discharged from a job during the week for which you're requesting benefits, you'll need to tell us about it.

If you're not sure how to answer this question, call Customer Service for assistance.

Slide 10

[Narrator speaks]

Finally, we'll ask about your search for work.

To be eligible for benefits, you must be fully available for work. This means that if you are offered a job, you could start work immediately.

If you are on vacation, cannot be reached by employers, have no transportation, or have other barriers to starting work immediately, you probably are not available for work.

You also have to be physically able to do your usual work.

Slide 11

[Narrator speaks]

Here is some information to help you meet this requirement: If you usually work full-time, you need to be available for full-time work.

If your occupation commonly works different shifts, you need to be available to work those shifts.

If you're in school, and NOT in a training program approved by the Unemployment Insurance Program, you cannot let your school schedule interfere with your search for work or your availability for work.

Slide 12

[Narrator speaks]

Each week, you also need to actively look for work. This means working on your resume, contacting employers, and networking with others who can help you connect to a job.

When you are receiving unemployment benefits, looking for your next job should be your full-time job.

It's a good idea to keep track of what you're doing to look for work in case we ask. Visit a WorkForce Center if you need help finding work.

If you're not sure how to answer the work search questions, call us and we can help.

Slide 13

[Narrator speaks]

Now let's look at how to request a benefit payment. There are two ways to submit your request, online or by phone.

You can log in to your online account from 6:00 A.M. to 6:00 P.M., Monday through Friday.

You can request a payment by phone from 6:00 A.M. to 6:00 P.M., Tuesday through Friday. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays, you need to follow a call schedule based on the last digit of your Social Security number.

Slide 14

[Narrator speaks]

Now, let's go over the basic steps for requesting benefits online.

First, you'll need to log in to your account. The easiest way to get to the login page is to start at, and click Applicants.

Then, on the Applicant page, click Request Benefits. This will take you to the login page.

Slide 15

[Background image: Applicant Self-Service System My Account Home page.]

[Narrator speaks]

Once you log in, you'll go to the Home Page of your Benefit Account.

Next, click the option to Request Benefit Payment. You'll find this option listed in the left navigation, and also in the center of the page.

If you do not see the Request Benefit Payment option, it means one of three things: You've already requested payment for all the weeks available to you at this time,

Your account is inactive and needs to be reactivated, in which case you can click the Reactivate option,

Or, you're past the end of your benefit year and you need to apply for a new account. In this case, choose the Apply for Benefits link.

For this video, let's assume you see the Request Benefit Payment link.

Slide 16

[Background images: Applicant Self-Service System Request Payment Home page and Address Verification page are displayed as mentioned in narration.]

[Narrator speaks]

Once you select Request Benefit Payment, you'll be reminded of the information you need, and asked to verify your address. Then, you can start the actual payment request process.

Slide 17

[Background image: Applicant Self-Service System Initial Questions page]

[Narrator speaks]

When you get to the Request Benefit Payment page, make sure you pay attention to the period of time for which you are requesting benefits.

Remember, it's always a one week period, Sunday through Saturday, and always in the past.

Never the current week.

Read each question carefully and think about your answers before checking a box. Remember, you are responsible for answering each question accurately.

Depending on your answers, we may need to ask a few more questions.

When you've answered all the questions, you'll confirm your answers, and then we will calculate your payment for the week.

Slide 18

[Narrator speaks]

If the week you are requesting is your first week, it's probably going to be your non-payable week.

The first week in which you are eligible and have a benefit account is called your "non-payable week," and you do not receive a payment for that week.

The non-payable week is required by law and everyone has to have one before they can receive benefits. Your payment amount for your non-payable week will display as zero dollars.

Slide 19

[Narrator speaks]

Once you complete your non-payable week, your payment amount will be between zero dollars and your Weekly Benefit Amount, depending on your answers to the eligibility questions.

If you worked more than 32 hours, or had gross earnings greater than your weekly benefit amount, your payment amount will be zero dollars.

The same is true if you are not eligible that week for any other reason.

Slide 20

[Narrator speaks]

If you have an issue on your account that needs to be resolved, your payment amount will show zero dollars until the issue is completed.

At that time, we will send you any payments that you requested and for which you are eligible.

Slide 21

[Narrator speaks]

I hope you've found this video helpful in understanding how to request benefits. Here are some reminders:

You always request benefits one week at a time, and it is always for a past week.

Report ALL work.

Tell us about any new sources of income.

Be available for work and look for work.

And request your benefit payments in a timely manner. Don't delay requesting benefits, even if you're waiting to find out if you are eligible, or you may lose them.

Slide 22

[Narrator speaks]

If you have questions, check our website, or call Customer Service. [Screen text: Website: | Call Customer Service: 651-296-3644 (Twin Cities area), 1-877-898-9090 (Greater Minnesota), 1-866-814-1252 (TTY for the hearing impaired) | Links for more information: Using Your Password, Information Handbook, How To Request Benefit Payments, Video Library]

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Jane Eyre

Beauty and the Representation of Authenticity: Women in Jane Eyre

In the novel Jane Eyre, author Charlotte Bronte places great importance on the appearance of her characters, repeatedly evaluating their attractiveness through narrative descriptions and dialogue. Her heroine, Jane, is mentioned countless times as plain, small and unpleasant looking. Jane's rival, Blanche Ingram, is described as the opposite; she is beautiful and ornate, heavily adorned with jewels and bright colors. Rochester chooses to marry Jane over Blanche, and by doing so he emphasizes the importance of a heroine's female authenticity, or worthiness of trust, belief and reliance. In Jane Eyre, Bronte uses Blanche and Jane's differences in beauty to illustrate female authenticity, or lack thereof. Jane is unadorned by jewels and fancy colors, reflecting a more genuine, direct person. It is Blanche's construction of beauty that impairs her authenticity; her ample decorations, colors and even her way of speaking are conventionally beautiful, but are merely adornments that disguise her true self.

Even in the beginning chapters when Jane is recalling her childhood, Jane's unattractiveness is clear. Jane is excluded from playing with Mrs. Reed's children unless she achieves " - a more attractive and...

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There will be 200 fewer new buses, nine fewer renovations of subway stations and no more new double-decker cars on the Long Island Rail Road under a scaled-down five-year transit rebuilding plan announced yesterday by the Metropolitan Transportation Authority.

The agency's chairman, Peter E. Stangl, said Monday that he had decided to cut back its proposal for renovating the New York region's subway, bus and commuter rail lines. Yesterday, Mr. Stangl detailed the specific cuts he was proposing.

He told the M.T.A. board that he wanted to trim a total of $900 million, or 8 percent, from the $11.5 billion plan proposed in February.

The reductions come after some state lawmakers argued that such a large expenditure would be difficult, given the state's budget problems, declining mass-transit ridership and what several legislators described as waste in current transit rebuilding efforts. Mr. Stangl said he had ordered the reductions after taking over as chairman in April, and not in response to the lawmakers' criticisms.

Renovation plans were curtailed for each of the transit agencies overseen by the M.T.A. The Transit Authority, which runs the city's subways and buses, will buy 1,500 new buses during the five-year plan, not the 1,700 buses proposed in February. Rehabilitation of the station for the Grand Central shuttle has been dropped.

So has a new $57 million bus depot proposed for Staten Island, which would have been the borough's third depot, transit officials said. The revised plan also eliminates a proposed $170 million reconstruction of a subway bottleneck, near the intersection of Nostrand Avenue and Eastern Parkway in Brooklyn, where the Nos. 2, 3, 4 and 5 lines intersect.

Instead of 107 subway stations being renovated, as the February plan had proposed, 96 stations will get face-lifts. Installation of huge new fans, which are used to ventilate the subway during fires and other emergencies, will also be curtailed: 39 new fan plants, as they are called by transit officials, will be built, and not the 57 proposed earlier. New fans became a priority after criticism over the performance of existing fans during a fire in December near the Clark Street station in Brooklyn that killed two people.

Some less expensive proposals, like the rehabilitation of the ceilings and walls of the Brooklyn Battery and Queens Midtown tunnels, have also been dropped. So has a proposal from the Metro-North Commuter Railroad, which serves Westchester and southern Connecticut, to reconfigure the interior of Grand Central Terminal to improve the flow of passengers.

The Long Island Rail Road had to shelve plans to buy new double-decker cars, as well as new locomotives that can run on both diesel fuel and electricity. The railroad recently bought about 10 new bi-level cars and several of the advanced locomotives, transit officials said.

Many of the most innovative proposals in the original rebuilding plan, such as electronic turnstiles and automatic fare cards for the subway, remain in the revised plan.

The proposal, if approved by the M.T.A. board and the State Legislature, would be the agency's third five-year rebuilding effort. About $16 bilion has been spent during the last decade to overhaul the subways, buses and commuter lines.

The rebuilding plan, which would be paid by the city, state and Federal governments, is to be presented to state legislative leaders early next month.


Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Inspired by Inness and Tennyson

Experience is an Arch, 24x30, acrylic on  linen, Jan Blencowe, copyright, 2011
view this painting in a sample frame on my website

Th Alban Hills, 1873, George Inness

Ever since I first saw this George Inness painting with a central archway formed by trees in the near middle ground inviting the viewer to wander through I have wanted to use this motif in a painting.

I kept my eyes open for a situation like this one and was rewarded last fall.

As soon as I came upon this line of trees in the marsh it instantly reminded me of Inness' painting the Alban Hills.  I decided on a medium large canvas 24x30, and decided to continue my exlorations of leaving portions of the watercolor like underpainitng showing in some areas and adding some wildlife to the piece.Can you see the Eastern Cottontail in the lower left?

