Jack posts

Zine making at Rainbow Heron Cafe

January’s Night Café took place on Sunday 28th at the Wellbeing Centre, with people gathering to make zines or chat and play games. Visiting artist/ workshop leader Chella Quint talked us through zine-making- folding up a piece of paper into eighths and cutting a hole in it, then folding the edges through the middle to make a book or magazine shape. It takes a couple of attempts, but looks impressive once it’s done, with six internal pages between the front and back covers.

The idea of the zines is to write down things to remember or tips to help yourself through day to day life; it can be something serious, like six things to be proud of, or ways to look after yourself, or something as light-hearted as six favourite bands, or most satisfying household chores. Pictures are optional.

Although it’s not necessary for anyone apart from the makers to see these handbooks, DIY self-publication is a medium long associated with political resistance and artistic movements; after printing was invented, political and religious figures of the day would use printed pamphlets to spread their ideas. From the 1930s to 1960s, science fiction enthusiasts began to produce fan magazines, later abbreviated to zines, featuring their own original work and later, the riot grrrl movement of the 1990s used them as a means to write about feminist themes. In this context, they are meant as a means to remember good moments, and cope with difficult ones.

Jack posts

Boxing Day Birdwatching – how a day in the fresh air offered a change in the busy festive period.

by Jack Nuttgens

I spent most of Boxing Day on a birdwatching trip at RSPB Fairburn Ings with my dad. It was the perfect follow-up to the house being full of people and excess of food on Christmas Day; it was sunny, we were in the fresh air (though it was quite windy) and we enjoyed a brisk walk among the trees, around the edge of the lake. And, of course, we were lucky enough to see a wide variety of birds.

I won’t spend ages talking about birds, but I enjoy birdwatching (and seeing any kind of animal in the wild) because, amongst other things, they seem to have different personalities; the Northern Shoveller, a duck with a very long bill, looks comically serious; slim, white Little Egrets strut through the mud as though they don’t want to get their feet dirty, and a bright pink male bullfinch eating seeds from a feeder looks flamboyant until it’s chased away by a territorial robin.

The rewarding (and frustrating) thing about birdwatching is that it requires patience. Sitting down in a hide and scanning the surroundings, it can appear at first that there isn’t much to see. But after a while- focusing binoculars or a telescope in on a distant group of birds, or identifying something on an island or post, the diversity of life in the scene becomes clear. Small birds in particular, such as finches and sparrows, will fly away at the slightest noise or movement, but waiting a couple of minutes can show you an impressive range of species. And because many birds migrate, revisiting the same place at different times of year will enable you to see different species. What’s more, birdwatchers are usually friendly and enjoy sharing their knowledge with newcomers, especially if there’s something rare around.

Apart from seeing plenty of wildlife, the day at Fairburn Ings was a chance to get out of the city. Nature reserves are usually planned to attract threatened species by creating habitats, so most of the best ones for spotting creatures are outside of towns and cities, but some are conveniently close. The Yorkshire Wildlife Trust site Potteric Carr, on the outskirts of Doncaster, has an overgrown, industrial feel, with abandoned train tracks running through it. I haven’t found evidence that going to the countryside and being around plants and wildlife is beneficial to mental health in itself, but Mind’s website has articles about the therapeutic effects of gardening (ecotherapy), and I find that being able to go outside, take a walk and reflect is usually a good idea.

Of course, designated nature reserves aren’t the only places that are worth visiting. The benefits of exercising every day, from walking to more challenging sports, are well-documented. So although some of them can be a bit of a trek, nature reserves can be a fun and relaxing place to visit.

Jack posts

Rainbow Heron’s Self Care Cafe

Rainbow Heron Night Café- 26th November

The Rainbow Heron Night Café is a safe space for young people to meet on a Sunday evening. Based at the Wellbeing Centre (formerly/ run by Mind?) on 110 Sharrow Lane, it provides activities designed to promote mental wellbeing and self-care, but the people who attend can use the time as they like. When I arrived, one table was beginning to paint plant pots, while another was making mood and task calendars.

The rainbow theme is prominent throughout the room; on one wall is a long mural/ painting celebrating difference, and even the snacks laid out contain almost every colour of the rainbow.

Around the table, conversations flow pleasantly as people exchange paint colours, brushes and jugs of water. I haven’t picked up a paintbrush since Year Eight or Nine, but found something relaxing about the painting. On our table, some people use masking tape to keep broad strips of the pot free from paint, and make triangular or swirly patterns. Others draw festively themed pots, with penguins in Santa hats, or cartoonish owls and foxes. I draw a tree and some birds, thinking of the Rainbow Heron motif.

At the other table, some people are making Mood Calendars, ruling tiny squares onto bit sheets of card and colour-coding different moods down the side to fill in the days with their feelings. I start on a task calendar, matching the days to tasks that I want to accomplish.

This craft activity, like some others on offer, involves thinking about and recording coping mechanisms. As I see it, Rainbow Heron is a space where everyone can talk about mental health, but nobody has to. The atmosphere is positive; around the table, some people talk frankly about services available, but the conversation also touches on YouTube vloggers and cats. After working on a task calendar for a while, I go back to my pot (now dry), and fill it partway with soil to plant a sprig of lavender in it.

The sessions run from 7 p.m. till 11, but people are welcome to drop in and leave at whatever point they prefer.  The success, as far as I can tell, comes from the relaxed nature; nobody has to take part, and people chat freely, coming and going as they please. I leave at around ten, with my pot, looking forward to the next one.

