GDPR and Recruitment – What Does it Mean?

Since the introduction of the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) in May, recruitment agencies have had to prepare and plan accordingly. GDPR has required recruitment agencies to change the way in which they work in order to adhere to the regulations.

What is GDPR?

Essentially, GDPR is about protecting data but it is also aimed at protecting the right of people. This is down to the fact that data privacy is a human rights issue and so, GDPR was introduced as an attempt to ensure that these privacy right are enforced in the correct way. Prior to the introduction of GDPR, the Data Protection Act of 1998 was in place but over time, the way in which recruitment agencies and businesses handled data changes and so, data control became lost along the way. This means that individuals found that they had less control over who was in possession of the data and so, GDPR was implemented as a way of tackling this problem.

Underpinning GDPR are the rights of individuals and the way in which they have the right to take control of their own data. This involves enhanced transparency, the removal of data and many other data-related rights.

For recruitment agencies, this means that individuals have to be made aware that you have their data. Therefore, it is the responsibility of recruitment agencies to inform individuals that you have their data and how you will use it. Individuals will also have the right to make requests in order to find out what data is being processed and so, recruitment agencies will have 30 days to provide them with every piece of data that is being processes both in a hard or soft copy.

Recruitment Agencies and their GDPR Responsibilities

GDPR is made up of many different parts and not all of them apply to recruitment agencies. This highlights the importance of recruitment agencies understanding what is required of them in order to comply with the regulations.

Recruitment agencies will have to ensure that all data is kept up-to-date and that is kept for no longer than is required. They also have to have a legal basis for processing data with all data breaches being monitored and reported with 72 hours of being identified. There is also a significant importance surrounding the protection of data and that means that recruitment agencies are required to put the correct security precautions in place to prevent breaches. Along with this, recruitment agencies are required to put the correct measures in place to protect data and that relates to policies and training to ensure that the data protocols are followed.

What Do Recruitment Agencies Need to Do?

To remain compliant, recruitment agencies will be required to carry out regular audits in an attempt to assess any risks that you might create for others when you process their data, including that of candidates, clients and employees. These risks have to reduced by implementing data cleansing, safeguarding and relevant training. One very important aspect of remaining compliant is having the ability to demonstrate the steps you have taken and that will prove that you value, respect and protect the personal data that you possess.


1 Feb

US Dollar Index Got a Double Boost

WRITTEN BY David Meyer

US Dollar Index rose by 1.2%

The US Dollar Index measures the strength of the US dollar against the other major currencies. It saw a double uptick on January 29, 2016. Early in the day, the Bank of Japan announced a negative interest rate policy. It had a positive impact on the US Dollar Index. The Japanese yen is a major currency in the bucket of currencies that the US dollar is weighed against in the US Dollar Index. Later in the day, the release of the US advanced GDP (gross domestic product) for the fourth quarter saw the second uptick in the US Dollar Index. The US Dollar Index reached a high of 99.8 for the day.

US Dollar Index Got a Double Boost

4Q15 GDP

The Bureau of Economic Analysis published the advanced GDP for 4Q15 on January 29, 2016. The GDP rose by 0.7%. It was nearly in line with the forecasts of 0.8%. Compared to the rise of 2% in the third quarter, this was slightly disappointing. It seemed that the market already factored in a fall from the highs in the third quarter. The rise of 0.7% in the GDP over the fourth quarter was primarily due to personal consumption expenditures and government spending. They were partly offset by the fall in private investments and exports.

Impact on the market

Regarding ETFs, the PowerShares DB US Dollar Bullish ETF (UUP) rose by 1.3% on January 29, 2016. The WisdomTree Bloomberg US Dollar Bullish Fund ETF (USDU) encompasses developed economies and emerging market currencies. It rose by 0.69%.

US stocks were on a positive trajectory on January 29, 2016. Lennar (LEN) and Toll Brothers (TOL) rose by 1.3% and 1.60%, respectively. Banking-related stocks also followed a similar pattern. Bank of America (BAC) rose by 1.0%.

Latest articles

Broadcom (AVGO) stock fell ~8.5% after markets closed yesterday following the semiconductor giant's fiscal 2019 second-quarter earnings release. It missed analysts' revenue estimate and cut its fiscal 2019 revenue guidance by $2 billion to $22.5 billion due to sluggishness in its semiconductor solutions business.

The SPDR Gold Shares ETF (GLD), which tracks physical gold prices, has underperformed the broader markets year-to-date, rising just 4.4% compared to the S&P 500’s (SPY) gain of 15.9% as of June 14. The sentiment for gold, however, has been turning around.

Safe havens such as Treasuries and gold were back in favor on June 14 as stocks fell due to rising tensions in the Middle East, concerns over growth, and the looming threat of the US-China trade war. The tech-heavy Nasdaq Composite Index fell 0.67% in the first hour of trading.

Lululemon (LULU) stock rose 2.1% on June 13 in reaction to better-than-expected first-quarter results and an upgraded outlook for fiscal 2019 overall. The company's first-quarter adjusted EPS grew 34.5% to $0.74 on revenue growth of 20.4% to $782.32 million. Analysts had expected EPS of $0.70 and revenue of $755.31 million. Here's why the outlook got an upgrade.

14 Jun

IEA Again Slashes Its Oil Demand Growth Estimate

WRITTEN BY Rabindra Samanta

As of 4:40 AM Eastern Time today, US crude oil active futures were at $51.83, ~4% below their closing level in the previous week. If US crude oil prices stay at those levels today, they'll mark their third week of decline in five weeks.

14 Jun

Why Kimberly-Clark Stock May Stop Rising

Kimberly-Clark (KMB) stock has risen 20.5% this year, boosted by the company’s better-than-expected sales and earnings during its last reported quarter. However, its stock could stop climbing. Here's why.


Sprache(n): Farsi.

Land: Vereinigte Staaten.

Genre: Informationen and Kultur.

Satelliten : hotbird

VoA TV Persian SENDERN VOM SATELLITEN hotbird - Fernsehprogramm

„Roya Khat“ is one of its most famous flagship programmes, raising awareness among the Iranian public about significant issues. This programme is telecasted once in a week. So the happenings of the entire week are analysed in depth from different angles. The topics of discussion include: science, technology, social issues, politics, economy, art, environment, and culture. Though these issues are subjected to restrictions by the Iranian media and censorship board in the country, the channel attracts a lot of viewers and also generates a lot of interest even in the American society.

The unique aspect of the Roya Khat is that, it highlights crucial issues that are bound to generate a lot of debate, creating awareness among the public. Since the common people play a major role in these programmes by actively voting on issues and voicing their opinion, they gain immense attention by all sections of the society. The show is presented by Mehdi Falahati, a journalist who previously collaborated with BBC Persian and also worked as a correspondent, editor and presenter for various radio stations in London. He has numerous books to his credit, including interviews with Iranian personalities like politicians, intellectuals, poets, and writers.

If you are interested to discover about the issues and subjects that affect the Iranian society, then VoA Persian TV channel will certainly appeal to your interest.

Technische Informationen zur Installierung des Senders

7W MENA VOA 24 SD 12.398 V DVB-S 27.5
13 deg East VOA EU HD 100 HD 12.225 V DVB-S 27.5
13 deg East VOA EU SD 240 SD 12.225 V DVB-S 27.5
13 deg East VOA HDTV Pilot 130 HD 12.225 V DVB-S 27.5
7W MENA VOA Iraq N/S 11.257 H DVB-S2 27.5
13 deg East VOA Persian HD 235 HD 12.225 V DVB-S 27.5
13 deg East VOA Persian SD 225 SD 12.225 V DVB-S 27.5


In the "Dune Genesis" essay originally published in the July 1980 issue of Omni Magazine* Frank Herbert wrote:

"I now believe that evolution, or deevolution[sic], never ends short of death, that no society has ever achieved an absolute pinnacle, that all humans are not created equal. In fact, I believe attempts to create some abstract equalization create a morass of injustices that rebound on the equalizers. Equal justice and equal opportunity are ideals we should seek, but we should recognize that humans administer the ideals and that humans do not have equal ability."

  • Did he try to say that humans have not the ability to administer succefully these ideals?
  • Was he trying to say that humans doing it have not equal ideals?
  • Simply saying that some humans have not the ability to administer the ideals while others have it?
  • Or, the worst meaning to me, "some humans don't deserve equality because their lack of ability"?

Although this essay is not inside one of his books, I think people need to know Herbert's science fiction work to know his way of thinking.

I managed to found a 1981 interview at Mother Earth News, an ecology-oriented magazine, that think could be relevant to navigate his political thinking outside his books, about disrupt of government and welfare state and the flaws of humans leaders, and I recognize some compromise between freedom and equality he could be concerned. But I wish to hear insights of the Science Fiction experts how knows his material.

(*) Herbert, Frank (July 1980). "Dune Genesis". Omni 2 (2): p. 72. ISSN 0149-8711.