I wanted to say a word here about using another artwork or a photograph (that's not one you've taken yourself) as inspiration for a painting you create. This is a good example of what is actually permissible. I borrowed a concept. The concept of using trees that form an arch as a motif in my painting.  If the Inness painting were a photograph I came across on the internet I could still have created the painting I did, borrowing the concept. BUT I could not have copied the photograph and simply changed a bit of the color or added building etc. so that my painting was a close copy of someone's photo with just a few obvious changes. The same goes for using another artists painting as inspiration, you can use the concept of the painting (trees that form an arch) but what you create has to be a totally new and original piece of work.  Now Inness' work is in the public domain, like Van Gogh, Monet etc. and artists can and often do make copies of masterworks for clients who want a hand painted version rather than a print. I wanted to give a good example of using another artists work (painting or photograph) as inspiration in a legitimate way by further exploring a concept they use in your own work.

OK new topic. This whole archway concept made me think of this portion of the Poem Ulysses by Alfred, Lord Tennyson. I've given a nod to Tennyson's poem in the painting's title.

I am a part of all that I have met;
Yet all experience is an arch where-through
Gleams that untraveled world, whose margin fades
For ever and for ever when I move.
How dull it is to pause, to make an end,
To rust unburnished, not to shine in use!
As though to breathe were life. Life piled on life
Were all too little, and of one to me
Little remains: but every hour is saved
From that eternal silence, something more,
A bringer of new things; and vile it were
For some three suns to store and hoard myself,
And this grey spirit yearning in desire
To follow knowledge like a sinking star,
Beyond the utmost bound of human thought.

No comments:


Erysipelothrix infection

produces H2S gas and necrotizing infections

W Lee Hand, MD
Hoi Ho, MD

new information is published. The literature review for version 15.3 is current through September 2007; this topic was
last changed on June 7, 2007. The next version of UpToDate (16.1) will be released in March 2008.

INTRODUCTION — Erysipelothrix rhusiopathiae, a pleomorphic gram-positive bacillus, causes both a self-limited soft
tissue illness and serious systemic infections. E. rhusiopathiae is widespread in nature and infects domestic animals,
such as swine, which may be the major reservoir of the organism [1]. Erysipelothrix is also found in sheep, horses,
cattle, chickens, crabs, fish, dogs, and cats.

Infection in humans is usually due to occupational exposure. Thus, abattoir workers, butchers, fishermen, farmers,

PATHOGENESIS — Little is known about the pathogenesis of human E. rhusiopathiae infection. The following
observations have been made in in vitro and animal studies:

Virulent organisms have a capsule that is antiphagocytic and may contribute to intracellular survival (in the absence
of opsonization with specific antibody) [6,7].
Intracellular survival of virulent organisms in macrophages is associated with a reduced stimulation of the oxidative
respiratory burst [7].
The SpaA protein is a surface antigen of E. rhusiopathiae. The pathogenic significance of this protein was suggested
in a mouse model in which antibody to SpaA was protective against a lethal challenge [8].
The enzyme neuraminidase may contribute to the pathogenicity of Erysipelothrix, as it caused inflammation and
edema in a rabbit skin test model [9].
CLINICAL FEATURES — The clinical spectrum of human infection includes:

Localized cutaneous infection
Diffuse cutaneous disease
Systemic bloodstream infection
Localized cutaneous infection — The localized cutaneous form of illness, known as erysipeloid of Rosenbach, is the
most common form of human infection due to E. rhusiopathiae [4]. Fingers and/or hands (the sites of exposure) are
usually involved in this infection. As an example, erysipeloid has been described on the fingers or hands of fisherman
or seafood packers who suffer minor trauma while handling contaminated shrimp, crab, or fish [10,11].

Erysipelothrix rhusiopathiae infection in humans:

Infection with Erysipelothrix rhusiopathiae in humans is called "erysipeloid" and dates back to at least 1870.

The disease that is referred to as "erysipelas" in humans is actually a form of cellulitis caused by infection with
Human infections occur primarily via direct contact with infected animals and are, thus, occupational diseases for
people such as veterinarians, abattoir workers and fisherman. (In the later case, erysipelas is called"fish handler's
disease"- the organism is commonly carried subclinically in the mucoid slime covering the scales of fish.)

Infection occurs via contamination of skin wounds (most commonly on the hands) and leads to a unique, raised,
cellulitis lesion that is highly pruritic (intense burning sensation) and characterized by purplish-red discoloration and
edema of the skin.
A more diffuse cutaneous form can also occur when lesions progress from the initial site to other cutaneous sites on
the body. Systemic symptoms (e.g., fever, malaise, muscle aches, headaches) accompany these cutaneous lesions
more commonly than when only solitary skin lesions develop at a wound site.
Occasionally the infection may also spread to deeper tissues, leading to arthritis in the joints of the fingers, or
There are two reports of septicemic Erysipelothrix infection in humans who ate undercooked pork.

Chronic meningitis caused by Erysipelothrix rhusiopathiae
A 47-year-old man presented with headache, nausea, vomiting and fever. Laboratory findings including analysis of
cerebrospinal fluid suggested bacterial meningitis. Erysipelothrix rhusiopathiae was identified in cultures of
cerebrospinal fluid. The patient recovered without any neurological sequelae after antimicrobial treatment. It is
interesting that intracranial infection by E. rhusiopathiae reappeared after scores of years and that it presented with
absence of an underlying cause or bacteraemia.

A Case of Multiple Brain Infarctions Associated With Erysipelothrix rhusiopathiae Endocarditis
Sang-Bae Ko, MD; Dong-Eog Kim, MD; Hyung-min Kwon, MD; Jae-Kyu Roh, MD, PhD
A 63-year-old woman was admitted to our hospital because of fever and altered mentality.
Brain magnetic resonance imaging showed multiple infarctions at the basal ganglia,
cerebellum, and subcortical white matter with petechial hemorrhage, which was
more easily seen on gradient echo images. Erysipelothrix rhusiopathiae was cultured
from her blood, and echocardiography showed septic vegetations in the mitral valve. She recovered
fully after 6 weeks of appropriate antibiotic treatment. Arch Neurol. 2003;60:434-436

Necrotizing Fasciitis Caused by Erysipelothrix rhusiopathiae

The paradox of this case is the recovery from the first-day culture of the distinctly uncommon E. rhusiopathiae as the
dominant organism. It is a Gram-positive aerobic or facultatively anaerobic rod, isolated first by Robert Koch from
mice and later by Louis Pasteur from swine.[3] Rosenbach isolated it from a patient with localized skin lesions and
coined the term erysipeloid, implying a forme fruste of erysipelas. The human disease can manifest itself as a
localized skin lesion (erysipeloid), a diffuse cutaneous eruption with systemic symptoms, or bacteremia sometimes
associated with endocarditis.[3] The route of transmission of E. rhusiopathiae to humans is usually by direct contact
between contaminated fish or fish products, animals or animal products, or soil and a break in the skin.[3] Our
patient's pet goldfish is a likely source of infection through her touching the fish or the fish tank and then scratching
her inner thigh. In a study in Sweden, E. rhusiopathiae was isolated from 60% of the cod and 30% of the herring
tested,[4] but no studies were performed in exotic or pet fish.


On Mon, 2003-11-10 at 16:27, Adam Heath wrote:
> On Mon, 10 Nov 2003, Joe Wreschnig wrote:
> > benefit from compiler optimizations. Some CPU bound things just aren't
> > going to be helped much by vectorization, instruction reordering, etc. I
> > mean, integer multiply is integer multiply.
> But if the target cpu supports pipelining, and has multiple multiplication
> unroll, and thereby have faster code, because of more efficient parallization.
> (sorry, read Dr. Dobbs last week).

I knew someone would chime in with this. :) AIUI this is only possible
when there is no data dependency issue (i.e. multiply no. n+1 does not
depend on no. n), otherwise you still have to serialize them.

This is also a good example where optimizing for one chip might slow
another one; say you've got 2 multiplication units on chip A, but only 1
on chip B. You unroll the loop partially when compiling. On A, this
helps, because you can do both multiplies at once. On B, this may slow
it down because of greater icache usage from the unrolled loop, or
because B could be doing (e.g.) an add and a multiply but not two

shows how complicated optimizing compilers can get, and why you can't
way to tell is extensive, controlled benchmarking.
Joe Wreschnig <piman@debian.org>

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Goodnight Teddy bear

As he gets ready for bed, Teddy Bear tells his Mama Bear all about the exciting experiences of his day. Teddy Bear's wild imagination and world of fantasy allows him to overcome any obstacles he has faced that day, allowing him to drift into a relaxed and peaceful sleep.


Dementia is a general term that is used to describe a group or range of symptoms that are a result of loss of brain function. Some common signs of dementia include’s

  • Memory and thinking difficulties
  • Difficulty coping with daily tasks and functioning independently
  • Language & communication difficulties
  • Changes in mood, judgment or personality

Dementia usually occurs among the elderly population (aged 65 and above). If an individual younger than 65 is diagnosed with dementia, it is called ‘early-onset’ dementia and is quite rare.

Though memory loss generally occurs in dementia, memory loss alone doesn’t mean you have dementia. For a diagnosis of dementia, at least one more of the following core mental functions must also be significantly impaired to be considered dementia:

  • Communication and language
  • Ability to focus and pay attention
  • Reasoning and judgment
  • Visual perception

Each person is unique and experiences dementia in their own way. The way people experience dementia depends on many factors, including physical make-up, emotional resilience and the support available to them. On a general note, people with dementia may have problems with short-term memory (or remembering things that have happened in the recent past), keeping track of personal items and belongings, paying bills, preparing meals or carrying out other household activities, planning & remembering appointments, and in extreme cases, self-care and recognizing family and friends.