The Rainbow Heron Night Café is a safe space for young people that aims to promote mental wellbeing. The project takes place once a month at the Wellbeing Centre at 110 Sharrow Lane from 7 p.m. to 11 p.m. For further details, contact us


Date of Conferral

Doctor of Education (Ed.D.)

Donna Graham

Educational policy researchers have concluded that if U.S. schools transition from the traditional model of grading and reporting to a uniform standards-based grading and reporting model, students would benefit academically. However, very few middle and high schools in the United States have made the transition to standards-based grading. This qualitative research study was designed address the role of leadership in change by identifying a set of best leadership practices to guide school principals in leading such a transition. The conceptual framework was Kotter's change model. A national sample of 7 middle and 5 high school principals from 8 states who had previously led their schools in the transition to standards-based grading elected to serve as study participants. This panel completed an open-ended questionnaire designed to identify perceived best leadership practices school leaders should consider as they plan to lead such a change. Using the Delphi technique to determine consensus, a set of 78 best leadership actions were identified. Then, these actions were rated by the same panel, resulting in a set of 8 best leadership change practices consistent with Kotter's framework. Practices included establishing and communicating a sense of urgency, developing a change vision and stakeholder buy-in, building coalitions and broad-based actions, generating short term wins and continuing processes, and incorporating change into school culture. This consensus set of leadership practices might affect positive social change by assisting school principals in planning and leading grading change initiatives in schools to enhance students' learning and improve systems of communicating student academic progress using uniform and consistent standards.


Windows 10 Dica: Como desativar arrastar e soltar

The action of Drag-and-Drop is very useful and handy when managing files through File Explorer but it also could lead to a disaster when you accidentally moved a server application folder on a network drive to a different location, which could be a nightmare to recover. And that’s why in some environment the convenient action is better disabled to avoid such incidents.

Windows 10 doesn’t offer a GUI to let you to simply enable and disable the Drag-and-Drop feature but you can do so through a registry tweak. Graças a Winaero para a ponta.

Open Registry Editor and navigate to the following registry key location:

HKEY_CURRENT_USERControl PanelDesktop

You will find two values on the right panel, DragHeight & DragWidth, which define the distance in pixel you need to Arraste the file in order to fire up the Solta ação, default by 4 pixéis. Em outra palavra, changing both values with an enormous number will prevent the Solta action from happening, which basically disables the Drag-and-Drop action in general.

Entanto, there is a downside if you change both values to a very large number. You will find it’s very hard and difficult to move any windows around on your desktop. Então, choosing a right number is important here. You may need to do a few tests before settling down.

Double-click DragHeigh and DragWidth, type in a larger number of your choice such as 100 e tecle Enter.

RegEdit - Painel de controle - Área de trabalho

Uma vez feito, log off and log back in with the same user account to make the change take effect. Restarting the Explorer process may work as well but if not, try the log-in cycle before giving up.

That’s how you can disable the Drag-and-Drop feature on Windows. It works only on Windows 10 Mas no Windows 7 e Windows 8.1 também. Aproveite.

Deixar uma resposta


Why Hands-Free?

Our goal with Hands-Free Farming is to make autosteering accessible to every farm and farmer. Why? It’s simple, autosteering opens the door to better and more cost-effective ways of farming, everyone benefits. How? We make sure you get everything you need to hands-free farm the way you want for one simple price.

Reduce your input costs & increase your outputs

Reducing your input costs and increasing your outputs is just good farming. Autosteering makes everything you do in your farming operation more efficient, from keeping your wheels between the rows to preventing overlap in tilling, planting, and spraying, to better yields when harvesting.

Maximize your time with less fatigue

Maximizing your time with less fatigue is what hands-free farming is all about. Autosteering helps you get more done faster. In some cases, meaning one machine can do the job of two, further reducing fuel, labor and maintenance costs.

Save $15/acre

Saving you $15 (USD) an acre with autosteering is the payback*. Hand-free farming makes it accessible to every farm and farmer regardless of how big or small your operation is.

*Source: 2010 USDA/Economic Research Service/National Agricultural Statistics Service Agricultural Resource Management Survey [ARMS] of corn producers.


Arrests Books
St. Louis County - Police Department Jail - Missouri

Bella Villa MO Police Jail is a municipal / police jail facility located at 751 Avenue H Bella Villa, MO 63123,and servicing St. Louis. Municipal / Police Jail facilities, often known as city jails or town jails, usually hold pre-trial detainees. They are usually the first place a person is taken post-arrest, if the arrest occurs within the municipality or if the city jail is a designated holding place for nearby municipalities. It is not uncommon for a city jail to be the designated holding facility for nearby municipalities, especially in sparsely populated areas. However, upon arrest people may also be transferred to a county jail facility. Therefore, you may need to contact multiple jails to locate an individual immediately after the individual has been arrested. Bella Villa MO Police Jail's phone number is 314-638-8840 .Friends and family who are attempting to locate a recently detained loved one can use that number to find out if the person is being held at Bella Villa MO Police Jail If you need to send a fax to the facility, you can use their fax number: 314-638-4783 .

If you have a loved one being detained in Bella Villa MO Police Jail, then you need to follow the jail's instructions for inmate phone calls. Bella Villa MO Police Jail's website, can provide additional information about mailing packages to inmates.

Phone Number(s): 314-638-8840
Fax Number: 314-638-4783
Email Address: [email protected]

751 Avenue H Bella Villa, MO 63123


Applying for a scholarship? Check out our scholarship essays database>

Sample cover letter for Full Time position at Right Recruitment

Human Resources Consultant

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to express my interest in working for Right Recruitment as a specialist HR recruitment consultant. I am an HR graduate looking to secure a role in this field and I believe I have many skills that could benefit your organisation.