  • 1
    Certainly not that last point. Really, only your first point comes close. – JRE Jan 12 at 8:57
  • 4
    Consider concepts like separate but equal (mostly discredited in US political discourse), equality of chances, and equality of outcome. Systems which aim for equality of outcome despite different ability tend to hold people back to the lowest common denominator, systems which aim for equality of chances for people with unequal ability accept unequal outcomes. – o.m. Jan 12 at 9:15
  • 2
    Cross-posted on Politics.SE (and currently on HNQ!) – Jenayah Jan 13 at 21:42
  • 3
    Thanks again @Jenayah for your insights, I created a SFF Meta question to solve this gray area problem. – Leopoldo Sanczyk Jan 14 at 2:45
  • 5
    After meta agreement that this question is on-topic for SFF, and after a discussion between SFF and Politics mods wherein we agreed that the two versions of the question are sufficiently different to coexist on the network, I'm reopening this on our site too. – Rand al'Thor Jan 17 at 13:54

"Equal justice and equal opportunity are ideals we should seek"

Somewhat self-explanatory - we strive to make sure that everyone has access to the same opportunities, and are seen as equal under the law.

"but we should recognize that humans administer the ideals"

Humans do not see, understand, or interpret things the same uniformly. So different judges may have different opinions on the proper punishment for a crime, for any number of parameters, and personal feelings (or prejudices) may cloud decisions on who should get first crack at an opportunity for a job.

"and that humans do not have equal ability."

Some people are simply better at certain things than others. While everyone has the opportunity to, to pick an example, participate in the Olympics, now everyone has equal ability to do so. Competition is still a thing, and some people will win at things and some will lose. While we can strive to eliminate unfair advantages and cheating, we cannot (reasonably) eliminate people's talents or adeptness in particular areas. That would lead us to the mad world of Vonnegut's Harrison Bergeron.

The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong; but that's the way to bet.

Your Answer


Ex:Re | Ex:Re

by Taylor Giangregorio

Elena Tonra of the band Daughter has released the vinyl and CD version of her eponymously-titled solo debut “Ex:Re” (pronounced ex ray). Already on heavy rotation at the Flaunt offices, the album features 10 tracks filled with cathartic tunes and mimic seemingly unwritten letters of heartbreak.

Ex:Re worked closely with directors Iain Forsyth and Jane Pollard to create the music video for the fifth track off the album “The Dazzler,” a hotel imagined in Ex:Re’s lyrics. The video features actress Maxine Peake unfolding the woeful lyrics that Ex:Re penned from a personal experience.

Tonra said, “What I loved about their idea for the video was to take the original song - which is a detailed account of a night I had spent in a New York hotel room - and transform that hotel from a physical place into a concept,” elaborating on the directors’ creative decisions. “The hotel in the video is symbolizing the endless loop of being stuck somewhere, like being stuck in limbo, because you cannot get over your last love.”

The majority of the video is shot in red and blue luminescent lighting, complementing the darker themes of desolation and self-pity behind Peake’s utterly heartbreaking performance.

The two directors, who previously worked on videos with Daughter for the record “Not to Disappear,” explain, “Elena told us The Dazzler was a real place, but we wanted to transform it into a hotel of the mind.” Iain and Jane continue, “That lost, sedated limbo you get stuck in when you can’t get over your last relationship. With a colour palette borrowed from Hitchcock’s ‘Vertigo’, our hotel room becomes a kaleidoscopic vision of a world stuck in an endless loop. Swimming in regret and drowning in thick alcohol.”

Originally released digitally on Nov. 30, the physically released is sure to rest nice in your library. Playing off the moniker, Tonra’s lyrics peel back and digest each layer of heartbreak - taking a look from within, mimicking the function of an x-ray. Prepare for an emotional experience.


Kitchener insurance software

Turn Your Obstacles into Opportunities

Every person has obstacles in their life. How they overcome them determines their success.

Some people see obstacles as a puzzle to solve. Others see obstacles as threats. Still, others see obstacles as meaning they cannot succeed. Your view of barriers to achieving your goals affects how you react.

When you see obstacles as an opportunity to grow, you change your destiny and the quality of your life forever.

Think about these following tips we’re presenting to you… which ones do you already do well, and which ones could you add to your style of overcoming obstacles?

See your obstacles as just detours along the way

Never stop believing in yourself and in the achievability of your goals. Surely you already heard the motto “obstacles are what you see when you take your eye off your goals”. Don’t let giving up be a part of your culture, do something worthwhile.

Once your eyes are set on your target, don’t get sidetracked by minor obstacles; no matter how hard it gets, stick to your plan.

Hope alone will never get you there

There will always be complications as you move towards your goals, and wishing them away won’t work.

When you create specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-based goals (also known as SMART), in a way, you’re ensuring success. Measure and celebrate your progress and accomplishments to motivate and propel you forward at a faster pace.

Always set those standards and see how much easier it will be to keep moving ahead in spite of obstacles.

Focus on what you can do

There will always be things out of your control. Instead of wasting time and effort thinking about the things we cannot do, focus on what you can do. Use the obstacle as a means to become better or think of creative ways to overcome it.

When you hit a wall, don’t just stand there and wonder why you hit the wall; find a way to climb, go around it, or breach through it to get to the other side.

Control your response to events

We can’t control the events and circumstances of life, but we can control how we react to them, our response.

If you want to prevail despite the odds, choose attitude. Develop an unshakable belief in yourself and your capabilities; have the confidence to be the exception, the one who overcomes all obstacles, someone who’s willing to bet on yourself.

All in all, obstacles are inevitable.

All successful people have faced and overcome their own obstacles.

Find conviction in your goals, create a smart plan, come up with creative solutions and get into the right mindset… you do all that, and you’ll have the power and the determination to succeed.

Stay strong!

Harnessing the Overlooked Power of Faith

“There is no problem in any situation that faith will not solve.”

What if we believe there is a beneficent order to things? A force that’s holding things together without our conscious control?

What if we could get to see that force at work in our daily lives?
And what if we could believe this force to be loving, caring and protective in essence?

The Universe is an array of mechanisms with a brilliance of design and efficiency our human efforts haven’t got even close to grasping… Planets revolve around stars, seeds become flowers, and embryos become babies, all without any help from us; we don’t have to make them work, they just do.

Nature’s intelligence functions with effortless ease . . . with carefreeness, harmony, and love. And if we could harness the forces of harmony, joy, and love, we create success and good fortune with effortless ease.

Their flow is built into a natural system, and you and I are an integral part of that system.

What if we could let our lives be directed by the same force that makes flowers grow, instead of forcing our will into it?
What if we could rely more on Faith?

But what is Faith? Is it to place our trust into something based on things we hope for?
I believe that’s a poor, traditional, and weak definition of it

Faith is trust in the force that moves the Universe. Faith isn’t blind, it is visionary; it is believing that the Universe is on our side and that the Universe knows what it’s doing.

Faith is a psychological awareness of an unfolding force for good, constantly at work in the world around us.

When we attempt to direct or manipulate this force, we only interfere with is; but when we trust and relax into it, we allow it to work on our behalf.

When we don’t use our Faith, we’re frantically trying to control what it is not our business to control and to control what it’s not in our power to fix. I mean we can, but only from our limited and biased point of view, which most of the time is far from what’s really best for us, and ends up being a waste of our time.

We truly find our power not in actively pursuing a goal, but in finding the path of less resistance; allowing our goal to come naturally to us.

Every given moment is as it’s supposed to be.
When we accept people, situations, circumstances, and events as they happen, we take responsibility for those situations and events, and stop seeing them as problems and start seeing them as learning and growth opportunities, and that allows us to take those moments and transform them into a great benefit.

That’s the way we get in harmony with the flow of the Universe.

Stay strong!

Keep Your Cool and Find Your Way to Success

The ability to remain calm under pressure is an almost certain way to create success.

Research made with more than a million people found that 90 percent of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control.

Prolonged stress causes degeneration in the area of the brain responsible for self-control. The tricky thing about stress though (and the anxiety that comes with it) is that it’s an absolutely necessary emotion. Our brains are wired such that it’s difficult to take action until we feel at least some level of this emotional state. In fact, performance peaks under the heightened activation that comes with moderate levels of stress.

As long as the stress isn’t prolonged, it’s harmless; it is the intermittent stressful events that keep the brain more alert, and you perform better when you are alert,

This is what they do that most people don’t:

They appreciate what they have.

Taking time to contemplate what you’re grateful for isn’t merely the “right” thing to do. It also improves your mood, because it reduces drastically the stress levels in the body.

They avoid asking “What if?” negatively

They stay positive.

Positive thoughts help make stress intermittent by focusing your brain’s attention onto something that is completely stress-free. The key is selecting something positive to think about.

They disconnect.

When you make yourself available to your work 24/7, you expose yourself to a constant barrage of stressors. Taking regular time off the grid can help keep your stress under control.

They squash negative self-talk.

They reframe their perspective.

They breathe.

The easiest way to make stress intermittent lies in something that you have to do every day anyway: breathing. The practice of being in the moment with your breathing will begin to train your brain to focus solely on the task at hand and get the stress monkey off your back.

They use their support system.

So, what can YOU do to enter your calm state?

See you next week. Stay strong!

(Source: Travis Bradberry)

How to Live a Life of Purpose

I believe that each one of us is born with a distinctive Purpose. For some of us it’s a clear and obvious passion for certain activities that, through time and persistence, we get to develop from a set of talents into very profitable skills.

In some cases, those talents are easily identified from an early age. Some kids, like my daughter, for instance, are singing, dancing, and telling stories all the time; so it’s very likely she would end up in the artistic world. Some others show an inherent talent for business, making plans and selling things to their friends.

Identifying, accepting and honoring this Purpose is the best you could possibly do if you want to live a fulfilled, happy, and content life.