The illness affects each person differently. It is important to remember what is true of one Person with Dementia (PwD) may not necessarily be true of another PwD.

In India it was shown that in 2010 there were 37,00,000 people with dementia and this number will grow to almost 80,00,000 in 2030. The prevalence of dementia among those aged 65 and above is approximately 5%


Explain a calorimeter whose heat capacity is negligible
Course:- Chemistry
Reference No.:- EM13298347

Assignment Help >> Chemistry

One piece of copper jewelry at 114°C has exactly twice the mass of another piece, which is at 51.0°C. Both pieces are placed inside a calorimeter whose heat capacity is negligible. What is the final temperature inside the calorimeter (c of copper = 0.387 J/gK)? °C

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Pursuant to the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 (“HIPAA”), covered entities (e.g. healthcare providers and health plans) must notify the Department of Health and Human Services (“HHS”) of breaches of unsecured protected health information (“PHI”).1 The information provided to HHS provides companies with a high level of insight concerning the types of breaches that occur in the healthcare industry.

The data collected by HHS concerning breaches affecting 500 or more individuals in 2015 shows that unauthorized access or disclosure, such as misdirected mailings, break-ins of physical premises, and employees accessing PHI that is not necessary for their duties, is the most common form of data breach in the health sector – surpassing theft of hardware, which was the leading cause for health data breach in 2014. The unauthorized access mostly occurred on paper records. While hacking events tend to be publicized in media, it ranks only third in leading causes for health data breaches.

The percentage of reported breaches caused by unauthorized access or disclosure.2

The percentage of unauthorized access or disclosure caused by paper records.3

The percentage of reported breaches caused by theft of hardware of all types.4

The percentage of reported breaches caused by hacking/IT incidents.5

Things to consider when reviewing your information security program in light of HHS data:

  1. Implement different access levels for employees’ access to PHI based on their job duties;
  2. Immediately stop access to PHI by terminated employees and escort them if necessary;
  3. Require a two-step verification process to ensure that mail and email recipients’ information is correct before sending invoices or appointment reminders;
  4. Transition from paper records to secure, encrypted computer databases;
  5. Shred paper records when no longer needed;

Prevent break-ins by implementing physical safeguards such as security alarms, security guards, and locks on windows and doors.


HeavyTopspin.com | Twitter

tennisabstract.com beta

Match Charting Project Data: Tommy Robredo

This page displays the wealth of data available on Tommy Robredo as gathered by the volunteer contributors to the Match Charting Project. It comprises shot-by-shot records of 11 matches, including 7 on hard courts, 4 on clay, and 0 on grass. Click the links to see much more data on serve, return, rally length, net play, and shot tendencies. Move your cursor over any percentage to see comparisons to tour average, as well as surface-specific data.

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Contributors to this page: js (x5), Edged (x2), 1HandBH, DavidAurora, ChapelHeel66, Isaac.
Find out how to chart matches yourself | Main Menu


Girls, We Can Do Better.

Stop blaming men and get back to changing the world.

So, here it is. Tuesday, March 8. International Women’s Day. Project meeting at 4:30 PM, and until then I’ve nothing to do on my task list. You would think it would be a perfect time to write a nice little inspirational post about combating sexism and how far we’ve come.

You would be wrong.

I didn’t want to write this essay. I really, really didn’t.

I was so desperate not to write this essay I got out the paint and brushes from the basement and covered the water stains on the stairway ceiling, from back before I got my roof replaced last fall.

Ok, here goes. Time to stop stalling.

A lot of online feminist discourse seems to consist of two things:

  1. ) Calling out men for sexism.
  2. ) Idealizing exceptional women who have “broken out” in one way or another. The first two headlines under International Women’s Day on Medium are perfect examples:

“She’s 22, from rural Zimbabwe, and a mogul in the making

“Meet The Youngest Female Billionaire

The problem is, men aren’t likely to change just because you tell them to.

And ask either Lindewe or Elizabeth Holmes, and they will tell you that nobody achieves their goals without a lot of help and support along the way. Which puts women at a significant disadvantage.

The myth is the “Mighty Girl,” or the “Disney Princess.” Beautiful, gifted, alone as she triumphs against the odds. The reality is that unless you want to be a ballerina or a diva, teams are what get things done.

I would argue that this myth is actually harmful, rather than inspirational. Women are not taught to value or invest in relationships with other women. This makes it much more difficult to find partners and collaborators. Where would Jobs have been without Wozniak? Lennon without McCartney?

We are taught to put children first, spouses second, self last. Are girlfriends left do anything other than look good in the background of a selfie?

Feminists are not responsible for this attitude, but we of all people should be doing what we can do counter it. Because there is a very real possibility that we may be moving backwards, or at best standing still.

A 2015 Harvard University study found a majority of teen girls still preferred males in positions of leadership to females. Said one respondent, “Girls wouldn’t vote for themselves, so why would they vote for another girl?”

I have been blessed with many remarkable women in my life: friends, relatives, and coworkers. I also lost my husband to a married female friend — someone I had vacationed with and invited to my home. I chose and choose not to blame or distrust all women based on the harm done by one.

Over the past ten years I’ve been part of a variety of startup projects. Contrary to popular belief, women do exist in tech.

Here are a few things I have learned over the years:

Women often hold each other to impossible standards. There is behavior that we would let slide with a male coworker or boss, that we will not tolerate in another woman. And women have long memories.

We need female co-founders. Why not build our own companies and institutions, and not just climb the ranks in male-dominated ones?

Mean girls are not feminists. If you gossip about other women behind their back, you are perpetrating the patriarchy. Repeat. Repeat. You are part of the problem. Ask somebody what’s going on. Wait until you know all the facts.

Also, some stuff that’s universal:

Don’t take on anyone on your founding team who isn’t interested in equity, but simply wants a paycheck. Extra due diligence when hiring friends.

If you don’t feel like founding a company:

All of the above are equally applicable to an artistic collaboration, a nonprofit, an open source project, or grassroots activism. The scale doesn’t have to be huge. If childcare is an issue, ask your partner — or organize childcare within the group. Not only will you be taking your own souls and lives and bodies and aspirations as women seriously, you will be giving other women permission to do the same. The important thing is learning to interface with other women and view them as equals and people.

Whatever happened to consciousness raising? One hundred thousand women belonged to groups in 1973. The Second Wave had it going on.

So, there you have it. I said it. Happy International Women’s Day!

Men can’t save us. We’ve got to do it for ourselves.

Feminism is an incredibly important concept, but we have to shift our attention toward each other. If we wait around for sexist and oppressive behavior to stop, we might just witness the extinction of our species and many others first. And there is so much to be angry and outraged about online, that it just sort of saps the life out of us. My advice is to take that energy and direct it toward connecting with the women you already know, who might actually need it.


Nausea and Travel Sickness

Motion sickness, or travel sickness as it is better known, occurs when the brain is confused about the motion that the body is experiencing. The eyes are seeing stillness in the environment  but an organ in the inner ear, the labyrinth, which an important part of our vestibular (balance) system is experiencing motion. This mismatch… READ MORE

Headaches and Migranes

I started having migraines when I was about 7 years old and found them a very scary experience. There is something quite frightening about experiencing that degree of pain in the part of the body where the brain is stored! Luckily, my migraines would disappear after I had vomited, and gone to sleep- pain killers wouldn’t… READ MORE

Dental Phobias

Are you someone who is so scared of going to the dentist that you will absolutely avoid going, even to the detriment of your own dental hygiene? If the answer is yes, the chances are you have a dental phobia. A phobia is more severe and intense than a fear which happens when the body… READ MORE

Break Your Bad Habits

Having just looked at a list of bad habits posted on the internet, I can honestly say that whilst they are habitual repetitive behaviours, many of them are also disgusting! One site listed nail biting, throat clearing, lying, interrupting, chewing the end of a pen, smoking and swearing in its top 20 list of bad… READ MORE

I once heard that people are more motivated by pain than pleasure and in many instances I believe this to be true. Pain provides us with the natural survival instinct to escape and can often get us moving away from a troublesome situation- whether we are in physical danger or suffering with emotional pain. Pleasure… READ MORE

Why Chose NLP?