I am dedicated, hardworking and enthusiastic, with a strong passion for human resources. During my studies, I undertook a range of relevant modules including recruitment and selection and CIPD electives that are considered best practice in shortlisting and interviewing techniques. This would ensure that I could hit the ground running in any role involving such duties.

Additionally, I succeeded in a number of employability modules that developed my communication, presentation and teamwork skills. During the university holidays I worked at Morrisons supermarket where I built many strong relationships and delivered excellent customer service.

These skills also equipped me for my year in industry where I undertook a placement at ASOS Ltd. This was a small but busy HR department where I worked effectively within a team, meeting deadlines and coping with the pressure. I thoroughly enjoyed this experience and have a reference from the HR manager that supports my success in this role (please see the attached document).

Thank you for taking the time to consider this speculative application. I would welcome the opportunity to meet with you and explain more about how I can add value and contribute to the continued success of Right Recruitment. I look forward to hearing from you to arrange a convenient date and time for an interview.

See our template for making your own punchy cover letter


An Independent, Coed Junior Boarding (5-9) and Day School (K-9) in Washington, CT

What is the student enrollment for the 2017-2018 School Year?

Rumsey will enroll 328 students in the 2017-2018 School year. The Lower School (K - IIIrd Form; Grades K-5) enrolled 92 day students. The Upper School (IVth - VIIth Forms; Grades 6-9) enrolled 101 day students and 135 boarding students. The student body is represented by 27 local communities, 15 states, 11 countries and two US territories.

Are there classes on Saturday?

On most Saturdays there are classes. There are three Activity Weekends per term when there are no Saturday classes. Students may take a long weekend on an Activity Weekend leaving at 1pm on Friday (unless the student has an athletic contest) and returning to campus by 7pm that Sunday. Activity Weekend dates are announced prior to the start of each term and can be found on the regular school calendar.

Is there a uniform or a dress code?

Yes, there is a dress code. Please refer to Rumsey’s Student/Parent Handbook or visit the Dress Code page on our website for dress requirements.

Is there internet in the dorms?

Rumsey Hall's wireless network allows for appropriately monitored access to the internet limited to between 6:30am and 9:45pm.

Am I allowed to bring food into my dorm?

A moderate amount of food is allowed in dorms to be stored in a drawer or small container (provided by the student). Food amount limited by dorm parents.

Are students allowed to bring cell phones on campus?

The Rumsey Hall campus does not have cell service. Students may have cell phones for travel purposes.

How should a parent/child handle homesickness?

The main contact between each family and the School is the student’s advisor. If a parent receives a ‘homesick’ phone call, please direct the student to his advisor. As a parent, please contact your child’s advisor to inform them of the homesickness.

Where can my child purchase basic necessities such as toothpaste, deodorant and shampoo?

Rumsey Hall has a School Store that offers the basic necessities. There are opportunities on some weekends to purchase items at area stores.

When will I know who my roomate is?

Roommate assignments are given during Orientation in September.

When will I know who my Advisor is?

Advisor assignments are given during Orientation in September.

Should I bring a laptop?

Most boarding students bring a personal laptop but it is not required. Computer labs and access to laptops is provided to students during the school year. The most common types of computers students bring on campus are Macbooks and Google Chromebooks.


Savanna McDaniel

Harappan Culture

The housing suggests that social divisions in the society were not great. Artifacts such as clay and wooden toys suggest a relatively prosperous society that could to afford to produce nonessential goods.

The Harappans conducted a thriving trade with peoples in the region. Gold and silver came from the north in Afghanistan. Stones from Persia and the Deccan Plateau were crafted for trade. The Indus River provided a great transportation for trade.


Thursday, May 18, 2017

Recipe: How to cook coconut rice with tomatoes and vegetables

Coconut rice cooked with tomatoes and vegetables.
To cook Nigerian coconut rice with tomatoes and vegetables, you need more coconut milk than you would need for plain coconut rice. Adding vegetables and tomatoes enhances the taste and nutrition. Kids love coconut rice with colour. If you are not sure you like coconut rice, try this recipe and see.This is really appetizing, absolutely delicious and easy to cook.

3 cups rice
2 cups vegetable oil
1 large onion
4 large tomatoes
1 teaspoon fresh pepper, you can add more
4 large red bell peppers (Tatashey)
2 seasoning cubes
1 large fresh fish. I used croaker
2 sachets coconut milk powder
Salt to taste
1/2 cup roughly ground crayfish
Chicken stock (Optional)
Water, just
enough to cover the rice in case there's no stock o. You can always adjust if pot starts getting dry before rice is cooked, just add some more water and cover.
1 small bunch green vegetable (Amaranth/ Aleho)

Before you cook this coconut rice

  • Wash the rice and set aside in a strainer or colander
  • Wash and chop the vegetables, pour boiling water over the tomatoes, remove skin and crush,  set aside.
  • Wash and cut the fish, remove all entrails
  • Mix the coconut powder with some water to form a paste and set aside. If you are going to use coconuts. Grate or blend 2 large ones, add warm water and strain out the milk, set aside.