You have to learn how to identify your passion and Life Purpose since, once you know what it is, you can use it to guide you as a road map against which you can contrast all your goals and action plans. Once you finally reach them, you get to experience inner peace and real fulfillment.

Shown below is a list of eight steps you can use as a guide to help you find your Life Purpose. We’ll be covering them in detail in the following articles.

1. Define Your Purpose
2. Follow Your Inner Guidance (What Is Your Heart Telling You?)
3. Be Clear About Your Life Purpose
4. Conduct a Passion Test
5. Think About The Times You’ve Experienced the Greatest Joy In Your Life
6. Follow This Example of Finding Purpose
7. Align Your Goals With Your Life Purpose and Passions
8. Lean Into Your True Life Purpose

On our next article, we’ll be talking about a way to start exploring those things that come easy to you, the qualities you enjoy expressing in the world, and how to find and make your Purpose statement.

In the meantime, think about what are the things you love to do? What makes you feel alive?

Until next week.
Stay strong!

A 3-step Plan to Face Your Fears

1. Forget about the things that are not up to you

If you don’t have control over certain things, don’t worry about them. Stop wasting your time plotting and making contingency plans to make sure those things will never happen.

Brave people focus on what they can control, and all of us, in any given moment, only have control over three things: the thoughts we think, the images we visualize, and the actions we take.

2. Before you start anything, you got to face your fears

When you’re about to start a new project, think about all the possible outcomes; then make a list of all the obstacles you may bump into… be realistic, and you’ll see they are not as bad as you thought they were.

When you acknowledge that you’ve already been through quite a lot, and survived, then it’s not such a big deal.

Once you face your fear, you can move on. When you figure out the odds, you will see that you have the inner strength to deal with whatever cards life deals to you.

3. Imagine the alternative

Visualize the result of giving into your fears and give up; really feel the cost of letting yourself be overwhelmed by fear and all the consequent loss…

Then do the opposite; feel the victory and the benefits of having courageously pursued your goals… weigh the two carefully, and see the difference.

When faced with a scary situation, you can always choose between these two: You can hold back and withdraw, or you can take the challenge, learn something new, train, and do whatever it takes and rise to the occasion.

See yourself always rising your game, and step into the major league, and you will increase your opportunities for present and future success.

It’s all up to you, it all depends on how you choose to live your life.

My advice? Take challenges head-on, take the next step and build your courage. It will open the doors to a whole new world.

Stay strong.


Africans and African-Americans who swapped diets for just 2 weeks had gut changes suggesting their risk of bowel cancer also changed, researchers say.

In the experiment, 20 African-Americans from Pittsburgh, USA, and 20 rural South Africans swapped diets by eating meals prepared by researchers that were typical of ingredients and cooking techniques of the other group, with the rural African diet being high in fibre and low in fat.

Before-and-after colonoscopies found individuals in each group took on gut changes typical of the norm for the other group, including reduced or increased fibre fermentation and inflammation associated with cancer risk.

African-Americans in the study had an increase in butyrate production when they switched to the high-fibre, low-fat diet. Butyrate is a by-product of the breakdown of dietary fibre by bacteria in the gut and is believed to be protective against cancer. People with inflammatory bowel disease seem to lack butyrate-producing bacteria in their guts.

Last Reviewed: 03/07/2015

1. Nat Commun 2015; online 28 Apr


Sleep Disorders Glossary T

Sleep Disorders Glossary - T

Tachycardia is the rapid heart rate, especially one above 100 beats per minute in an adult .

Teeth Grinding /Bruxism

Teeth grinding is the term that refers to an incessant grinding and clenching of the teeth. Teeth grinding usually occur during sleep. It is also known as Bruxism.

Thalamus is the large ovoid mass of gray matter situated in the posterior part of the forebrain that relays sensory impulses to the cerebral cortex.

Thermoregulation is the procedure of regulating body temperature.

Theta Activity

Theta Activity is the EEG brain wave activity with a frequency of 4-8 Hz. It is most prominent over the central and temporal cortex.

Thoracic Excursion

Thoracic Excursion is the thoracic (chest) movement, indicating respiratory effort.  Usually measured by the placement of a sensor band, which includes a strain gauge around the chest.  The sensor band records chest wall movement associated with respirations .

Tidal Volume

Tidal Volume is the amount of air that passes in and out of the lungs in an ordinary breath. It is usually expressed in liters.

Titration is the method of determining optimal CPAP treatment parameters for sleep apnea. This involves manual or automatic adjustment of the CPAP device to a level that eradicates airway blockage.

Tolerance in pharmacology refers to the decreased responsiveness to a drug's action as the result of earlier continued use.

Tonic (Event/Activity)

Tonic (Event/Activity) is the brain, muscle, or autonomic events, which are continuous.  Usually refers to continuous activity (e.g. muscle atonia) during REM sleep .

Tonsils are the two masses of tissue on either side of the throat. The tonsils, part of the lymphatic system, help defend the body against harmful microorganisms.

Tonsillectomy is the surgical removal of the tonsils.

Total Sleep Period / Total Recording Time

Total sleep period is the period of time measured from sleep onset to final wakening. In addition to total sleep time, it is comprised of the time taken up by arousals and movement time until wake-up.

It the amount of actual sleep time in a sleep period. It equal to total sleep period less movements and awake time. Total sleep time is the total of all REM and NREM sleep in a sleep period.

Tracheotomy is a surgical procedure that opens up the windpipe (trachea). It is performed in emergency situations, in the operating room, or at bedside of critically ill patients.

The term tracheostomy is sometimes used interchangeably with tracheotomy. Strictly speaking, however, tracheostomy usually refers to the opening itself while a tracheotomy is the actual operation.

Transducer is a device, such as a piezoelectric crystal, microphone, or photoelectric cell, which converts input energy of one form into output energy of another .

Transient Arousals

Transient Arousals is brief awakenings from sleep.

Transient Insomnia

Transient Insomnia is difficulty sleeping for only a few nights. It is sometimes called adjustment sleep disorder or situational insomnia, it is sleeplessness that lasts a few consecutive nights and is often triggered by stress or excitement.

Tricyclic Antidepressants (Antidepressants)

Tricyclic Antidepressants (Antidepressants) is any of a group of antidepressant drugs, such as amitryptyline, that contain three fused benzene rings and that block the reuptake of the neurotransmitters norepinephrine and serotonin in the central nervous system.

Turbinate - Small, shelf-like, cartilaginous structures covered by mucous membranes, which protrude into the nasal airway to help warm, humidify, and cleanse inhaled air on its way to the lungs. It is also called the nasal concha.

Turbinate Reduction

Turbinate Reduction is a surgical treatment used to reduce the size of an enlarged turbinate, which can improve the size of the nasal airway, thereby treating obstructive sleep apnea.

Twilight Zone

Twilight Zone is a slang term that explains the waking state of individuals whose MSLT scores are 5 minutes or less. These kind of individuals are usually sleep deprived or suffer from a sleep disorder.

Twitch (Body Twitch)

Twitch (Body Twitch) is to draw, pull, or move suddenly and sharply or jerk that is not usually associated with an arousal.

All Article Categories


Web browsers can read HTML files and compose them into visible or audible web pages. Browsers do not display the HTML tags and scripts, but use them to interpret the content of the page. HTML describes the structure of a website semantically along with cues for presentation, making it a markup language, rather than a programming language.
HTML elements form the building blocks of all websites. HTML allows images and objects to be embedded and can be used to create interactive forms. It provides a means to create structured documents by denoting structural semantics for text such as headings, paragraphs, lists, links, quotes and other items. It can embed scripts written in languages such as JavaScript which affect the behavior of HTML web pages.
Web browsers can also refer to Cascading Style Sheets (CSS) to define the look and layout of text and other material. The World Wide Web Consortium (W3C), maintainer of both the HTML and the CSS standards, encourages the use of CSS over explicit presentational HTML.


Chantell Leyden

Foot Troubles Solved

What Is Overpronation Of The Foot

Pronation is a normal motion that our feet make as they walk. With each step, the heel touches the ground first, then the foot rolls forward to the toes, causing the ankle to roll inward slightly and the arch to flatten out. That?s normal. But when that rolling inward becomes more pronounced, that?s over-pronation, which is a big problem. You can usually see over-pronation by looking at the back of the leg and foot. The Achilles tendon normally runs straight down from the leg to the foot, hitting the floor at a perpendicular angle. In feet that over-pronate, the Achilles tendon will be at a slight angle to the ground and the ankle bone will appear more prominent than usual.Overpronation

Abnormal foot biomechanics usually causes over-use type injuries, occurring most frequently in runners. When a neutral foot pronates during walking or running, the lower leg, knee and thigh all rotate internally (medially). When an athlete with an overpronated foot runs, this rotation movement is exaggerated and becomes more marked.

Eventually, over-pronation can lead to a full list of maladies including flat feet, plantar fasciitis, plantar fibroma, neuromas, heel spurs, shin splints, ankle sprains, bunions, hammertoes, calluses, and pain in the arches, knee, hip and lower back. But it doesn?t have to go that far, because there are steps we can take to correct the over-pronation. In the vast majority of cases, we?ll prescribe custom foot orthotics, which will realign your ankles, redistribute the weight, support the arch and reduce the twisting. Many orthotics will fit snugly into your normal shoes. Although we?ll also take a look at the type of shoes you wear to see if they are contributing to the problem.