NLP was created by observing and modeling people who were exceptionally talented within the field of therapy. NLP stands for Neuro-linguistic programming. “Neuro” relating to the brain and “linguistic” refers to the language used, and how it is used. “Programming” describes the patterns and habits you create, learn and persistently follow. As we experience the… READ MORE

NLP Training

NLP and Hypnotherapy training in Hertfordshire, Bedfordshire, Buckinghamshire and London is here to proudly present to you certified and approve NLP and Hypnotherapy training courses. As you are certainly aware, computers come with huge manuals that most of us have never read!We are sure you feel, as we do, thatin the 21st century, training and… READ MORE

What to look for in an NLP and Hypnotherapy Trainer

NLP and Hypnotherapy are fast growing must-have skills these days. However, in a market where practically anyone can call themselves a practitioner, how do you know that the company or individual training you, is professionally qualified and skilled in the area of expertise. Do you know how to tell the difference between Joe Bloggs off… READ MORE

The Challenges When Losing Weight

Losing weight can be a real battle, and until I became a hypnotherapist, I didn’t realise there were so many different reasons why people have challenges losing weight. Some of the reason I have discovered are far from the obvious eating too much, eating the wrong foods, eating the wrong quantities and lack of exercise.… READ MORE

Public Speaking

If you’ve ever had the experience of literally “feeling” people’s eyes on you, you can understand the power that a public speaker can have. A master of public speaking will appear calm, confident, charismatic and completely at ease in speaking with his audience. His voice is as level as if he were speaking to his… READ MORE

Improving Interpersonal Skills

If you ever have to communicate with another person, then you are using interpersonal skills. You have been using these skills your whole life already, and with varying degrees of success. Sometimes it is as easy as breathing to gain rapport and get your point across to others. At other times you might be feeling… READ MORE

Boost Your Creativity

The Encarta dictionary defines creativity as “the ability to use the imagination to develop new and original ideas or things, especially in an artistic context.” Creativity and imagination are largely linked with right brain functions, whereas analytic and rationalized thinking are more associated with the left brain. As individuals, we may tend to be more… READ MORE

Life Coaching

Life Coaching is an effective means of establishing where you are currently in your life, where you going, and how it is you will get there by focusing on specific areas- from self confidence, to enjoying your work, creating time for yourself or living your dreams. Some people find it difficult to comprehend what life… READ MORE


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Why Physics & Astronomy?

Our programs will challenge you to probe and solve the most provoking and fundamental scientific concepts. With a strong emphasis on problem solving, computer literacy, and research valuable for employment, our goal is to provide a solid stepping stone to graduate school or a career in research.

Choosing Waterloo will give you the opportunity to interact with outstanding teachers and researchers, including those at the Perimeter Institute for Theoretical Research and at the Institute for Quantum Computing.

Access to a strong cooperative education program will provide exposure to practical applications of your knowledge.

Come; explore; find where you fit in!

Important information

How to apply to your program

Tuition, and estimated fees

Financial aid, scholarships & bursaries

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What is co-op?

After graduation


Category Archives: writing

Side by Side

Tayla and Kira are sisters in crime,

They are both calico in design.

Books are knocked off coffee tables,

Plants are sent into upheaval.

The two cats have different personalities.

One is outgoing and wishes to be petted,

While the other is often wanting to be fed.

In other words,

the second cat

will imply by her

“Since I wish to

have dinner,

I will allow myself

to be petted . . .

If you must.”

There are times their owners use water pistols,

Instead of saying repeatedly the word, “NO!”

They hope to dispel ‘bad’ behaviors,

But often they are ignored.

The funniest part of this story to me is . . .

When my close friend,

the kitties’ Mommy,

is being ‘bossy’

to her mate,

Her dear husband,

the kitties’ Daddy,

squirts her

while saying,

“Bad Kitty!”

Written by Robin O. Cochran

Tayla is a mainly brown, gray and white calico cat.

Kira is a mostly white with brown, tan and gray patterns

on her. This includes one that looks like a butterfly tattoo.

My friends, Jenny and Dave,

were the subject of a love story post,

“Love Found in a Video Store.”

I’m the one who discovered him

and ‘match made’ the two,

back in 1993.

It is 22 years since they met;

21  years since they married.

**Inspired by my friend, Luanne Castle’s post written

about visiting an animal shelter with her husband.

While there, they played with the kitties and walked

dogs, too.  I admired how she gave us a serious

reminder of one of the other activities that goes on

there. She mentioned pit bulls and other breeds,

including chihuahuas,  are often put down first.

This was to remind us of what happens when they

are not adopted and which breeds are chosen first.

Luanne has been having a hard time lately due to recent serious losses in her life.
Maybe we can go visit her and shower her with good wishes and hopes for her cat (Pear Blossom) and daughter’s cat (Isabella Rose) to be better.
You may wish to order Luanne Castle’s fine collection of poetry, “Doll God.”

You may be interested in reading her other creative

stories, poetry with meaningful, intriguing subjects:

Lighthouses and Sailing Away: July, 2015

grocery shopping shortly upon my arrival.

tent on the side yard and all the family present.

on vacation..

After carefully looking over the bakery, rows of frozen desserts while

edge of Ohio.

1. Vermilion Lighthouse.

2. Fairport Harbor West Lighthouse.

3. Port Clinton Lighthouse.

4. Huron Harbor Lighthouse.

5. Toledo Harbor Lighthouse.

will be moved.

evening on an island.

6. Ashtabula Lighthouse.

7. Marblehead Lighthouse.

8. Old Fairport Harbor Lighthouse.

9. Cleveland Harbor Lighthouse.

along the “Flats” than on Cleveland’s downtown lake’s edge.

10. Conneaut Lighthouse.

11. South Bass Island Lighthouse.

reasonably priced.

12. Lorain Harbor Lighthouse.

music, while she tried to sing the lyrics.

dreaming by the Fire.

One of Longfellow’s famous and beloved poems,

with just three passages shared in this post,

the opening, middle and closing one, below:

“The Lighthouse

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The rocky ledge runs far into the sea,

And on its outer point, some miles away

The Lighthouse lifts its massive masonry,

. . .

“And as the evening darkens, lo! how bright,

Through the deep purple of the twilight air,

Beams forth the sudden radiance of its light,

With strange, unearthly splendor in the glare!”

. . .

the glare of the lighthouse, dying and the dramatic

. . .

“Sail on!” it says,

Sail on, ye stately ships!

And with your floating bridge the ocean span.

Be mine to guard this light from all eclipse,

Be yours to bring man nearer unto man!”

The End.

beautiful passages, in my mind’s eye.)

since 1979.

radio, daily and on longer trips to Mom’s.

along with innocence, with canvas dreams.

Another passage near the end…

“30 Rock.”

Christopher Cross.

tube, down a cool and easy river.

Christopher Cross singing his upbeat songs, using his fantastic, smooth

hear the newer songs.

If only in my dreams…

while you were by some form of water?

back home. . .

If not, hope you are having a wonderful weekend!

Levity in Brevity

Just sending some smiles and funny little jokes collected by my Mom

over the past few weeks from her friend, “Pooky,” otherwise known

as Joyce. Joyce is older than Mom, knows how to get on the computer

and prints out all kinds of colorful emailed jokes, some are illustrated

by John Wagner, with “Maxine” comic strip pictures attached. She

has tried to get my email address from my Mom, for which I am

eternally grateful for Mom. She has not asked me for my email

address. Mom handwrites Joyce notes but sometimes they are very

short notes. She repeats herself, they may just talk about the

weather and her dog, Nicki. I have read them and helped her out,

adding a few details and saying, “Just an extra note from Robin.”

This is a little silly but remember my Mom is 86 and it didn’t

embarrass her…

“An elderly man goes into confession and says to the Priest,

‘Father, I’m 80 years old, married and have 4 kids. I have 11

healthy grandchildren. Last night, I had an affair or fling

with two young women.

I was able to perform with both of them. . .

The Priest answered,

‘Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?’

His reply was,

‘Never Father. . . I’m Jewish.’

The Priest asked,

‘So then, why are you telling me?’

The excited elderly man exclaimed,

‘I’m telling EVERYBODY!'”

My Mom wrote at the bottom of this, just in case I didn’t get the joke:

“He is so proud of himself!”

My Mom put three ***’s by this one:

**”I’m thinking of leaving my body to Science.

Even scientists can use a good laugh now and then.”

(This had the famous Maxine and her dog with his eyes crossed.)

Another Maxine my Mom gave this two **’s:

**”The older I get, the harder it is to find Mr. Right.

Darn cataracts!”

This one my Mom emphatically agrees with (usually!)

She gave this one 4 ****’s:

****”Sometimes I like to turn the TV off and just sit

quietly, with my thoughts.

Then, when I am sure the commercials are over,

I turn it back on.”

This picture has Maxine with a big bowl of popcorn and

her television remote control in her hand. The dog has a

bowl of some kind of food, with it on his lap. It is cute.

My Mom also enclosed a note which was full of x’s and o’s,

as well as quick ‘sound bytes,’ like:

“Stay Warm!”

“Take Your Vitamins!”

“Wear gloves and warm socks!”

“Tell everyone Great Grammie O. Loves them!”

and last, but not least. . .

“Please don’t send the jokes back!”

Oh, What a Night!

believe we all have wonderful memories of particular musical

sorrow. Then there are the songs which transport us out of

I felt transfixed during each of the musical numbers in “Jersey

of the members lost his daughter. I felt excited when another

unique beat and message. Some of Frankie Valli and the Four

Four Seasons. I had heard the songs but didn’t really know

the way the group’s story began, nor what happened to the

Only to meet again at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

Induction performance.

The director, Clint Eastwood, is known for wishing details

to fit the situations and fulfilling the character of the times

NOT following the book was when he filmed the movie

It is about an Italian homemaker and her adventures over

one weekend, while her children and husband are at the state

fair. Robert James Waller has the homemaker wearing jeans,

(possibly to emphasize her figure) while Clint explained in

an interview, he felt this woman could have been his own

mother, so she would wear a common house dress. There

are more examples in many of his movies, some where

is just the background sound behind the story. I liked

finding out during the credits his son, Kyle Eastwood

was a musical assistant and helped with the soundtrack.

Also, Clint’s daughter, Francesco Eastwood plays one of

the wives in the film.

Frankie Valli’s character was played by John Lloyd Young,

(up close and personal in the movie) he captures your

attention and his voice is very similar to Frankie Valli’s.