  1. Stir fry the crushed tomatoes, onion and peppers with seasoning until the onion becomes translucent. If you like to remove tomatoes skin before cooking, then just pour boiling water on them, wait a few minutes and peel off the skin with ease. I used frozen tomatoes so, the skin came off effortlessly.
  2. Add the fish, add salt to taste and cover to let the fish cook. Avoid stirring so fish doesn't crumble in the pot. Once it's done, take out the fish and set aside, you'll serve with later with the cooked rice.
  3. Add the coconut milk and stock or water,stir, check for taste, salt and add more if needed.
  4. Add the rice. stir and check again for salt, make sure stock or water covers the rice properly
  5. Sprinkle in the crayfish and cover to boil. Once it starts boiling, turn the heat to low and cook in low heat until done so that pot doesn't dry up too fast.
  6. Check from time to time for doneness and taste. Once rice gets soft, add the green leafy vegetables, turn off the heat and stir to mix very well. Check again for salt. Satisfied?
  7. Serve with the fish you set aside.
Below is the Recipe in pictures...

Some ingredients for my coconut milk

Removing skin off frozen tomatoes

Crushing the tomatoes

 Here I stir fry the vegetables in hot oil until onion changes

Adding fish

Adding salt to taste

Cooked fish is taken out of the pot and set aside for later

Adding coconut milk

Just added washed rice

Adding a little chicken stock

Added roughly ground crayfish

Rice is soft, tasty and ready for green vegetables

Vegetables in the pot

Mix well after turning off the heat, don't worry they'll still cook weell

This coconut rice with crushed tomatoes and vegetables is our recipe to try this weekend.

See Also:
  1. Recipe for Coconut Rice and beans
  2. Recipe for coconut jollof rice
  3. How to cook Party jollof rice with that secret ingredient

  1. Amazing. Thank you poster.

  2. AnonymousMay 18, 2017

    Can I use normal milk if there's no coconut milk?

  3. Aunty eya has landed. Satutday it is.

    1. My fabulous LNC. Thanks sis.

  4. AnonymousJuly 02, 2017

    im new here ,though not married but i love!


How to Un-friend and Still Be Friends

Social media has changed our lives in so many ways, including how we communicate with our friends.  There have been many positive things that have come out of the rise of social media, such as reconnecting with old friends we haven’t seen or spoken to in many years, maintaining ties with people when you’re no longer living in the same area anymore, the ability to quickly connect and communicate with new friends you meet, and even connecting and communicating with people you haven’t met yet.  It’s been a great platform to share information, vocalize your views and opinions, or keep up with new happenings in the lives of people you care about.  However, social media can doubtlessly be problematic too.  With the rise of social media came the rise of cyber-bullying, the spread of fake news, and the virtual version of Un-friending.

In many ways, social media has complicated our friendships and other relationships.  Whereas you used to only have to hear your Uncle Fox ranting about politics once a year at Thanksgiving, now he may be blowing up your newsfeed with fake news every day.  Or worse, your best friend from high school hasn’t grown up much since then and is now engaging in unnecessary mudslinging and stirring up drama online, publicly hashing out her grievances and causing friction and conflict in front of everyone you’ve ever met.  Sometimes it’s easy to know when to un-friend someone online, such as in instances of cyber-bullying or malicious interactions with people you don’t really know that well or care much about.  However, at other times it can be more difficult, because you will still see this person in your real life at least sometimes, or because you actually value your relationship with that person and don’t want to lose them as a friend.

There are a few considerations you can use to determine if you should un-friend someone on your social media pages, and how you can continue to be friends in real life without having to lose a relationship that you value.  Ask yourself a few questions first to find out if you need to restructure your contacts or rethink your online relationships.

1: Do I interact with this person in my real life on a regular basis, or is this someone that I only see sporadically when we happen to be around a mutual acquaintance?

  •  If you don’t have a relationship with a person in your real life, and your interaction with them is mostly online, you don’t really need them bringing negativity into your online social scene.  It’s usually fine to un-friend this person without further ado and not worry about it, because you’re not really going to see them much anyways, and you both will probably benefit from less interaction with each other.  If you do engage with this person in real life regularly, you may choose to use a different feature to reduce their impact on your page.  On many social pages you can mute or hide the person so that you remain “friends” online, but you aren’t subjected to seeing their posts anymore.  Check your platform’s settings to see how you can utilize those tools.

2: Does this person typically make my day better or worse when I see their posts on my page?

  • If someone is constantly posting things that annoy, enrage, offend, or otherwise sour your mood, you most likely don’t need them on your page. See the above reference to determine what the best course of action is in this case.  However, even if you don’t interact in-person with someone on a regular basis, if their posts generally make you happy because they are full of positivity, and you like keeping up with them and seeing what they’re doing, then it’s obviously fine to keep them in your feed.

3:  Do I believe this person actually cares about me and/or my family, or are they someone who wouldn’t be there for me in my real life if I needed some support?

  • Needless to say, if someone is making your day worse by being annoying, offensive, negative, or disrespectful, you probably don’t need them in your online life. However, if regardless of those things, you still value the relationship and believe they value it as well, then a careful approach is necessary.  You still have the option to mute or hide their posts.  If it doesn’t seem to be beneficial to have them on your page at all though, and you still want to preserve the friendship after removing them from your page, you can take steps to ensure the relationship isn’t damaged by the change in status.

If you want to remain friends with someone after un-friending, un-following, or blocking someone on your social media pages, then in person or phone contact is sometimes necessary afterwards.  This doesn’t mean you have to bring up the subject of un-friending them, but actually seeing each other or hearing other’s voices will reassert that the friendship is still valuable and you want to remain friends.  If there has been some kind of a significant conflict that played out in the social media world, particularly if it was public, then you may want to discuss the conflict and hash things out in person before writing the relationship off for good.  The important thing is that you make the effort to engage with the person after un-friending so that you both can recognize that you still care about the relationship.  If you are one who un-friended, it should be you that reaches out first.