So, how can you tell if you have overpronation, or abnormal motion in your feet, and what plantar fasciitis treatment will work to correct it? Look at your feet. While standing, do you clearly see the arch on the inside of your foot? If not, and if the innermost part of your sole touches the floor, then your feet are overpronated. Look at your (running/walking) shoes. If your shoes are more worn on the inside of the sole in particular, then pronation may be a problem for you. Use the wet foot test. Wet your feet and walk along a section of pavement, then look at the footprints you leave behind. A normal foot will leave a print of the heel connected to the forefoot by a strip approximately half the width of the foot on the outside of the sole. If you?re feet are pronated there may be little distinction between the rear and forefoot.Over Pronation

Non Surgical Treatment

If a young child is diagnosed with overpronation braces and custom orthotics can be, conjunction with strengthening and stretching exercises, to realign the bones of the foot. These treatments may have to continue until the child has stopped growing, and orthotics may need to be worn for life in order to prevent the foot reverting to an overpronated state. Wearing shoes that properly support the foot, particularly the arch, is one of the most effective treatments for overpronation. Custom-made orthotic inserts can also be very beneficial. They too support the arch and distribute body weight correctly throughout the foot. Motion-control shoes that prohibit pronation can be worn, so may be useful for those with severe overpronation. One good treatment is to walk barefoot as often as possible. Not relying on shoes to support the arch will encourage proper muscle use. Practicing yoga can help to correct poor posture and teach you how to stand with your weight balanced evenly across the whole foot.

Surgical Treatment

Subtalar Arthroereisis. Primary benefit is that yje surgery is minimally invasive and fully reversible. the primary risk is a high chance of device displacement, generally not tolerated in adults.

An implant is pushed into the foot to block the excessive motion of the ankle bone. Generally only used in pediatric patients and in combination with other procedures, such as tendon lengthening. Reported removal rates vary from 38% - 100%, depending on manufacturer.


Breakup albums mark a turning point for a band: the moment when their sound completely changes and reaches a new level of emotional clarity. All that heartbreak and malaise condensed into any single record often makes for a defining piece of work, no matter the genre. The best records explore the nooks and crannies of sadness, learning it inside and out — celebrating it. Ceremony’s fifth studio album, The L-Shaped Man, uses singer Ross Farrar’s recent breakup as a platform to explore loneliness and emotional weariness, but it is by no means a purely sad album. Rather than look inward, Farrar uses his experience to write about what it means to go through something heavy and come out the other side a different person.

In order to tell Farrar's story, Ceremony have almost completely stripped back the propulsive hardcore of their previous records, turning every angry outburst into simmering despair. “We’ve always tried to be minimalists in writing, even if it’s loud or fast or abrasive,” says lead guitarist Anthony Anzaldo. “It’s really intense when I hear it. Not in a way where you turn everything up to ten. Things are so bare, you’re holding this one note for so long and you don’t now where it’s going—to me, that’s intensity.” That intensity is apparent on “Exit Fears,” the first full song on the record. It meticulously pairs Justin Davis’ loping bassline, which pulls the track along, with Anzaldo's icy, minimal guitar work. It brings to mind some alternate version of Joy Division that hasn’t quite lost all hope. It gets close to exploding, but instead plays the shadows, never quite rising above a nervous simmer.

“A lot of the content has to do with loss, and specifically the loss of someone who you care deeply about,” Farrar says. “There is no way for you to go through something like this artistically and not have really strong emotions of loss and pain. There’s not really any way to hide that.” Farrar, for his part, is singing with a new kind of intensity, his baritone swooping and retreating from stressed angst to unsettling near-mutter as he sings, “You told your friends you were fine/ you thought you were fine too…” and later, “nothing is ever fine/ nothing ever feels right/ you have to tell yourself you tried.” It’s the first of many lyrically direct moments, and it should be hard to listen to, but Ceremony have so effortlessly nailed the sound of sadness that it feels great to live inside for awhile. The sound is abetted by producer John Reis, who honed his sound in seminal bands like Rocket from the Crypt, Drive Like Jehu, and Hot Snakes. Much of the gravelly aggression he experimented with in those bands is present on The L-Shaped Man.

There's a story behind the title too. “I was speaking to our driver Stephen while on tour,” Farrar says. “We were talking about men in general and what shape they are…their body type. I said, ‘I guess men are in the shape of an L. The torso is straight. Vertical. And then you have the little feet at the end.’ There’s this painter named Leslie Lerner who was living in San Francisco in the ‘70s and ‘80s and made these beautiful paintings. He died on my 21st birthday. A lot of the record is about the similarities in our ideas. In what we’re trying to make. Things that have to do with love and losing love.”


Expressing Criticism So It Can Be Heard

I had an interesting talk with a client the other day. He shared: “When I first met my wife, I really appreciated her telling me what impact my behaviour had on her. I learned, for example, how it affected her when I was late and I worked hard to change my time management skills. However, about a year or two into the relationship, I gave up. Somehow I felt I couldn’t change enough and it felt like I was constantly being watched for a misstep. Each time she pointed something out to me that she had noticed about me, it felt like I was being stabbed in the heart.”

Why does criticism so often feel like we are being stabbed in the heart? Why does it make us feel fearful and defensive? Historically, being criticized and found lacking could lead to being ostracised from our tribe, and that could mean death, as we as humans were unable to survive by ourselves.

Even though a part of us knows criticism does not mean rejection and death, the more instinctive parts of our brain kick in and our nervous system goes into high arousal. Relationships require us to communicate honestly and to handle criticism constructively. If we stuff down our feelings and needs, they will either come back up in passive aggressive ways or will be kept down by methods of avoidance like addictions. In the first case, the person can’t help but make little digs, use sarcasm or putdowns, or worst of all, talk negatively about their partner behind their back. The avoidance methods take many different forms: physical symptoms like tension headaches or fatigue, addictions like drinking, gambling, overworking, having affairs, to name a few.

How does one express a complaint in a way that it can be easily heard and does not feel like being stabbed in the heart? The two main rules of constructive criticism are

  1. Tone of Voice

Your partner is more likely to be able to remain open if you use a soft, gentle, respectful and appreciative tone of voice. You are going to be more successful if you can approach him or her with affection, interest in their intent or experience, positive physical touch, smiles and even humour and laughter.

  1. Appreciations Need to Outbalance the Complaints

Gottman emphasizes the Magic Relationship Ratio of 5:1. That means for each complaint or criticism we need to receive five positive or appreciative statements. Other experts speak about similar ratios.

How do we ensure that ratio and help our partner remain open and continue to feel safe with us instead of watched? Warren Farrell, author of “Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say”, offers two methods of successfully delivering criticism.

The first method is what he calls the “Plan Ahead Method of Giving Criticism”:

Step 1: Write Down Your Complaints

To figure out what the most important concerns are, it helps to write down our complaints on index cards and to put them in a box. The mere act of writing them down releases some of the negative energy. It also frees us from the need to keep reviewing the complaint in our mind. However, most importantly this helps us to sort out which complaints are the ones worth bringing up.

Step 2: Set a Predictable Time Each Week to Share

Gottman recommends a “State of the Union Meeting” every week to talk about what went well and what is not going so well in the relationship. Farrell calls it a “Sharing and Caring Evening”. Once you have set a predictable time each week, stick to it and turn the rest of the week into a “no-complaint zone”.

Step 3: Share at Least 4 Positive Feelings Before Each Complaint

During your meeting share at least four positive feelings with each negative. In order to do that make positive notes throughout the week whenever you appreciate something your partner is doing. An extra incentive is to do the positive notes ahead of time and leave these little notes for your partner as you notice it. That trains our “gratitude muscle” and shifts our focus to noticing the positive.

Step 4: Incorporate Humour and Romance

For your “Sharing and Caring Evening,” turn on music, light candles, face each other, touch and look into each other’s eyes. Share your 4-5 positives and then make one request for improvement or change. Then alternate; let your partner share in kind. Do three to five rounds of this depending on how much you have to share. Because you feel so understood, you might want to make love, but always return to completing the process after love making. Otherwise, the rest of the week as a complaint free zone might disintegrate.

It would be ideal, of course, if we could always just give criticism by using this Plan Ahead Method but sometimes a talk has to happen right in the moment. Farrell also provides steps for “The Spontaneous Method of Giving Criticism”:

Step 1: Identify Your Loved One’s Best Intent

Let’s say your partner is late because they got caught up in solving a problem for work. He lost track of time because he wanted to complete and finish a project. You might feel tempted of diving right into your own disappointment about him being late, or you can instead acknowledge his best intent, e.g. “I know that you are really responsible and I can see how you were trying to do your best to complete the task at work.”

Step 2: Identify Your Partner’s Dilemma or Struggle

Most of us are caught in a dilemma and when our partner can empathize with our inner struggle, we feel heard and understood. In our example, you could say, “I imagine you feel caught between wanting to be on time for me and feeling you need to finish and complete the work.”

Step 3: Identify the Feeling Behind Your Partner’s Dilemma

Empathy with our feeling experience also makes us feel seen and appreciated. “It must be stressful to have in the back of your mind that I am waiting for you.”

Step 4: Identify the positive character traits your partner exhibited in her or his handling of this situation

By doing that we show that their underlying character traits are not in question. They do not need to defend their values. “I imagine it is also hard to leave a project unfinished when you value responsibility and reliability as you do. I am always grateful when I can rely on you completing a project for me.”