If you saw the musical play, you may know the characters

each take turns talking directly to the audience. It is a

very interesting technique for telling their individual

I felt sympathy for the way the real man became  part of

the underbelly of his neighborhood, by being  pulled into

the mob and illegal dealings by his friend and eventual

member of the band, Tommy.  You realize his gambling,

drinking and other vices, such as trying to trade with

stolen goods, would eventually ‘catch up’ with Tommy.

As a viewer, you may possibly worry about his pulling

his good friend, Frankie down.  Their musical career

eventually helps them to get out of their neighborhood

but they could barely escape the ties.

The raw emotions of a death and funeral of one of the

member’s children, still just a teenager, rocks their

group to the very core.

Christopher Walken’s scenes as the ‘benefactor’ and

supposed friend among the mob members ‘steal the

The executive producers are Frankie Valli and Bob

Gaudio. The slow building of the band, its members

and their story unfolds and is beautifully portrayed

In a semblance of order, illustrating the sequence and

growth of the band’s body of work is shown in this list

of songs,

“Who Loves You, Pretty Baby?”

“Big Girls, Don’t Cry”

“Walk Like a Man”

“Rag Doll”

“Bye Bye Baby”

“You’re Just Too Good to Be True”

“My Eyes Adored You”

“Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You”

and repeating the title song,

“Oh, What a Night.”

The members of the band, Nicky (Massi), Tommy

De Vito, Bob Gaudio (writer/lyricist) and Frankie

performed at the R and R Hall of Fame, after 24

years apart.

* They were inducted in 1990 into the Rock and

Roll Hall of Fame.

They joked,  saying singing together came natural,

even after all the years. They only had to lower the

octave and sing in a lower key.

*They were inducted into the Vocal Group Hall of

Fame in 1999.

*In 2012, they performed together in England at

the Royal Albert Hall, honored for their body of

music which included 29 Top Ten (on American

music award charts) Hits.

which came out in 2014 is to persuade you to celebrate

someday soon, by listening to one or more of Frankie

Valli and the Four Seasons’ lifetime of songs. They grew

up together on the streets of New Jersey, sang and lived

quite fantastic lives.

The movie captured it nicely. Too bad it didn’t win any

and competition.

What is your favorite song from this group?

Which is one you played the most?

If you never really liked their music, did

one of your family members enjoy them?

Mark My Words

your creating a painting, taking a photograph,  preparing a special

what meanings it has, along with a few expressions that include

various forms of the word, “mark”in them.

The definition for ‘mark’-

2. A symbol, name or other identifier.

3. A name, logo or other indicator.

our legacy and how we helped make an impression upon another’s

psychology or philosophy. They contain the current meaning and

suggestions for leading a ‘purposeful life.’

daughter’s races. The excitement and anticipation of the races,

into a wooden block to ‘mark’ their place.

Then, an announcer says these dramatic words:

“On your mark. . .

Get ready,

beginning of the race.

their own parts of the woods.

In concert and symphonic band, our musical teacher and director

in the woodwinds area, with the clarinet section.

appreciate my Grandpa Mattson who would call my clarinet, a

songs and scales.

or listening to the metronome during piano lessons, please share.

The younger Mark Ruffalo, with Jennifer Garner was one of my

Boys’ song, “Good Vibrations.”

There are countless other “Mark’s” such as Mark Harmon who

well as his being a part of history.

country’s literature. He shared remarkable stories of life upon the

Mississippi and going out West. His wry perspectives of the times

upon my thoughts and writing, too.

There are many who enjoy the dramatic colors and designs of a

young teenager’s graffiti.  They leave their own distinctive ‘mark’

a cemetery where respect should be displayed or designations of

being a member of a  ‘Gang.’

I enjoy when my grandchildren take colored chalk and leave their

down on a square.

make me weep.

Are you guilty of this ‘bad habit?’

find a piece of paper or a classy bookmark.

clip with a butterfly on the tip.

I have marked many passages in my Bible, since I received

underlined places. Tucked into the pages, there are several

pieces of paper with scribbles made by my children during

carefully by my youngest daughter at around 8 years old of

Jesus on the Cross.

this: “Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.”

with something I really enjoy.

after the ending of each season.

These all say, “Mark Down Prices.”

found in different departments.

Now, even better than the ‘Markdowns’. . .

are the ‘Slashing Prices!’

Join Me for a ‘Spell’

Sometimes, it would take awhile but there would be words shared

a few tendencies to use Kentucky or Tennessee expressions. Did

word analysis. I hope you will add your  favorite interpretation

of “spell” in the comments’ section.

The vastness and variation of the definitions for “spell” are

amazing. I started this with only three actual uses and found

out there is so much more dimension to the word.

2. a state of enchantment.

3. strong, compelling influences or attraction.

4. a short indefinite period of time.

5. a period of weather of a particular kind.

6. one’s turn at a task or work.

3. to allow someone to rest awhile.

used, ‘watching the grass grow.’

I enjoy movies where you can see, through the director’s guidance

calling their first meeting, ‘magical.’

There have been many love songs, where there are descriptions

finding this memorable. Details during the meeting come back and

“Strange Magic,” was a fantastic and beautiful animated children’s

It contains purple blossoms from the flowers on the edge of the

Carrie and I saw this on Sunday evening.

this film. There were several adult couples holding hands and giggling

looking king of the “dark forest.”

who performs it.

I was a guest and enjoyed watching the ladies working together.

and watched me, giving me suggestions and compliments on my

This math knowledge skill my oldest daughter had inherited  from her

father, I tried to promote and encourage.The balancing out the ones

are not successful in either case.

children and my ‘clients’ caught up during the summertime really

always rewarded everyone or would just encourage clapping for

ones who were successful.

promoting self-worth, too.

writing poetry to enchant our fellow bloggers.

in my life.

but create important references for the weather man or woman.

using it with snow.

Here is a serious “pause” in my blog:

concerned for this huge snowstorm you are weathering.”

because their parents are Buckeye fans.

Let me hear the first two letters:

“O – H!”

always answered with,

“I – O!”

the letters for “Daddy.”

this shouting or chanting game, you finish with the letters and

“What does that spell?”

Their reply is yelled, “______!”

short drive to gymnastics, the park or pool.

the word, ‘spell’ included.

it describes what one is.)

Como singing this would make you smile and reflect on love.

her again and again.”

You may hear someone’s laugh and “the sound of her laughter

will sing in your dreams.”

captured your interest or meant something to you. Sharing a

Mystery about a Sister

Be prepared to read about a woman’s story, one which may or may

not have been relevant and meaningful to the musical world. I feel

there is a true basis and possibility that she made a big difference in

how her famous brother became who he was. I have to admit, I was

on my  own personal “movie fest” over the weekend. Originally I was

thinking, I would just post some of my favorites and give short film

Somehow, this evolved into something ‘bigger’ than I expected. It

was time-consuming and yet, I felt like a private investigator with

her mind open and ready for understanding and analyzing the facts.

I looked up, using different sources, to find out more about this

fascinating woman.

Now that I may, or may not, have your attention, I will tell you the

riveting movie that led to my research.

“Mozart’s Sister,” a French film which needs you to read the sub-titles.

In the movie,  which came out in 2011, Rene Feret is the director

and a young actress who is his daughter, Marie Feret, plays the

sister to her character’s famous younger brother. Historical details

that were  discerned through research shall follow this summary of

this fine movie.

First, here are three splendid comments from famous reviewers,

starting with one who’s deceased.  Roger Ebert, “Chicago Sun-Times,”

was always one of my favorite reviewers. He is such a trustworthy

man to recommend movies.

(Of course, many of you will recognize his name and the television

show which I used to enjoy- “Siskel and Ebert at the Movies.”)

Here is what Roger Ebert said of, “Mozart’s Sister:”

“Marie Feret is luminous.” (in this role.)

David Noh, “Film Journey” says:

“A triumph!”

Ronnie Scheib, “Variety” Magazine:

“A treat for classical music lovers and cinephiles alike.”

What was a turning point in this movie which motivated me to

investigate and research?

What happened to make me seek the truth?

When Leopold Mozart, father of Maria Anna (also referred to as

Marianne and affectionately known as, “Nannerl”) tells his only

daughter when she is interested in writing musical compositions,

“Harmony and counterpoint are not understood by women.”

Of course, this caused me to say indignantly to my television screen

which was innocently displaying the film,

“That’s outrageous!”

Big sister, “Nannerl,” is helpful to toddler brother, “Wolfie,” and

helps him practice his keyboard lessons on a harpsichord. This

baroque instrument is lovely sounding. The scales and other early

beginning lessons are closely supervised by their father.

At age 5 or 6, “Wolfie” is paraded in front of wealthy families and

is also given an audience with royalty. He is a cute boy and shows

great potential and musical aptitude. The film shows Wolfgang

using creative interpretation of the music and dramatic arm

flourishes. He was supposedly beginning to write his own musical

compositions at age 4 or 5.

In the beginning of the movie,  their coach’s wheel breaks after

going over a rut in the country road. It is late and the Mozart family

stays in a nearby nunnery. It is interesting to note that there are

two sisters living there. Their story emphasizes the difference in

the way male and female genders were treated in this period of time.

The two girls have been shuffled and taken away from the palace,

being raised by nuns.

At one point, there is a name mentioned of the two girls’ brother,

who is being raised to be a ‘Royal.’ The part that Maria Anna plays,

and is asked to carry out a charade, is to transport a letter to their

brother, if the Mozart family should be ever happen to appear at

Court. Anna Maria treasures this new friendship and promises to

keep the letter safe and take it to their estranged brother.