There are times when this is unnecessary.   First, they may not have even noticed that you un-friended them.  There’s no point in making a big deal about something if you didn’t often engage in each other’s posts.  They may just think you haven’t been online much lately or didn’t notice that your posts weren’t showing up in their feed.  If they did notice or they bring it up, try not to make personal attacks.  Make a more general point about why you made that decision.  For example, if it was about politics, you can say “Listen, I just made the decision that it was healthier for me to reduce the political chatter on my feed because it was stressing me out”.  Or, if it was about because there was a public spat online, you can say “Look, I value our friendship and I didn’t want to continue to hash out our problems in front of everyone online, so I’d rather us talk things through in person”.

What if you’ve been un-friended by someone else?  First of all, don’t freak out or get offended.  If the relationship is meaningful to both of you in real life, you can still be friends or acquaintances and you don’t have to run in the other direction or escalate a conflict.  All of the above advise still applies, and sometimes the best way to repair a damaged online relationship is to make more of an effort to get together in person and/or via phone and focus on building real interactions instead of virtual ones.  If it wasn’t a very meaningful relationship in the first place, then it’s no loss and everyone can go about their business feeling better about the online friends they do have.  You can still see your uncle at Thanksgiving and seat yourself at the opposite end of the table like you always do.  Don’t let social media ruin important relationships that you value, but keep in mind that you certainly don’t have to allow people or posts on your newsfeed to make your day worse for no identifiable reason.  Now go adjust those settings!

This is Not a Drill

When I was in about 3rd or 4th grade, my classmates and I had all the standard safety drills in elementary school.  Fire drills, tornado drills, and the like.  There was one drill though, that I remember doing only once, which was the active shooter drill.  I don’t know that they called it exactly that at the time, but I do remember that they made all of us kids run zig-zag from the stairs of the school to the playground down the field and into the woods behind the playground, hiding wherever we could.  I remember it being somewhat odd that we had this new drill, and at some point they explained to us that if someone ever came into the school and started shooting, that this is what we were supposed to do.   I grew up in a suburb of Atlanta in a good school district.  Overall it was a great place to grow up, and felt safe most of the time (though not always).  This drill seemed a bit of an outlier, as though the district had heard about shootings in other schools and thought they should be prepared, just in case.  Never mind that the strategy they adopted was totally wrong and unsafe given our current knowledge of active shooter survival.  I’m sure they were doing the best they could back in the 80’s when this kind of danger was relatively new to the public consciousness.  These days, though, an active shooter with an AR-15 and hundreds of little kids zig-zagging across a playground is a recipe for our next national tragedy.

Fast forward to 1999, and I was a senior in high school.  In April of that year, the Columbine shooting rocked the national news.  Prior to that, news of violence in urban school districts was not unheard of, and discussions about guns in schools and how to keep schools and students safe were certainly in the public discourse.  The Columbine shooting was different, however, for many reasons.  The affluent, mostly white suburban school, the arsenal of weapons, the bombs, the depressed, gun-obsessed teenagers who idolized Timothy McVeigh, the suicides.  It was horrifying.  Not long after the shootings, a copycat began calling in bomb threats to my high school.  It was always around the same time of day on the same days of the week.  I was always in art class, which was located across the hallway from the school nursery, where the babies of students and teachers were.  My fellow art students and I would jet across the hallway and grab a baby before running across the street to a community center, where we stayed with the babies until their parents came to pick them up.  Even as I write this now, it sounds totally insane.  I didn’t go to a hard core inner city urban school. It was in a middle class, diverse, low crime town.  The bomb threats continued for weeks, and to my knowledge, they never caught the person.  It became clear pretty soon that whoever was calling the bomb threats in was pulling a prank to get out of a certain class, but in the aftermath of Columbine it seemed impossible to feel truly safe in that context.  Years later, in college and afterwards, when I would tell people about the drills and the bomb threats, they were horrified.  “What kind of school did you go to?  Oh you’re from Atlanta? That must’ve been so scary! They must have some really bad schools where you lived!”  Well… no, not exactly.   What kind of school did I go to?  A good one, or so I thought.

Now, that term has no meaning.  There is no such thing as a “good school.”  There is no school where children can be kept safe from gun violence, from bullying, from racism, from sexual harassment or assault, from exposure to drugs and alcohol, not even from predatory teachers.  As hard as we try to put in policies and security procedures, and codes of conduct and mental health resources, we have been unable to protect our children from the world that we have created.  A world in which violence is glorified and murder makes you a celebrity.  A world in which anger is the most readily accessible emotion and violence an acceptable recourse when you feel provoked.  A world in which we are quick to label violent criminals as part of the mental health crisis, yet refuse to properly fund community mental health centers, or put social workers in every school, or teach basic communication and conflict resolution skills to children.  Teachers are vilified, blamed, and punished for classroom problems that originate in the home, yet we refuse to give teachers the support they need from social workers and school psychologists to help families become successful in the classroom.  I say families, and not just children, on purpose.  Families need to be treated as a whole, to ensure that we see and address all areas in which the family is struggling.  We keep insisting that test scores are the best way to measure a child’s potential and progress, scores which completely ignore a child’s emotional, social, and psychological progress.  While politicians starve our public schools of resources and ignore the needs of the mentally ill and struggling families, we have turned our anger on each other, vilifying our fellow citizens and digging our heels into the culture wars to make up for the lack of a functioning public sphere.