Step 5: Recall relevant past conversations and use them to make your partner feel more understood

Instead of using past incidents to argue your own point and for ammunition against the other person, empathize even more. The rule for love relationships is, the more arguments we win, the more love we lose. “I remember how torn you were when your colleague left on vacation and you had to finish the project you were both working on over the weekend. He is really lucky you did that.”

After using the five steps, your partner feels understood and appreciated. They are still open and receptive. Instead of having to defend their values and choices, they can take a step towards you to resolve the problem together. Now it is time to gently share the impact the situation has on you and to work out a compromise which works for both of you.

Farrell points out that learning relationship language is the best hope of re-stabilizing our relationships and families which technology has destabilized and affected negatively. When we teach debate skills in schools, we teach listening for the purpose of uncovering the other team’s faulty analysis. In our private one-on-one relationships, especially our intimate relationship, this way of listening and arguing is like a termite is to wood. It slowly erodes the relationship. “Teaching children to debate without teaching children to listen is divorce training” (Warren Farrell).

To read more about how to receive criticism,

please read “Getting to the Complaint Underneath the Criticism“.

To learn relationship language and how to handle criticism,

contact me for

individual coaching sessions, couples’ sessions or workshops.

Empathy, the Antidote for Shame

Lina, single mother of three, is in the line up at the grocery store. She feels rushed to buy dinner and get home in time to prepare it. Sarah, her 3-year-old daughter, who she just picked up from a new daycare, is overtired and whiny. She starts grabbing chocolate bars, which are so conveniently placed in her view, and puts them into the cart. Lina, says “no” and places the bars back on the shelf. Sarah continues to reach and struggle to climb out of the cart. She starts crying at the top of her lungs. Lina turns beat red. She is clearly embarrassed about being stuck in the line with a screaming child.

A couple of customers seem to stare at her. She hears a woman’s voice behind her, “When kids are this overtired they belong in bed, not out shopping at the busiest time of the day.” Lina pretends not to have heard the comment. She feels shame for not being able to calm her daughter. In fact, she feels like a complete failure as a mother. She wants to just take her daughter and leave the store without buying the groceries, but that would be really embarrassing, she thinks, and what would they then eat for dinner? She takes deep breaths and continues moving forward in the line up.

When she reaches the cashier, the woman just smiles and gently says, “That’s a tricky age.. I still remember when my kids were that young…”. Lina smiles back relieved. “It’s not easy, is it?” says the cashier and pulls out a lolly pop. “May I give this to the princess…?”

Lina feels like a weight is lifting. She feels validated, seen and understood. Instead of being judged, she is acknowledged as doing her best. What she is experiencing is empathy.

In her research, Brené Brown has collected different definitions of how we experience empathy. Receiving empathy is “feeling emotional and physical warmth”, “feeling understood”, “feeling wrapped up in a blanket”, “feeling validated”, “feeling you are not alone because somebody else gets you” and “feeling somebody hears you or feels you”.

In her shame, Lina felt alone and unworthy as a mother. When the cashier extended empathy to her, the messages was, “You are not alone. We are alike and connected. I get your struggles. I am as human as you are.”

We feel completely alone when we are in shame. We might feel like we are the only one who experiences fertility struggles, or the only one who feels they are not a good parent, or the only one who feels not thin or attractive enough, or the only person who has an addiction, or the only one who was cheated on, or the only one who was physically, emotionally or sexually abused, or the only one who hasn’t found her/his perfect partner and so on.

There also is a difference between embarrassment and shame. We experience embarrassment in regards to a behaviour of ours. We feel embarrassed when we have perhaps said something we shouldn’t have said, or when we have done something that we view as a mistake, or when somebody points out something we are self-conscious of. Embarrassment is fleeting, and we know we are not the only one who has that experience.

I have been a coach for 14 years and have always scheduled my own appointments. It has happened throughout the years, that I have “dropped the ball” and double booked or thought I didn’t have an appointment when I did. Now, each of those incidents have caused me a fair amount of embarrassment. I had to claim responsibility, apologize and hope that the other person would still want to re-book. In most cases, the incident was forgiven. Because I deep down know and believe that I am, overall, a reliable and organized person, there was no shame attached to making these mistakes for me. However, they certainly were embarrassing.

Like all of us, I have also had moments of shame in my life, whether that was in regards to having an alcoholic family member, around my fertility struggles in my twenties, about weight gain at different points in my life, or in regards to marriage struggles or relationships ending. Most of these moments of shame had nothing to do with a specific behaviour of mine but all to do with feeling judged and feeling not good enough in some way.

We all know shame, even though some people have more shame to carry due to their personal history, but, as Brené Brown points out, “to have the capacity for shame is to be human”. Feeling shame is a common human experience, yet, shame—unlike guilt—does not serve us. Feeling guilty allows us to make amends for a behaviour and gives us a chance to become a better person. However, when somebody shames us, or when we shame ourselves, we are being defined by the worst mistakes we have ever made or the worst situations that ever happened to us. It feels like there is no way out of the shameful role we have played. The label sticks, whether that is “infertile”, “disappointment”, “unemployed”, “bad mother / father / wife / husband / daughter / son”,  “jealous girlfriend / boyfriend”, “financial failure”, “unwanted child”, “weak”, “angry”, “controlling”, “victim of abuse”…  A shame label always takes away our power to grow, to leave the past behind, and to show up differently.

According to Brené Brown, experiencing shame is “like being trapped in a deep and dark hole”, unable to see and feel that we can be a better version of who we are in a given moment in time. Shame means feeling disconnected and unworthy of “being a part of”. As humans, we are evolutionary hard wired for connection, and our fear of disconnection, of being excluded from our community, will always be present. We cannot get rid of shame or be completely shame resistant because we need the connection with others, but we can develop a certain shame resilience.

Shame resilience allows us to move through a shaming experiencing without twisting and shaping ourselves into sacrificing who we are. That means proudly being who we are “without performing, pleasing, perfecting or improving” (Brené Brown). Shame resilience happens when we move “from shame to empathy, from fear to courage, from blame to compassion, and from disconnection to connection” (Brené Brown).

Shame is a highly individualized experience. It is very personal. What is simply embarrassing for you, might bring up intense shame for somebody else due to their own history, and vise versa. When we are with another person who is experiencing shame, we have to be very careful not to project our own ideas of whether something is shaming or not onto them. Minimizing their experience does not help them, but rather increases the shame. When we minimize, the message we are articulating is, “you should not feel shame”. The other person ends up feeling ashamed that they are experiencing shame.

The only antidotes to shame are love, compassion and empathy. Shame hates being spoken. Shames grows and thrives through secrecy, silence and judgment. However, if we bring empathy to a situation which evokes shame, shame cannot survive.

Empathy, according to Theresa Wiseman, has four parts:

  1. We need to be able to take another person’s perspective and to see the world as the other person sees it.
  2. We need to be truly non-judgmental.
  3. We need to be able to understand what the other person is feeling.
  4. We need to be able to communicate our understanding of the other person’s feelings.

There is a difference between sympathy and empathy. Sympathy says, “poor you. I feel for you. I am not having your experience, but I feel sorry for you.” Sympathy exacerbates shame. Empathy, on the other hand, is like saying, “I feel with you.” The two most powerful words to heal shame are an empathetic, “me too”.

You might wonder, how you can have empathy with somebody who has had an experience you have never had? We don’t need to have gone through the exact same situation to know what it feels like. Empathy is not about connecting to a specific experience, but about connecting to the emotions an experience elicits.

Having had the same experience that somebody else has had can sometimes even get in the way of empathy. We are individuals and our experiences are very different. Instead of assuming that the other person feels the way we felt in that situation, we can be curious about what the other person is going through and we can offer to be with them in that experience.

If you are curious about finding out more about working with embarrassment and shame, contact me for a free phone consultation. I offer sessions for individuals and couples.

The Stress Reducing Conversation

What happens when you are stressed or upset about something outside of your relationship and you turn to your partner to share? Is he or she able to relieve stress for you and be a true source of support? Or do you often feel even more alone after trying to vent and share?

Many couples seem to struggle with the difference between being supportive and helpful, and trying to “fix” things for each other. When our partner presents a problem to us, we often end up trying to fix it or solve it. We try to come up with advice or a solution. This approach on its own is as if we are saying, “You are not smart enough to solve this problem yourself, so let me do this for you.” We skip important steps by doing this.

Stress Reducing Conversation 1

The “Masters of Relationships”, as Drs John and Julie Gottman call couples who are successful at communicating and connecting, have a different approach when stress occurs in their partner’s life. Here are four steps to follow in the footsteps of the “Masters”.

  1. Ask Questions

First, you listen well and you show interest by asking your partner questions that allow you to get a better understanding what your partner’s subjective experience is.  For example, “how are you feeling about that?” or “what worries you most?” You are trying to understand WHAT your partner is feeling.

  1. Empathize With our Partner’s Feelings

Your second step is to empathize with your partner. Empathy sounds, for example, like this: “I can see why you feel upset / worried about that”, or “No wonder you are pretty angry”, or “It sounds like you had a really challenging day”. You are just making a statement about HOW your partner feels.