This movie would engage someone who has been enjoying the inner

workings of the staff and upper class levels or tiers of British society

on the PBS show, “Downton Abbey.” Although this is a whole other

period of time, there are still the ideas of class structure and family

expectations being expressed. Definitely, it is an eye-opener in both

the film about the late 1700’s and the television series of the 1900’s.

Traditions and historical details about clothing, customs and roles

women and men played also are featured in both of these storylines.

At the end of the film, there is not much said about Nannerl’s  being

anything but helpful to her brother.  There are no illusions that she

may have helped Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart compose his greatest

In the movie’s middle,  there is a nice romantic interlude, where

Maria Anna disguises herself as a boy, in a white-haired wig, to give

the hand written letter to the young Monarch from his sister. They

use the young man’s title in the film as ‘Louis XV.’ This story becomes

a very sweet part of the movie. I will not tell you about how it unfolds,

hoping you will someday pursue viewing this one. I will say it depicts

Nannerl’s character as having spunk, showing independence and also,

her romantic side.

Before the credits roll, there are a few sparse details given. The written

lettering after the movie ends mentions Maria Anna helped to write

some of her own sonatas as a young woman. It mentions she helped

Wolfgang transcribe his first writings, since he scribbled them. There

is a subtle undertone of the possibility that she was his ‘muse.’  As his

sister, she may have written (created) some of his early works.

The movie has places that explain traditional upbringing of “fine young

ladies.” The women are encouraged to wait on men, not to further their

education. Maria Anna tries to ‘rock the establishment.’ Her mother has

disappointment and her father shows anger for her independent streak.

She doesn’t wish to follow the social order of the period. I was rooting

for her, all the way!

If you enjoy history and reading about a famous person’s family,

you may enjoy this part of the post. . .

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart lived from January 1756 until December,

1791. There is confusion about why he died at such an early age of 35.

He was the son of a musician and teacher of music, Leopold Mozart.

His mother was named Anna. He was born in Salzburg, which later

became part of, or known as,  Austria. Wolgang’s father and mother

had seven children, only two that lived beyond infancy. The oldest

living child was a daughter named Maria Anna, nicknamed, “Nannerl.”

There were four years between the two children, sister and brother.

When Wolfgang was 3 years old, his sister was learning her lessons,

which included language, music and reading. She was practicing

with her brother close by her side. Later, she would be by his side,

while he was the one leading the lessons. This relationship lasted

probably all of their childhood. “Wolfie” was her little shadow,

trying to do everything she did.

There is a notebook that Leopold made for Maria Anna, which is

known as “Nannerl’s Notenbuch” or also written as, “Notenbuch

fur Nannerl.” In English, this was “Nannerl’s Music Book.” This

amazing composition book demonstrated the first lessons that

Leopold gave to her, along with her brother. It consists of only

(originally) 48 pages, now only 36 pages remain.  This book has

her father’s exercises for her practicing beginner harpsichord

pieces. This also included anonymous minuets and some of her

father’s  original  works.  Two composers,  Carl P. E. Bach and

George C. Wagenseil, had their pieces transcribed as passages

in this musical exercise book.

In 1982, a man (just a coincidence) named Wolfgang Plath

studied the handwriting within the Notebook and attributed

the variety to consist of five different handwriting samples

or sources. There are evidences of the collaboration between

Leopold, the father, and his son, “Wolfie.”

Leopold took his family touring around countries and the cities

of Vienna, Austria and Paris, France. Maria Anna Mozart was

born in 1751 and lived 78 years, until 1829. When she became a

young lady, it was considered inappropriate for her to continue

to publicly play the harpsichord, piano or sing. Up until she was

18, Maria was part of her musical touring family. A biographer

considered her to be a great singer and an,

“Excellent harpsichord player and fortepiano player.”

Sadly, there is no mention about Nannerl being a conduit, or

letter transporter, between the sisters raised in a nunnery and a

member of Louis XV’s “Court” or “Royalty.”  This was the main

part of the plot I enjoyed in the movie I reviewed earlier.

At age 18, Maria Anna went home to Salzburg with her mother,

to teach musical lessons and stay at home. The following reason

was mentioned in one source,

“This was due to her being of marriageable age.”

Wolfgang and his father both wrote letters to Maria Anna which

some have been saved. Wolfgang during the 1770’s, was touring

in Italy and mentioned Nannerl’s writing musical compositions

and Wolfgang goes so far as to ‘praise her musical works.’

There are no references in her multiple letters from her father

to any of her own musical compositions in his correspondence.

An interesting note (and slightly salacious fact) is mentioned

in some of the biographers’ notes about Maria Anna’s and

Wolfgang’s close, intimate relationship. When they were young,

they developed a “secret language” and they had an “imaginary

kingdom.” They pretended they were married and carried out

their positions while playing together, as “Queen” and “King.”

There are a few indications and there is evidence of Wolfgang’s

using sexual wordplay which he used in other letters to his

lovers or girlfriends. This can be found also in the words he

chose and were included in his writing to his sister. One

historian considers this to be a ‘strange relationship’ for a

sister and a brother.

As an aside, my two brothers and I would play ‘house’ but

we would not have myself be the “mother” and one of my

brothers be the “father.” We would instead play that one of

the brothers was the “father” and other brother and I were

his “children.” Like the old television show, “Family Affair,”

where the uncle has “Buffy” and twins “Cissy” and “Jody.”

(I used to love this show, with Sebastian Cabot playing the

butler/nanny and Brian Keith playing the bachelor uncle.

did you know it ran from 1966 until 1971?) Or I would play

the ‘mother’ role and the brothers were my ‘kids.’ We usually

had company or neighbors over.  Once in awhile, they would

‘marry’ one of my girlfriends, or once in awhile, I would ‘marry’

one of their guy friends. I mention this to confirm that I would

also think it strange that the siblings played ‘Queen and King’

together over a Kingdom.

A sad note about Maria Anna’s independence shown in the

movie, “Mozart’s Sister.” This is not to be found anywhere in

any biographies or any letters. She is shown to be subservient

to her father, allowing him to forbid her to marry a man named,

“Franz d’Ippold.”  They were both young, he was a Captain and

a private tutor. When he proposed, there is an implication she

would have liked to say, “Yes.”  There is a letter in the family’s

collection where her brother, Wolfgang, tried to persuade her to

stand up to her father. Ultimately, Maria Anna was ‘forced’ to

turn down Captain Franz d’Ippold’s proposal.

Years went by, Maria Anna was allowed to marry at age 32, when

asked by a man named Johann Baptist Franzvan Berchtold  “un

Sonnenburg.” They were  married in 1783.  Listen to the “fun” life

Maria Anna participated in:  She became the wife of a widower

with five children she helped to raise. She had three more of her

own children with Johann. When she had her first born son,

she named him Leopold. Her father insisted on taking the her

only son to raise him in Salzburg at his home. The biography

doesn’t mention her mother’s role in this drama. From 1785

until he died in 1787, Leopold Sr. wrote letters and in a journal

telling about his toilet training Jr. and teaching him how to talk.

There was no mention of the boy’s illness nor a reason why he

should not have been raised as a baby until age 2 by his own

mother.  There is some speculation for her father’s thinking he

would raise another musical prodigy. Since he felt he was the

reason Wolfgang A. Mozart turned out the way he did.

After all, Leopold Mozart, Sr. did write and publish a violin

music textbook.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart was known for his classical

musical compositions, which included over 600 works.

They include symphonies, concertos, operas and choral

Beethoven, while young, lived in the shadow of Mozart.

During his early years composing his own original music,

he was constantly compared to Mozart’s body of work.

Composer, Joseph Hayden said of Mozart’s legacy:

“Posterity will not see such a talent in another 100 years.”

Wolfgang A. Mozart married Constanze and had two sons.

He died at the early age of 35 years old.

His magnificent “Requiem” was never completed.

His music is still revered and considered the best in classical

Maria Anna was never given any credit (that I could find out

about) for her influence on her brother’s music nor were any

of her musical compositions published. The book, “Nannerl’s

Notenbuch” is not considered to be anything but her lesson

book to practice and play music using the hand written

I need to see the movie, “Amadeus,”  (again) to see if there

are any musical or notable references to his sister. If you

have a good memory or recently seen this, let me know in

the comments whether there is mention of Anna Maria

Mozart please.

I strongly recommend, “Mozart’s Sister” as a film to savor

and enjoy, while wishing the story line really happened.

Truthfully, being an older sister myself, how could “Nannerl”

NOT have had an influence upon her little brother, “Wolfie?”

Either way you look at this famous musician’s life,

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart made a huge impact

on the musical world.


"Understanding how germs spread"

About: Rotherham Hospital / General surgery

(as a relative),

The ward which my wife is in had a bug detected so the staff and visitors were told to put on apron and gloves, which they conformed to.

The doctors came in on their ward rounds and did not bother to put the gloves and aprons on.

As my wife has just had a big operation I am concerned. Is it that they are excluded from the precautions? They will probably go onto other wards. I can understand now why some bugs spread over the hospital.

Dear brickman, thank you for your posting on the Patients Opinion web site. We were most concerned to hear of your observation that any of our staff are failing to comply with prevention of infection precautions and would be grateful if you could contact us directly on 01709 424461 to identify the relevant area and take appropriate action.

Our Infection Control team have advised that when a patient is found to have an infected wound, the bay in which they are nursed is treated as ‘in isolation’ until the other patients in the bay can have their status clarified (through swabs). The precautions we require our staff to take are that they must wear aprons and gloves for any contact with the patients in that bay (or the environment such as bed making etc) and that these gloves and aprons must be changed between each patient.