Our schools should not be war zones, yet that’s what many of them have been for decades, and any attempts by parents to get their kids into a “good school” are increasingly fruitless.  There is no panacea to solve the culture of violence that has resulted in the mass shooting epidemic that we are currently suffering through.  It cannot be solved with thoughts and prayers, it cannot be solved by banning bump stocks, or raising the age to purchase certain weapons, or bringing religion into schools.  It cannot be solved by school resource officers, as we so crushingly discovered during the Parkland shooting, and it cannot be solved by instituting more anti-bullying campaigns.  Trying to imagine any of the teachers that I grew up with as pistol-packing renegades seems not only incredibly dangerous and ineffective, but incredibly unfair given the sacrifices and responsibilities that we already expect from teachers and our refusal to pay them properly for the amazing work they are doing every day.   We are way beyond all of those ideas now.  People continue to shout their ideas for solutions, and many of those ideas have merit, while others seem reactionary and insufficient.  I am not going to pretend to know all the answers.  I certainly have my own opinions about what I would like to see happen, but I fear that nothing we can do at this point will be sufficient without an enormous cultural shift that our country seems unprepared for and unwilling to recognize.  The problems that go into the making of an active shooter are deep and resonating throughout our culture.  Lack of empathy, isolationism, misogyny and racism, rampant abuse and violence in our neighborhoods, families, schools, and media, easy access to weapons ranging from hunting weapons to handguns to military style assault rifles, glorified violence on television both fictionalized and reality based: all of this has indoctrinated us to the point where we don’t even try to stop the violence any more, we just try to prepare for it.

I am sick.  I am sick of this culture of violence.  I used to get angry when I would hear people say that they don’t like to watch the news because they don’t like to see all the violence and terrible things going on in the world.  How could they just turn a blind eye and pretend it’s not all happening?  I understand this more now.  It comes from a feeling of abject helplessness in the face of the world we have created.  It comes from a sense of self-protectionism, akin to hiding in a closet while a gunman murders your classmates.  I used to watch Law & Order episodes like a junkie.  Ditto the ID Investigations, and Forensic Files, and other reality based crime shows.  However, after years of working with victims of violence and abuse in my real-life job, I cannot see violence as entertainment anymore.  I don’t ignore it, I can’t ignore it, and my job necessitates that I continue to confront it daily.  Yet I can’t shake the feeling of helplessness and self-protectionism.  So I will continue to battle as I have always done, one life at a time, one client at a time, and one family at a time, which includes my own.  This is the only way I know how to fight back against our cultural sickness.

A few weeks ago, my daughter filled me in on some of the 2nd grade struggles going on in her school that week.  A student did not want to include one of her friends in their games, and was trying to get the other kids to leave the other kid out.  This upset my daughter because she didn’t want her friend to be left out.  We processed this for a while, but she came to her own conclusion: “I’m going to stick up for my friend tomorrow”.   “I think that’s a good idea, I’m proud of you,” I said.  Meanwhile, back at work in my office, we prepared for another annual active shooter drill.  So when the alarm came on via my computer and cell phone, alerting to the fact that there was an active shooter (exercise) on premise, I closed and locked my office door as instructed, and listened as we heard pretend gun shots, people running through the halls, and the first responders practicing their take down in the building.  Back in elementary school, zig-zagging across that field, it seemed silly, remote, and implausible.  Sitting in my office that day, listening to shots fired and the boots running through the hallways, it felt more real than ever before.

It’s on all of us to change the culture that has created this mess that our children are now paying for with their lives.  What each of us can do is going to be different.  Perhaps engaging in the policy battles and protests, perhaps donating to or volunteering with your local school systems or other organizations, perhaps changing your buying or viewing habits to promote more of what you want to see and support, and less of what continues to sicken us.  I can’t come up with a catch-all prescription and say “here’s the solution, this will fix it”.  I just know that most of us can do something, including our feckless leaders, and we all have to be a part of creating the world our children deserve.  I will continue to hope that we can make progress together, despite the political barriers that seem insurmountable at this time.  I can increasingly sense the desperation, the anger, and the futility that is seeping into every area of our society.  I’m not willing to give up, though I understand why people do.  When it feels overwhelming, I try to remember that even though I can’t change everything I want to change about our culture, I can still be responsible for my little corner of the universe.  I know that small scale change leads to bigger changes later on.  If anything is clear to me now, it is that change comes from the bottom up, not the top down.  To me, that means working on myself, on my own family, with my clients, with my friends, and with my community.  I want bigger change, but I can’t single handedly pull it off.  To that end, bottoms up.

Are you Parenting your Partner?

Self-Care: We’re Talking about it Wrong

As someone in a caregiving profession, I know all about “self-care”.  Other people in caregiving professions and  high stress jobs are frequently reminded that we need to take care of ourselves in order to ensure our long lasting ability to continue to perform our work with ongoing engagement and consistent quality.  In fact, we’re lectured about it constantly, as if some extra yoga and another pedicure will absorb some of the daily stressors we experience in our work and home lives.  It’s true that if you don’t take time out from your normal obligations to do enriching and meaningful activities, your quality of life will suffer.  However, the way our culture has become accustomed to pointing to “self-care” as the primary remedy to all of the stress that has built up in our lives is problematic.

One problem with this over-used prescription is that it is just another way of deferring responsibility to the individual to resolve all of the culture induced distress that has become overwhelming in the first place.  For example, if your primary stressor is your job and/or working conditions, self-care can only go so far in remedying the problem.  If the conditions that you work under do not change, the stress is going to remain.  Certainly you can develop a set of coping skills, habits, and life-enhancing activities that will increase your quality of life outside of your job, but if you keep returning to the same stressful environment day after day, the amount of relief you will experience is limited.  While some of us have choices in the kinds of jobs and career options we pursue, it’s not always practical, feasible or even desirable to just go out and find a new job when the stress levels become unmanageable.