  1. Don’t side with the “enemy”

You always take your partner’s side in the matter. The goal of a stress reducing conversation is to help your partner feel less alone with what is stressing them out. One of the worst things to feel when you are stressed is that you are all by yourself. Even if you agree with the criticism or response your partner was experiencing from another, this is not the time to side with the other person. Postpone problem solving and refrain from pointing out that you agree with their opponent. Instead, just empathize with how your partner feels. That way you stay honest about your own thoughts, but at the same time you can show your partner support. You can be their ally and best friend and help relieve their stress by allowing them to share.

Stress Reducing Conversation 2.jpg

  1. Don’t problem solve for your partner

Before you offer solutions, ask your partner what their thoughts are in regards to shifting a situation or solving a problem. Trust your partner to have good insights and some ideas on what to do. If your partner asks you for your perspective or for solutions, you can offer to solve the problem together. Fixing is not helping, neither your partner, nor your relationship.

Relationship Coaching and Belief Changes

In a Relationship With a Narcissist – PART TWO: What Are My Options?

(Narcissists are male or female. Please note that I have mostly used the pronouns “he” and “she” interchangeably to avoid the awkward “he or she”)

I have never had as many private messages as I did after posting part one of this blog series. Several people approached me who had not considered until they read the article that they had a narcissist in their family or were dating a narcissist. They have been wondering why it is always about the other person; they were looking for reasons with themselves, trying harder and harder to keep the peace and make the narcissist happy.

The narcissist treats others in a demeaning way, attacks verbally and has little or no respect for other people’s feelings or boundaries. For the other family members watching this from the outside, it can be hard to understand why someone would choose to continue dating or being married to a narcissist.

Let’s examine the options you have when you are indeed in a relationship with a narcissist. If the narcissist is a danger to your or your children’s safety, find professional help and get out. If his or her behaviour is destructive and toxic, yet doesn’t fall under physical or sexual abuse, you have different options. Lots of the books on the topic of narcissism simply recommend to “run, run, run and don’t look back”. If the narcissist is a friend, I agree that it is perhaps time to re-evaluate the friendship and its benefits versus its drama and emotional stress and let go of a narcissistic friend. However, in other cases, this advice might not be realistic or not that easy to follow. What if the narcissist is your boss and you don’t want to quit your job? Or the narcissist is one of your in-laws, or your own daughter or son, or your spouse, and you are not ready to divorce that partner or break the ties with that family member?

Don’t get me wrong; even in those cases you always have the option of “no contact” if the situation becomes too toxic. It might be worth finding a new job or not having any contact with the narcissistic family member. If you choose to go the “no contact” route with a family member, be prepared for a battle. Narcissists hate nothing more than to be ignored. They are energy vampires. They thrive on intimidating, controlling and manipulating others. Not to get a response out of others is the worst thing for them. They are afraid to be “invisible”. They don’t care when they hurt others, they care only about their narcissistic supply and any response from others will do.

No contact cropped

Once you decide to go “no contact”, the hoovering begins: the narcissist will try to charm, manipulate or bully his way back into your life. Why do we fall for narcissists in the first place? Because they are very good at this strategic game of manipulation and they convince us that they are “not bad people” after all, just victims of the circumstances. If you are choosing the route to cut all ties, you need to be strong and consistent. The no contact option is a marathon, not a sprint.

Narcissists are often very charming and charismatic—until their mask slips for the first time and reveal their immaturity. A narcissistic personality can make you feel like you are the chosen one and that you must be special. “In return, you’re expected to hold the spotlight steadily upon him, nod affirmatively during his orations, laugh on cue, never appear to be bored, applaud loudly and frequently, and never, ever expect to join him on the stage” (Behary, Disarming the Narcissist).

Narcissists constantly project unwanted parts of themselves onto other people. You will be accused of being controlling, manipulative, selfish, arrogant, entitled, hurtful, untruthful, angry, distrustful, opinionated, unempathatic and so on. The mirror principle is at play. The narcissist points one finger at you while being completely unaware that three fingers point back at him. And unlike the narcissist, you might be more self-critical and wonder whether he is partially right. Remember that this is all part of the smoke tactic to distract from his insecurities and issues. Projection is the name of the game.

You do not need the narcissist to agree that she is projecting. You need to understand how shadows operate and how your buttons are being pushed. “It needs to be enough for you to know that you have put the projections back where they belong in your own mind, regardless of how the Narcissist sees the situation” (Sandy Hotchkiss, Why is it Always About You?) Do not get into a right and wrong discussion. Do not invest any energy in wanting the narcissist to understand and admit her issues. You do not need anything from her; you just need to be clear in your own mind who you are and that you love and accept yourself the way you are.

arguing with a narcisist

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be addictive, confusing and utterly devastating, especially when we expect the narcissist to think and act like most people. We have to remember that due to their childhood experiences they have a personality disorder. They do not have the same perception and do not play by the same rules as most adults.

The diagnostic manual of the American Psychiatric Association defines a personality disorder as a pattern which manifests in two or more of the following areas:

  1. Ways of perceiving and interpreting self, other people, and events.
  2. Range, intensity, lability, and appropriateness of emotional response.
  3. Interpersonal functioning.
  4. Impulse control.

The narcissist sees the world differently than other people. Empathy comes with maturity, except in the case of a personality disorder like NPD. To the narcissist, other people are there to supply their needs. Their idea of fair is that they get what they want when they want it. It completely escapes them that other people have the right to say “no” or deny them something.

Their emotional responses of anger are unpredictable, intense and completely out of proportion. These responses resemble the temper tantrums of a two year old. After the narcissistic rage follows a period of the narcissist pretending nothing ever happened. The narcissist does not apologize or take responsibility. They almost make us doubt that something inappropriate occurred. They explain and defend. Their immature explosion of rage is always due to other people or circumstances. They see themselves as victims of fate and of other people.

If you decide to go with “minimal contact”—or “contact” in the case of actually living with a narcissist—you need to learn how your own childhood issues tie in with the narcissist’s issues and how to navigate the relationship. A good book which describes our childhood schemes and how they are related to attracting a narcissistic partner is “Disarming the Narcissist” by Wendy T. Behary.

In order to change the interactions with the narcissist in your life, it is extremely helpful to examine and change the beliefs you have learned about yourself and other people, for example, do you truly subconsciously believe you deserve respect and boundaries? What other limiting beliefs have you learned which hold you back from refusing unhealthy interactions with the narcissist?

Shadows also play a big role in the relationships with a narcissist. Have you for example disowned your own anger or sense of entitlement to a point where you are not able to be assertive and stand up for yourself and advocate for your rights and needs? What if you were able to respond differently to the aggression the narcissist has no trouble stepping into?

When we feel threatened, our survival instincts are triggered and the fight, flight or freeze response sets in. That is what the narcissist counts on. The narcissistic energy vampire thrives on aggression and intimidation. In order to have an effective communication you need to work on modifying your own instinctive responses.

If you typical response is to fight back, curb that impulse. Instead, calmly stand up for yourself without counter attacking. If your usual response is avoidance (flight), give yourself the gift of a “time-out” and distance from the upsetting exchange but remember that in order to resolve a conflict, you need to eventually return. If you tend to freeze or surrender, remember that the situation is not helped by taking all the blame. A bully cannot be pacified by submission; it only causes more abuse.

The narcissist typically is a show-off, a bully or the “entitled one”. Of the three, the show-off is easiest to deal with. He feels not good enough and therefore tries to dazzle and impress with his achievements or possessions. Focus on affirming his moments of thoughtful kindness instead of the outstanding accomplishments he wants you to admire. Let him know that you interested in him, not in what he does or has.

The bully has a great mistrust of people and their motives. She is afraid that others will try to control her, make a fool out of her, or take advantage of her in some way. She fears that nobody truly cares about her. Her unacceptable behaviour stems from a deep sense of shame and inadequacy. Her protective mechanism is to criticize and control others. When others feel small and powerless, she feels strong and secure. Whether the other person responds with anger (fight) or with fear (flight, freeze), she wins. The only place to defeat a bully is to stay in contact with the advanced part of your brain that is able to think clearly and rationally. Respond from that rational part.

NPD Lucy

When dealing with the entitled one, remember that he makes up his own set of rules and feels he should be able to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. He takes but seldom gives. He has issues being on the receiving end of the word “no”. He has no interest in understanding the other person’s opinions, feelings, needs or boundaries. Calmly hold him accountable and consistently set and re-set those limits and boundaries.

Behay points out that in order to shift the relationship with the narcissist, “you need more than an intellectual literacy in his issues and life story; you also need an emotional literacy in his inner world. In other words, you need to feel what his experience of the world is like.” (Disarming the Narcissist) This is what is known as empathy.

“Empathy is a capacity to truly understand the experience of another, emotionally, mentally, and sometimes even physically. It doesn’t mean that you necessarily agree with, condone, or support the other person’s feelings and behaviour, simply that you understand it in a ‘felt” way.” (Disarming the Narcissist)

Having empathy does not mean you continue to allow the narcissist to bully you and others, but that you understand that a key aspect of narcissism is attempting to feel visible and that—like with young children—it is better to receive negative attention than no attention. Empathy allows you to stand your ground without taking things personally and to hold the narcissist accountable for her own actions, without anger, defensiveness or submissiveness.

For the narcissist to learn empathy himself, professional help from an expert in the field of NPD is necessary. Unfortunately, the narcissist does not see that he needs to change. Unless he is afraid to lose something of importance, like the relationship, he rarely agrees to therapy.