For those not providing direct care e.g. passing a cup of tea or asking a question, do not need to wear a glove or apron nor is it necessary for visitors to use gloves and aprons unless they are visiting more than one person, or if they are providing personal care. We do, of course, request that upon arrival and departure all visitors clean their hands either by washing them or use of alcohol gel provided.

Providing the doctors were not making physical contact with any of the patients in the relevant bay they would not have needed to put gloves and aprons on when coming into that bay, but we appreciate how worrying it is when you have been given to understand differently. To that end we have asked our Infection Control team to ensure staff of any areas that currently have precautionary isolation bays, to understand their responsibility to consistently communicate the required precautions with all staff, relevant patients and their visitors.

As a hospital with a strong track record in minimising infection transmission, we are never complacent and continue to audit all staff compliance with hand washing on a monthly basis.

We would like to thank you for alerting us to your concern.

With best wishes,


Learn More
This study explored metabolic mechanisms of future (delay) discounting, a choice phenomenon where people value present goods over future goods. Using fluctuating blood glucose as an index of body-energy budget, optimal discounting should regulate choice among rewards as a function of temporal caloric requirement. We identified this novel link between blood(More)
This study presents a domain-specific view of human decision rationality. It explores social and ecological domain-specific psychological mechanisms underlying choice biases and violations of utility axioms. Results from both the USA and China revealed a social group domain-specific choice pattern. The irrational preference reversal in a hypothetical(More)
Central to research on human reasoning and decision making over the last few decades has been the idea that human choices and decisions are governed by a few rational principles or heuristics. However, various empirical findings have shown that human reasoning and decision making behaviors often violate a small set of rational principles or utility axioms(More)
Event-related potentials (ERPs) and behavioral ratings were collected from 30 female subjects who were exposed to picture slides. The slides belonged to five affective categories whose content was babies, dermatological cases, ordinary people, male models, and female models. Based on the day of testing relative to their menstrual cycle, the subjects were(More)
The Monty Hall problem (or three-door problem) is a famous example of a "cognitive illusion," often used to demonstrate people's resistance and deficiency in dealing with uncertainty. The authors formulated the problem using manipulations in 4 cognitive aspects, namely, natural frequencies, mental models, perspective change, and the less-is-more effect.(More)
This study examined the neural basis of framing effects using life-death decision problems framed either positively in terms of lives saved or negatively in terms of lives lost in large group and small group contexts. Using functional MRI we found differential brain activations to the verbal and social cues embedded in the choice problems. In large group(More)
The tri-reference point (TRP) theory takes into account minimum requirements (MR), the status quo (SQ), and goals (G) in decision making under risk. The 3 reference points demarcate risky outcomes and risk perception into 4 functional regions: success (expected value of x ≥ G), gain (SQ < × < G), loss (MR ≤ x < SQ), and failure (x < MR). The psychological(More)
Behavioral ratings on several affective scales (non-erotic/erotic, unpleasant/pleasant, simple/complex and low arousal/high arousal), and electrophysiological responses (event-related brain potentials) to emotional pictures, were collected from 30 female subjects, at different phases of their menstrual cycle. The pictures belonged to 5 emotional categories,(More)


Common Signs and Symptoms of Multiple Myeloma

A Complex Cancer of the Plasma Cell in the Bone Marrow

Multiple myeloma can lead to bone fractures.
Multiple myeloma can lead to bone fractures. ultura RM Exclusive/PhotoStock-Israel/Getty Images

Multiple myeloma is a cancer of the plasma cells—a type of infection-fighting cell—in a person's bone marrow. When the initial symptoms of multiple myeloma begin to appear, they often go unnoticed because they are vague and non-specific.

In fact, symptoms are similar to those of other, less serious illnesses and conditions, often causing a delay in diagnosis. Also, some people with multiple myeloma never experience any symptoms, but signs shown up on blood work (for example, a decline in kidney function).

Signs and Symptoms of Multiple Myeloma

The signs and symptoms of multiple myeloma, like bone pain, fatigue, and numbness and tingling, can be described as complications of the disease. While a combination of these symptoms can suggest multiple myeloma, the actual diagnosis of multiple myeloma is detected though blood tests and other medical tests like a bone marrow biopsy.

Bone Pain and Bone Loss/Fractures in Multiple Myeloloma

Bone pain is a commonly experienced symptom of multiple myeloma. Low back pain is frequent, but pain can occur in other areas, like the ribs, hips, and skull. Bone pain can be caused by other non-malignant conditions, so it isn't exactly an initial red flag for multiple myeloma among doctors.

Bone loss, called osteoporosis, and unexplained fractures are also a symptom of multiple myeloma. The spine, ribs, and pelvis are common sites of bone breaks, or fractures, caused by bone weakening due to multiple myeloma.

Elevated Calcium Levels in the Blood in Multiple Myeloma

Elevated levels of calcium in the blood, termed hypercalcemia, is also a sign of multiple myeloma. As myeloma cells break down bone, calcium is released into the bloodstream. Hypercalcemia can cause:

  • nausea
  • loss of appetite
  • fatigue/weakness
  • excessive thirst/urination
  • constipation
  • mental confusion
  • kidney failure

Anemia in Multiple Myeloma

As myeloma cells begin to replace red blood cells in the bone marrow, normal cells are crowded out. This leads to a decline in the number of healthy red blood cells. When the amount of red blood cells decreases in the body, the resulting condition is anemia, which causes paleness, dizziness, weakness, fatigue, and shortness of breath.

Other blood cell counts may similarly be affected by multiple myeloma, including infection-fighting cells, called white blood cells, and platelets, which are involved in the clotting process. A low number of white blood cells can make a person prone to infections, especially pneumonia, urinary tract infections, and kidney infections. A low number of platelets can predispose a person to bleeding.

Kidney Damage in Multiple Myeloma

High levels of calcium and excess myeloma proteins in the blood are filtered through the kidneys, causing damage. As kidneys begin to fail, they lose their ability to regulate fluids and electrolytes in the body and remove waste products from the body.

Swelling, especially in the legs, is a symptom of kidney failure, along with weakness and itching. Kidney failure tends to occur most often in people with advanced cases of multiple myeloma, but is occasionally the first sign of multiple myeloma.

Hyperviscosity in Multiple Myeloma

Thickened blood, or hyperviscosity, can also be a sign of multiple myeloma and occurs from the excessive amount of proteins made by the cancerous plasma cells. With hyperviscosity, the blood is resistant to flow, and symptoms may include:

  • nose bleeds
  • blurred vision
  • numbing or tingling sensation in arms or legs
  • heart failure

Unexplained Weight Loss in Multiple Myeloma

While losing weight without effort may be welcomed by many, it can be a symptom of many types of cancer, including multiple myeloma.

Numbness and Tingling Sensations in Multiple Myeloma

When the bones of the spine are weakened or fractured by multiple myeloma, they can collapse onto nerve roots and compress them. This may cause a condition called radiculopathy, leading to symptoms like numbness, tingling, pain, and/or muscle weakness.

If the spinal cord is affected, a condition called spinal cord compression occurs, which is a medical emergency. In spinal cord compression, there is severe back pain, sensory disturbances or weakness of the legs, and/or loss of control of the bowel and bladder.

What Should I Do If I Have These Symptoms?

If you are experiencing any of the above symptoms, check in with your doctor. Multiple myeloma is a complex disease, and its symptoms mimic many other health conditions.

American Cancer Society. (2015). Signs and Symptoms of Multiple Myeloma.

US National Library of Medicine. PubMed Health. About Multiple Myeloma.

Continue Reading


Since the establishment of the Republic of Slovenia’s International Trust Fund for Demining and Mine Victims Assistance (ITF) in 1998, the United States has provided more than $52 million (U.S.) in humanitarian demining assistance to the countries in southeast Europe. This includes the recent expansion of funding assistance to countries in the Caucasus region. Together, the United States, the ITF, the mine-affected countries in the region and an impressive number of donors have demonstrated the success of regional cooperation.

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Thursday, October 8, 2015

Conflict Resolution Techniques For Awakening Times | 8 ways to find Peace in Conflict and Find Resolution...

Jeremy McDonald helped inspire Julian and I to do the outward work of this blog back in 2013. He wrote an interesting article on conflict resolution I think is very poignant in this time of awakening.

As a people we are fundamentally interconnected to all life and other beings. The ability to empathize with other life is hardwired into our biology. Mirror Neurons are cells within the brain that react to stimuli as if we were being affected.

In these awakening times, where the realities of interconnectedness are finally being rediscovered, we have access to knowledge that can help us heal ourselves and our relationships with others. For it is the collective power of each person's consciousness that manifests the world in which we all live. Instead of wasting our creative energy fighting amongst ourselves why not work together to create prosperity for all?

But what makes us get into conflict in the first place? The answer to this question penetrates to the core of what makes us who we are, that we are ultimately aspects of a singular and all encompassing consciousness, experiencing life in a dream of illusory separation. Other people are essentially reflections of ourselves and as such when we perceive another person rejecting our point of view, this causes us to feel hurt and harmed, because literally an aspect of who we are is not in harmony with us.

In this space of emotional instability a storm of conflict can grow, fueled by a primal desire to be accepted and loved. Since love and acceptance is ultimately what we seek from others, finding away to first give ourselves love so as to heal the inner discord and then acting compassionately with others is the foundation for all conflict resolution.

For how can we hope to have another accept our point of view if we cannot find a way to accept theirs?