Administrators, managers, and supervisors love to hand out the self-care prescription when employees complain about their workplace stressors.  It’s easy to see why they do this.  This absolves the company of any responsibility to manage the workplace environment in a way that promotes the wellbeing of their employees by offering on-site services to enrich employee health and happiness, ensuring employees have reasonable work expectations and sufficient resources to do their jobs well (including fair compensation), and prioritize employee mental and physical health in their overall business plans.  By telling employees “make sure you’re practicing self-care”, the employee becomes responsible for managing whatever workplace expectations come their way, and if they can’t handle it, it’s their fault for not taking care of themselves.

Another problem with our approach to using self-care as a catch-all recommendation for worker health, is that we tell workers particularly in the caregiving professions that they need to practice self-care “so that you can care for others”.  We also tell this to parents, reminding them that one of their duties is to care for themselves so that they can continue to care for others.  The reason this is problematic is because we again are ignoring the needs of the individual in service to the sacrifices that individual is making for others, whether that be to their workplace, their family, or others.  The assumption is that if you are burnt out and stressed beyond reason, that you cannot then attend properly to the needs of others.  It’s not that the statement itself isn’t true, it’s that this is the wrong way to look at self-care.  Taking care of yourself is something that you deserve independently of your value to your workplace or your family.  You should take care of yourself because you deserve to reap the benefits of enjoying a good quality of life enriched with the things that relax and rejuvenate you.  Will it make you a better caregiver, employee, parent, or colleague?  Probably.  But that’s not the point.  Maybe you like to exercise, meditate, pamper yourself, engage in spiritual practices and reflections, spend time with the people you care about, or give back to your community in meaningful ways.  These are things that you should do because they enrich your quality of life and connection to others, not because you owe it to the people you give other forms of care or service to.  You should go about doing the things that help you to enjoy your life because it is your life and you deserve to enjoy it.

One thing that would be more helpful to most people would be if their employers starting looking at employee mental and physical health as something that they have a stake in too.  Some employers have found creative ways to support their employees beyond providing a general recommendation that employees take care of themselves.  These measures can go from ideas such as bringing in massage therapists or other service providers on site, allowing flexible or work from home schedules, up to profit sharing or co-op models that provide employees with more stake in their own companies.  Such approaches to managing employee mental, physical, and financial health can go a long way towards increasing quality of life without increasing the pressure and burdens on employees to find their own solutions to workplace stressors.  We can all support companies that engage in practices such as these, which reflect a business model that values the employees.  We can also support each other by dropping the “so you can take care of others” part of our encouragement to care for ourselves.  We all have a limited time in which to live our lives, and it can be a great joy and source of personal satisfaction and meaning when we care for others, whether that is our clients, our friends, or our families.  Moreover, we deserve to care for ourselves, as well as to receive the care others have for us, because our lives are independently valuable.  We are not only mothers, fathers, children, caregivers, or employees.  We are individuals deserving of our best quality of life as we see fit, and the steps we take to care for ourselves can and should be done to enhance life for the pure joy of it, not merely to preserve our ability to care for others.

Do you have to forgive an abusive parent?

Many people struggle with healing from an abusive childhood, and when the abuser was a parent, the healing process can be particularly complicated.  Everyone has a unique story and the impact on individuals is affected by many different factors.  The severity, frequency, and tactics of the abuse, and emotional strain on the victim all impact the degree to which people are able to cope with and recover from past trauma.  One area of struggle can revolve around the concept of forgiving your abuser.

Forgiveness is often one our culture’s go-to prescriptions when it comes to dealing with painful incidents that continue to impact our current lives.  These prescriptions may come in the form of religious instructions, moral obligations, and the promise of healing.  While forgiveness may be an important and helpful step in the recovery process, it is important to understand who it is being done for and why.  Otherwise forgiveness itself becomes confusing, complicated, or even meaningless.

At one time in my career I was working as a hospice social worker.  Most of my patients were very elderly, and the majority of them had supportive and loving families who had the comfort and peace of the patient as their priority.  However, occasionally I worked with families where there was significant emotional strain in the relationship between the dying parent and the adult son or daughter, sometimes due to past abuse by the parent.  Needless to say the issues each family was dealing with were unique and there were long and fraught histories involved.  I had some family members who spoke to me about their own process of forgiveness and how it helped them to heal and find their own peace, and I had other families who had no interest in a dramatic reconciliation at the deathbed.  They were tired of being judged for keeping their distance from a formerly abusive parent, and their own healing was better served by strong boundaries and detachment.  Our society loves a Hollywood ending, and popular culture is littered with depictions of those reconciliations.

When I am working with clients to process and heal from childhood abuse, we discuss forgiveness and what it means for their individual recovery process.  Some of the things we have to figure out through that process include knowing who the forgiveness is for (the victim, the abuser, or someone else), how it will or will not facilitate their healing process, and why it is being given.  The answers to those questions help people come to an honest conclusion about whether they want to forgive their abuser, whether it will help at all, and the intentions behind that forgiveness.  I don’t ever tell people that they need to or have to forgive their abuser in order to heal and recover from an abusive childhood.  If people feel forced to take the moral high ground by offering forgiveness to someone who may or may not even be in their life anymore, they may continue to struggle to recover because it feels insincere and obligatory.  However, if that forgiveness is offered for the right reasons and at the right time, it can be an important step towards releasing the control trauma can have over their life and emotional wellness.  The “right reasons and right time” are not for me to decide.  Those decisions need to be made by the individual who is healing from that trauma.