Independent of the lack of empathy of the narcissist, you can still be empathetic—while making sure your own needs are met. When the narcissist flips into one of his or her narcisstic rages, superimpose the image of him or her as a lonely and unloved little child over the grown-up in front of you. Being able to see his deep shame, loneliness and emotional emptiness will help you to respond calmly when you do not allow him to get away with being hurtful, condescending, selfish, controlling and destructive.

In your communications with the narcissist, make sure you differentiate between fault and responsibility. Fault and blame put us in a place of defensiveness. Make sure nobody is to blame but everybody is responsible for the effects or consequences of their words and behaviour. Respons-ibility is the ability to respond and create different outcomes.

Blame vs Responsibility

Always be aware of and set limits and boundaries in the relationship with the narcissist. In order to do that you need to, be very clear in your own mind about what you are willing to accept and what is unacceptable and needs to change. Provide positive feedback when the narcissist is behaving in a more mature way. And last but not least, lovingly speak your truth. In order for the narcissist to feel connected in relationships, she must learn what she never learned as a child, that she is lovable for who she is.

 NPD Lucy 2

Relationship Coaching, Belief Changes and Shadow Work

Are You an HSP?

I went into a busy mall a few days ago and within three minutes I was reminded why I do not do that—ever. The loud noises, the busy movements, the bright lights, all the sensory in-put from too many people vibrating at different levels of energy, many of them excited and emotional, immediately had me going into “fight or flight mode”.

When I was young I was told on a regular basis and in a reproachful voice, “Sei doch nicht so überempfindlich!” which translates into “Don’t be so hyper-sensitive”. This was usually said with the expectation that I should be able to just flick a switch and turn my sensory perception off. I used to feel something was wrong with me, being “too sensitive”. After all, those comments carried the suggestion with them that I must surely be over-exaggerating or being unnecessarily dramatic about people’s energy or my surroundings.

HSP crowd

Today, I know that around 15-20% of the population are HSPs, or Highly Sensitive People. “What seems ordinary to others, like loud music or crowds, can be highly stimulating and thus stressful for HSPs. Most people ignore sirens, glaring lights, strange odors, clutter and chaos. HSPs are disturbed by them. Most people’s feet may be tired at the end of a day in a mall or museum, but they’re ready for more when you suggest an evening party. HSPs need solitude after such a day. They feel jangled, overaroused. Most people walk into a room and perhaps notice the furniture, the people—that’s about it. HSPs can be instantly aware, whether they wish to be or not, of the mood, the friendship and enmities, the freshness or staleness of the air, the personality of the one who arranged the flowers.” (Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person)

When I end up in the theatre next to somebody who noticeably wears a perfume, my daughters will automatically volunteer to switch seats with me, knowing that strong smells completely overwhelm me. At other times, they will lovingly make fun of me because I am always the first one who goes, “What is that smell?”, when nobody else can detect it, yet. I am also the loving family joke because I make a point of avoiding violent movies and TV shows. My family remembers the times when I had to leave the movie theatre for a while during a scene which for most people would qualify as a “regular amount of violence”. The movies are particularly challenging because they come at me with well placed sounds, the intense emotions of the characters and light effects. That usually is too much stimulation for my nervous system.

Some people like parties and loud music. It gives them energy. Loud music and a lot of other noises literally make me feel like I am being attacked. A social gathering of two hours stretches like an eternity for me. The other day we were at a busy restaurant for three hours with wonderful friends of ours. We had a lot of fun, talking and laughing. I enjoyed myself immensely. Yet, in order to tune into only their words and energy I had to tune out everything around me which requires a lot of concentration. After such a gathering, I feel completely drained and desperately need to have quiet around me, preferably even be completely alone for a while.

“Our trait of sensitivity means we will also be cautious, inward, needing extra time alone. Because people without that trait (the majority) do not understand that, they see us as timid, shy, weak, or that greatest sin of all, unsociable. Fearing these labels, we try to be like others. But that leads to our becoming overaroused and distressed.” (Elaine N. Aron)

Up to the age of 14, I had been attending a small school in Africa. When I returned with my parents to Germany, I was put into a big high school with approximately 800 students. Being in that school everyday completely overwhelmed me. It was like going into a battle field every day, sorting out all the different stimulations and emotions of everybody. The suppressed unhappiness, hostility, anger or aggression of many students and teachers were hard to take. My dad was sure I would get used to the big school. After all, what was the big deal? My mom knew better. When the first opportunity arose for me to switch schools and attend a high school further away with only 300 students and a very different, more personal and supportive atmosphere, she advocated for the change. She didn’t know about HSPs. But she had enough empathy to understand that I would need a more predictable and manageable size of an environment to do well. And she was right.

Elaine N. Aron uses the acronym “DOES” to describe what a Highly Sensitive Person is like. D stands for “Depth of Processing”. HSPs often have a strong (yet not infallible) intuition. When an HSP is asked to make a decision consciously they are often slower than others because they think over all option carefully. O is for “Overstimulation”. If a “situation is complicated (many things to remember), intense (noisy, cluttered etc.), or goes on too long (a two-hour commute)” overstimulation is experienced. E is for giving emphasis to our Emotional reactions and having strong “Empathy” with others. S is for being “Sensitive” to all the subtleties around us, for example the non-verbal clues or sometimes even having what is described as a “sixth sense”.

In my field, there is an unusual high number of HSPs. At a meeting of practitioners earlier this year, we were going around the room to share how we all got to be in the alternative field. There were four women sitting right next to each other who all described a very similar story. As children they were all told that they were “too sensitive” and that their intuitive perceptions where not valid. For a while most of them suppressed their sensitivity and strong intuition trying to be like everybody else. Each of them, however, realized at one point that being different has it’s challenges but also is a precious gift. The gift is to be able to tune into other people and to feel them and what is really going on with them energetically. Some of us see energy, others can feel other people’s pain and emotions in their own bodies, some just know things and are intuitively guided while they facilitate a session.

If you suspect you are an HSP, remember that you are not crazy or flawed. Being outgoing, tough, stoic and always searching for entertainment, is only the ideal in our culture. “In China ‘shy’ and ‘sensitive’ children were among those most chosen by others to be friends or playmates. (In Mandarin, the word for shy or quiet means good or well-behaved; sensitive can be translated as ‘having understanding,’ a term of praise.) In Canada, shy and sensitive children were among the least chosen.” (Elaine N. Aron) However, not all HSPs are introverts. According to Aron’s research about 30% of all HSPs are in fact extroverts.

Not all HSPs are the same. Some HSPs are affected more by other people’s moods, others more by sensory in-put, some are easily moved by emotions, arts or music, others are easily rattled by having a lot to do in a short amount of time and feel annoyed when people try to get them to do too many things at once. Some HSPs cry easily, when they are happy or when they are sad, others really struggle with making a conscious choice or decision. Most HSPs crave deep relationships, and feel unhappy without meaningful interactions. Not all characteristics apply to all HSPs in the same way.

Whether just a few or many characteristics of the HSP definition applies to you, you can learn to accept yourself the way you are and thrive in the world. You can learn to protect your energy when you are around others. You can train yourself to be more outgoing and social, as long as you meet your need for quiet time to recharge. You can change your limiting beliefs around your abilities and embrace them as a gift. You can learn to express what it’s like to experience the world in the way you do and take care of yourself.

Contact Angelika for Life Coaching


The Hero Archetype in Hollywood Movies

An orphaned boy was raised by his foster parents. One day, a tragic incident killed the kind couple that had taken care of him. The grieving young man embarked on a journey to fight evil. He was then trained by a special teacher that taught him spiritual values. The young man was ready to face the evil overlord, only to found out that his enemy was none other than his own biological father. Sounds familiar? Of course.

Finding patterns in Hollywood movies are not hard. Like myths, tales, and folklore, movies often repeat the same basic storyline over and over. The basic pattern of the character’s story, personality, or behavior has psychological explanations.

Carl Gustav Jung (1875 – 1961) advanced the concept of psychological archetypes. Archetype is an original model of a person, ideal example, or a prototype upon which others are copied, patterned, or emulated. Archetype served as a symbol that everyone can recognize. Some archetypes often appeared in stories, such as, The Child archetype, The Hero, The Great Mother, The Wise Old Man/Woman, The Trickster, The Devil, The Scarecrow, and The Mentor. Archetype as a model of person, personality, or behavior is easy to spot in Hollywood movies. In example, The Hero Archetype.


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Hold Fast To What Is Good

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Hold Fast To What Is Good:

Understanding the characteristics of the cult identity and how they differ from the characteristics of their authentic self is a critical part of healing. Having been manipulated for years into forming opinions and beliefs that lean strongly towards the agenda of the central figure, it is difficult to separate forced convictions from those that would have naturally formed. Those who awaken must be careful not to reject everything the cult promoted simply because they formed their opinions during captivity.

As cult members conform to the central figure's agenda while suppressing their own critical thought, they develop a new identity strongly in favor of cult opinion. Some aspects of cult opinion are favorable, while others are unfavorable. Having accepted the central figure as an authority on scripture, doctrine, opinion and more, cult members are gradually persuaded to accept unfavorable opinion as positive -- simply because the central figure supported that opinion. Without undue influence, many of those same opinions would have been rejected.