Discourse is a term referring to a mutual exchange of ideas; a discussion. In most cases an argument is created because this flow of ideas, the metaphysical currency of consciousness, is being blocked by a defensive reaction; fear. In most cases there are beliefs, worldviews or perspectives that are being challenged by another, and this threatens our sense of self (the ego) potentially causing an emotional reaction of defensiveness.

The following excerpt is from an article discussing a diagram called the Argument Pyramid. Since the flow of ideas is an expression of our unique perspective, an aspect of who we are, the goal of discussion is to communicate and receive concepts. And when this flow stops, when we fall away from a central point of discussion, this is where argument tends to develop.

Here is the excerpt:

The goal of any discussion about ideas, beliefs or points of view is ideally done by sharing information completely, as it relates to a central point. This is not to force another to accept our beliefs, in fact a good discussion should challenge our accepted truths, expanding them with insights and enriching our point of view in the process.

I am hardly a perfect example of objective discussion and diplomacy, but ideally when someone is diverging away from the central point, I try to address their emotional charge using compassion and understanding. Rejecting someone's point of view usually creates further argument, as they try and justify their position. By accepting their position as is, and then building from there using compassionate questioning, we can attempt to create an emotionally easy space for vulnerability. This acknowledges the fact that the central point is no longer being discussed and attempts to address the emotional needs of others.

We get all sorts of incendiary comments on the blog and social media. Here is a good example from a Facebook share of the Summary of Cosmic Disclosure Episode 10:
"You know, I can't watch these guys cause their so interested in making money."

I responded with the following:

In law this is called conditional acceptance, where one party's perspective is acknowledge by the other party, while a the same time citing inconsistencies in an inquisitive way. Free will beings have different points of view as an inherent property of existence, therefore accepting their currant position will help create a space for vulnerability while focusing on the critical points of discussion.

In my view, we have farm more to unify on then to let divide us. In our present day and age, it is perfectly acceptable to argue and conflict with others and it is even encouraged by society to polarize in groups which are focused only on hating or rejecting something. But the cost of fighting amongst ourselves is socially destructive and causes us internal pain from rejection.

By developing the ability to use skills of compassion and empathy, by honoring the free will and points of view of others, we can resolve conflict and finally recognize the advantages of cooperation. For our world could be a paradise of abundance if we only set aside petty differences and worked together to ensure a prosperous future for all life.

- Justin

Source - Jeremy McDonald

Each one of us in our daily lives runs across many situations of conflict and these situations pop up in our lives over and over again to help us grow. So we can choose to take them as something happening to us or we can choose to navigate through them with the idea that each situation has been presented to us as an opportunity.

Basically, in short we can either choose to be a victim and look at the world as beating us down or we can flip that idea around and see it as always working in our favor. Even the times that are tough become positive when we become grateful for opportunities that help us grow.

When it comes to conflict between people we could consider the following ideas to help us navigate through these situations and come out on the other end as a win-win situation for both parties.

1. Give up the need to be "RIGHT"

I've honestly found in most conflict, arguments and disagreements there is a serious breakdown in communication. Often times I work with people and I ask them have you spoke to the person you are upset about? I usually get a very aggressive response stating they have tried but no one is listening!

As I probe deeper into the topic, I typically find the individual is upset because the person they are upset with will not "change" so they themselves can feel better.

It's very interesting to watch "we have all done it" we think to ourselves if "THEY" would just listen to me everything would be fine! Or if they would just stop and listen to me they would see how I am feeling!

I can tell you in these scenarios the person who is upset is also not listening to the person they are upset with either. As you can probably imagine they are also not listening to themselves. Overall, they are wanting the other person to see their point of view but at the same time they reject the other person's point of view.

This leads me to think about Stephen Covey and his writings on one of the Habits of Highly Successful people, which is: Seek First to Understand and then to Be Understood - Basically if you stop and LISTEN - Get Still and listen to not only the other persons needs but also to stop and get honest about what you are truly wanting you would be able to gain a clearer perspective.

Often times we are just upset and we are not thinking about what we are saying and not fully aware of what we are feeling. Which leads me to the next step...

2. Process your thoughts and understand them before you address them with another person.

Typically what I find is people allow things to build up and never really think about whatever is upsetting them. As they let their reactions build up and keep pushing the causes aside, this poison festers inside of them and leaves their mind to wander and think things that are either not true or are completely distorted.

This is why you should take sometime to think about what it is that is truly bothering you and while you are at it.. try to think about the other persons perspective while you are processing your own.

Once you have processed what is going on within you, if you still feel like you need to talk about your feelings then now you do so calmly.

3. Speak your truth and do it with compassion...

I can guarantee you nothing comes from yelling at another person or telling them what they are doing wrong.. if you spend your time speaking your truth by just addressing how many things another person is doing wrong then I can tell you it will push on their ego, and most likely it wont be received well...

Try saying this as you speak to others about what is bothering you:

"I need to talk to you about something that has been bothering me and let me start by saying my emotions in this situation are about me not about you... "

Then go on by saying:

"I wanted to know what you mean when you say ___________________ because I received it this way ________.

These two statements make sure that you take ownership for your feelings and are not projecting them on to the other person and you are also asking for clarification on what their intention was.

Which leads me to the next step...

4. We want to pay attention to another persons intentions

You have no idea how many times I work with couples, friends, co-workers that look at another and say "YOU ARE MAKING ME FEEL THIS WAY!" and the truth is no they are not. No one can make you feel emotions, only you can create that.. No one has this kind of power over you.. YOUR REACTIONS ARE YOUR OWN!

This is why asking for clarification one what another's intentions are helps you understand what they intended prior to expressing how you feel. [Even though a good intention can have negative effects, knowing the intention allows us to empathize with the other person, helping to calm reactionary emotions within.]

Recently, I had a friend accuse me of being rude on a social media site. While she was doing this, I was expressing to her what my intention was. As we continued speaking she insisted I needed to correct how I was treating her. I continued to ask her how is it that I can make you feel this way when my intention was coming from a place of curiosity and love? I finally had to back away from the conversation because the more I attempted to talk to her the more she got upset. In this instance she was basing her reactions on her perceptions of the situation and not what my true intentions were.

A person's intention is the most important part of communication and understanding them helps us really break down and streamline conflict resolution. This is because if you understand where someone is coming from then you can look at your own reaction and assess whether you need to look within yourself or set a boundary with your friend. [In other words, did they really intend to harm us or did I misperceive their behavior towards me?]

5. Communicate clear boundaries with people

There is nothing wrong with saying to people this is what I like or do not like; nothing at all. How we deliver this message is very important, for after we have gained clarification and after we have expressed how we have felt, we can say these are things I do not like or do like in a calm way. Once we have processed our own reaction and taken the time to understand another's perception, we then can share our boundaries from a place of mutual respect and love.

6. It's important to not feel the need to have the last word

Are you are a person who has the desire or need to have the last word all the time? Then stop and listen to what is going on inside of you. Why do you need to have the last word? If you begin to start thinking: "well they need to hear my perspective and they are not listening to me," then it's probably because your desire to be accepted is based on fear and not love. [If having the last word is about feeling like 'you've won the argument' then it shows you that your need for acceptance is probably co-dependent. Everyone at some level simply wants others to receive their point of view openly, and when people in our lives refuse to accept us, it can cause us to go on the attack. But by going within and realizing we can't force another to accept us, we can have patience and allow another to become still as well. Developing the ability to be patient helps avoid the feeling of urgency that can cause us to try and force others to accept our point of view.]

7. Use these tools for "SELF-ASSESSMENT" not for analyzing another person...

I know some of you are reading this and thinking about someone right now thinking "if they only followed this they would not have the problems they are having." Come on admit it? It's ok because we have all done this! Now stop and take a moment to turn the reflection inward and process the conflict for yourself; not another! [Our perspective on the conflict and how it makes us feel are the things that create emotional turbulence. By focusing on ourselves we can heal the inner angst and give ourselves the best chance to resolve the conflict with another by not maintaining a consciousness of reactivity. This helps us develop an appreciation for finding a mutually beneficial solution, instead of trying to force another to accept only our terms, conditions and perspectives. And if no resolution can be found at the moment, from this space of inner calm we can let it go to resolve the conflict another day; ideally after the other person has processed their own perspective.]

8. Last but not least and most important... You cannot, and I repeat, CANNOT change anybody!

I know we have all heard this but as our world changes and the dynamics of our relationships change our fearful mind can lash out and try to fulfill the need to feel better by controlling our surroundings; attempting to control others. This again is a time to stop and take a look at ourselves and use these steps as a guide to help us become more self aware.

[Self knowledge, understanding why we react, why we need to feel accepted, why what another person thinks is so important to us, is essential to resolving conflict because in truth the only real power we have is to change from within. Once we gain inner stillness, we can have compassion with others and share our perspectives without the need for them to be accepted. Honoring another person's perspective is honoring their free will choice and the deep psychology behind all conflict is a perception that our free will is not being honored. Ultimately the cause and solution to all conflict comes from the ability to empathize with another, to see with their eyes and in doing so honor their free will.

And if another person's desire is to cause harm to us, we can set a boundary that honors ourselves as well as the other person. This is the basis of morality, ethics and harmonious co-creation; the goal of justice and the golden rule. The ability to respect another's point of view completely, while at the same time ensuring they do not harm us or others.]

Once again realize that the whole world is presenting you with many opportunities to grow and develop yourself into a greater person. This is done so you can find a greater sense of peace, happiness and understanding of yourself and others.

Happy Self Awareness!

Also check out this article which goes into co-dependency as well as control dramas:

Much love to you!

READ MORE from Jeremy McDonald @

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