The opinions formed within the cult identity contain what feels like both simple and complex constructs. Those that seem simple feel so only because the cult member did not fight to accept them. They were opinions that came from the heart. Those that seem complex feel so because the cult member struggled to accept them, internally trying to reconcile being influenced into opinions or beliefs they normally would have disagreed with. They were opinions forced against their will.

Though it may feel more comfortable to reject all convictions contained within the cult identity in the short term, it is far more painful in the long run. Those opinions that came naturally will continue to form, only to be rejected and suppressed. Former members who reject everything find themselves inventing complex reasons why they cannot accept real convictions because their rejection did not come from the heart.


Elder Sign

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It is 1926, and the museum's extensive collection of exotic curios and occult artifacts poses a threat to the barriers between our world and the elder evils lurking between dimensions. Gates to the beyond begin to leak open, and terrifying creatures of increasing strength steal through them. Animals, the mad, and those of more susceptible minds are driven to desperation by the supernatural forces the portals unleash. Only a handful of investigators race against time to locate the eldritch symbols necessary to seal the portals forever. Only they can stop the Ancient One beyond from finding its way to Earth and reducing humanity to cinders.

Bar code: 9781616611354

Publisher: Fantasy Flight


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Quality Assurance

Success with the 2018 Tech Hiring Market

Success with the 2018 Tech Hiring Market

Organizations have been rapidly modernizing their legacy application and platforms. To be responsive to these demands, technical role hiring has accelerated. Human Resource teams are becoming overwhelmed with the task of attracting top tech talent in a labor market where the statistics are demonstrating zero effective tech unemployment and high candidate demand.

The Open Source Roadmap

In 2018, the React Native team focused on large scale re-architecture of React Native. They are planning to better support the thriving population of React Native users and collaborators. It's  time to share details about what has been worked on.

The vision for React Native is:

React Native Open Source: March 2019 Update

TheReact Native Open Source roadmap was announced in Q4 2018 after they decided to invest more in the React Native open source community.

For the first milestone, they focused on identifying and improving the most visible aspects of the community. The goals were to reduce outstanding pull requests, reduce the project's surface area, identify leading user problems, and establish guidelines for community management.

In the past two months, they made more progress than  expected. Read on for more details:

Pull Requests


Do young people really know what to do if they are being bullied?

We all have a responsibility to help both the child that is being bullied and the bully.  How the school responds is key, and can make such a difference to all parties that are involved.  I hear so many stories from both parents and Schools where children could have been supported in a better way.  Just because your member of staff has read KCSIE or the Anti Bullying Policy, it doesn’t mean they have understood or even know how to deal with it.  This subject is too complex for just a tick in the box.

Only the other day I was speaking with a school concerning a vulnerable child and the Safeguarding Lead’s response was “We have 500 children to deal with in the school and cannot focus on one child”.  Wrong Answer??   You can imagine my response.  Don’t get me wrong, there are some amazing schools that are so on top of this topic.  Only yesterday, I was with the Head of Education for 15 Schools and it was so refreshing to listen to how sensitively they deal with issues across the board, not just bullying, but grooming and sexting too.

According to research from UKIE, 64% of 12-13 year olds didn’t know who to talk to about being bullied.  I know from my own personal experience that I never told my Mum that I was being bullied at school; it went on for 3 years.   Could we be doing more and do we have the right mechanisms in place to respond?  Just make sure that the way you respond to incidents is the same as your anti-bullying policy.  I am sure your school has it covered and that your policies are in place but most importantly we need to support both students.  Sometimes we focus so much on the person that is being bullied but fail to also consider the bully and why they are behaving that way.  What’s going on in their life? What’s going on at home? Is their bullying a sign of inadequacy masquerading as strength?  Are they being bullied themselves?  Are they seeking to impress their peer group by bullying a weaker student?  Can we change the attitude of their peers to remove the incentive for bullying?  I know there is no easy fix, but maybe if we focused on the cause, (why the bully bullies) and the wider peer group, as well as supporting the victim, we might have a bigger impact.

Stella James

Sadly, terrorism is rarely out of the news.

The horrific attack in Christchurch is a stark and tragic reminder of the worldwide threat of terrorism and the increasing danger of extreme right wing violence.  I attended a vigil outside Leicester’s largest mosque, Masjid Umar, in the wake of the atrocity and whilst the solidarity and sympathy expressed by people from all faiths and backgrounds was humbling, it was clear that even though Christchurch is on the other side of the world, the horror and sense of loss has been keenly felt by local communities here in the UK.

Sadly, terrorism is rarely out of the news.  The Joint Terrorism Analysis Centre (JTAC) assesses that the current threat in the UK is “severe,” meaning that a terrorist attack is “highly likely.”  Numerous terrorist plots have been thwarted in recent years.   And whilst around 80% of the 700 live terrorist investigations taking place right now relate to Islamist-inspired violence, other forms of extremism are growing, as evidenced by a 36% spike in radical right-related referrals to Prevent, the safeguarding duty that protects vulnerable individuals from radicalisation.

Against this backdrop it is incumbent upon us to do what we can to safeguard our children and young people from extremism.  We may live in one of the safest countries in the world and it may seem that terrorism is a distant threat, far removed from our schools, but we cannot be complacent, and it is helpful to consider an attitude of “it can happen here.”  I say this because we needn’t look far to find chilling examples of how our youngest and most vulnerable can be at risk.

Consider the extremist who attempted to create a “child army” of terrorists by attempting to groom over one hundred children aged between 11 and 14.  Or the pharmacist sentenced to prison for showing ISIS/Daesh beheading videos to children of primary school age.  The UK’s Counter Extremism Commissioner notes that many young children are spouting far-right, racist, xenophobic points of view, often coming from their parents.

As a practitioner who has worked in Prevent since 2013, I have personally dealt with many cases of young people who were at risk of extremism and who received support and intervention that guided them to safety.  I recall a 15 year old who threatened violence and spoke openly about his racist views, stating that white people were a 100% pure master race, and that a race war was on the horizon.  I worked with a teenager who stated that he felt obliged to travel to Syria and fight because it was his religious duty.  He said that one of the killers of Fusillier Lee Rigby in Woolwich was his “brother in Islam.”

What would you do if you heard those views within your setting?

Since 2015 schools and childcare providers have had a legal duty to have due regard to the need to prevent people from being drawn into extremism.  But I passionately believe that we also have a moral duty to protect our children.  That is why I have helped to create a Prevent CPD with Gooseberry Planet.  Based on my practical experience and expertise we have developed an accessible programme that will empower education professionals with the confidence and knowledge to approach radicalisation and extremism in an effective and responsible way.

The education sector is the biggest source of referrals to Prevent and there is widespread acceptance that it should be understood as part of wider safeguarding responsibilities.  It is vital that we all play out part in keeping our children and communities safe.

Copyright in education

When I first thought of putting together a Copyright webinar and training material for our Gooseberry Gurus, I was under the impression that I would struggle to talk for 30 minutes.  I even contemplated adding information about Fake News to try and pad things out.  All I can say is that I had no idea how complex the copyright laws were!

I then started to ask my son about his awareness of the legal aspects of using songs on YouTube videos.  He had no idea, and I don’t think that he is any different from most children.  It seems to me that it is important that we educate children about this, both so that they appreciate the reason these laws exist and so that they don’t fall foul of the law.    My son is a keen scooter rider and his whole group love to create videos of their days out at skate parks.  He was pleased to know that he owns the copyright in any videos that he creates and that he could potentially stop other people using them.  Understanding that the law can benefit him gives him an understanding of why the law is there to protect others, especially professional singers, film makers etc who spend significant sums creating entertainment for us, protected by the ability to reap the financial reward.  Piracy is quite a big problem for them and there are serious penalties for those who break the law.

Most young people are either watching or creating content on service providers such as YouTube.  I suspect quite a lot of them unwittingly breach the copyright laws and get caught out by the ‘Content ID’ software which scans uploaded content against a database of files in order to identify copyright material.  If identified, the copyright owner is notified and can choose whether to Block, monetise or track the upload.  If a user is regularly breaching copyright it could affect their reputation and potentially lead to prosecution.

There is an opportunity for schools to use video production as part of lessons.  Look at our Gooseberry Alert suggestion that children research an aspect of copyright law and produce a video about it.  Why not encourage the children to identify their creations with the date and copyright symbol and upload them to YouTube or another platform.

The next issue is, do you and your staff know the laws?  (On the 25th March we have a webinar covering this area and if you are a Gooseberry Guru you get the link to share with your school community.)    Learn about the “fair use” exceptions for private study, research, reporting current events and creating parody.  Learn about the special provisions for educational establishments and how to get permission to use copyright materials.

Copyright is not specifically mentioned in the Computing Curriculum, or in PSHE, but it does come under the UKCISS Framework.  I feel that if a child could potentially get a fine or criminal record for doing something that many young people do, surely, we should be educating them about it.  It also ties neatly into a discussion about plagiarism in school work – perhaps not such a big issue in primary school but a real issue in secondary and at university.


I used a random word generator to help me create the following sentences. Each sentence includes a word from the generator (it’s underlined). They’re unrelated and irrelevant, move a long. 😉

Aislinn collapsed onto the floor.

To have fallen would be a much greater experience.

Her heart had the freedom to, but it depended on her body’s free will as well.

After all, her past had some revealing of its own to do.

What inclined her body to act as though it did, no one knows.

However, the continuation of her thoughts continued to race through her mind.

It was almost as if she were lying on a motorway.

The mandatory meeting would have to wait.

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