As friends, families, communities, and caregivers, we can place value on forgiveness without making it into an obligation for people who have been abused.  Coping with the emotional labor of processing the abuse inflicted by a parent who is supposed to love and care for you is difficult enough without having social pressure to rush the process and bring it to a convenient and neat conclusion.  Allowing abuse survivors to direct their own recovery and determine why, when, how, and if forgiveness is a part of their healing journey is a more supportive and intentional way to promote recovery.

Aly Raisman Speaks for Survivors, and Herself

This past Friday, Olympic Gold medalist Aly Raisman delivered a powerful victim impact statement at the sentencing portion of convicted sexual abuser Larry Nassar, former doctor to the USA Gymnastics team.  Nassar pled guilty to 7 counts of sexually abusing minors, but he has been accused by over 150 athletes of manipulating his position as their doctor by sexually abusing them under the guise of providing medical treatment.  The depth and scope of his abusive practices are horrific, but as with many of the abusers who have been exposed over the past year and half, he had a network of people behind him helping to cover up his abuses and discredit or silence his accusers.  Raisman made clear in her statement that victims everywhere are fed up with being silenced and dismissed by saying “You do realize now the women you so heartlessly abused over such a long period of time are now a force, and you are nothing.”

I have spent much of my career working with survivors of sexual abuse, both as a victim advocate and as a therapist.  The criminal justice system has long been a source of frustration for me and my clients, both because of its re-victimization of survivors who do come forward, and the difficulty that victims have with receiving any kind of justice at all.  Specifically, I find myself infuriated when cases are dismissed outright because “there is no evidence”.  The message this sends to everyone is that a victim’s testimony is not evidence.  It is only when dozens and dozens of women come forward with the same stories that their word can be trusted and used in a court of law.  It takes a powerful army of survivors to put away 1 single abuser.  This is the broken system that victims are forced to contend with if they want any measure of justice for the crimes against them.  We don’t do this with other types of crimes.

Raisman spoke forcefully against her abuser in court, questioning the system that allowed his abuse to continue for years and calling him out directly for being a manipulative predator of the worst kind.  It can be difficult for a survivor to see Raisman, who is a successful, high profile woman, speak out in court and think “I couldn’t do that, she has more security, money, and support than I do; I have too much to lose by speaking out”.  Yet one of the first things Raisman acknowledged when she began to speak was that she was scared, and she didn’t want to come to deliver her victim impact statement.  Even strong, powerful women can feel scared and small when facing the prospect of speaking out against an abuser.  No one is protected from criticism when speaking out about their own abuse, because our culture has ingrained an atmosphere of victim blaming and doubt into our collective response to crimes of sexual abuse.  I have personally borne witness to enough horror stories of how victims have been treated to know that we have a serious, serious problem.  Policies have gotten better over the past 40 years or so, but in practice, much of the shame and blame continues.

Sexual abuse survivors need first and foremost to feel safe again, which means being believed and supported when they come forward.  When their experiences are minimized and dismissed, or when they are blamed for the actions of their abusers, the healing process is damaged and it may take years or decades before they are able to seek help again.  Healing after sexual trauma is possible, but we can all contribute to making this process more accessible to survivors by believing and supporting victims and taking their claims seriously.  However, until the criminal justice system undergoes reforms that will enable more victims to confront their abusers in court, countless victims will go without justice and countless abusers will remain free to continue to perpetuate their crimes.  The problem of sexual abuse, harassment, and exploitation continues daily.  Anyone who cares about this issue must continue to speak out in support of survivors and demand changes in the systems that perpetuate the abuse if real change is to be made.

If you have been a victim of abuse, please know that while your circumstances may be unique to your particular experience, there is a lot of support available to survivors these days.  It is important to know who, in your personal network of people, you may be able to trust and confide in for support.  Yet even if you do not have a supportive group of family or friends around you, you can find support by reaching out for help from your community and from online resources.  Finding an individual therapist or support group is one way to start the healing process.  However, there are also many other online resources and forums where you can receive information and support if you are not ready to seek support in person or if you have difficulty finding resources in your area.   If you have not been victimized, but know someone who has, you can be a supportive presence to them by believing them, listening, and providing reassurance that that abuse was not their fault, and that you are willing to stand by them as they heal and seek help in whatever form they need.  Do not try to force the person to go to the police if they are not ready or do not want to report.  As discussed, the criminal justice system sometimes serves to re-victimize and cause more pain to survivors.  However, if a survivor does want to report, you can encourage and support them through that process, or help them to find a victim advocate.  For more information about support and resources, visit, or call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673.

The Benefits of Emotional Support Animals

Many people are familiar with the practice of pet therapy, as well as service animals, but I’ve noticed a rise in both the benefits and recognition of a newer category of animals known as emotional support animals (ESA).  Emotional support animals are not trained to perform specific tasks for their owners in the same way that service animals are.  Service animals may be trained to do things that help people with mobility and sensory conditions or other disabilities, and they are covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), which means that they legally are allowed at any public place that their owner goes and receive protections from housing discrimination, among other legal protections.  They specifically do things that the individual cannot do for themselves, such as guiding or alerting people, picking up objects, responding to PTSD symptoms under duress, or assisting with other tasks.  Emotional Support Animals are not specifically trained to do these things, but may otherwise provide comfort and reduce distress in conditions such as anxiety and depression.  ESAs are not service animals and are not covered under the ADA.  Nevertheless, emotional support animals can be an important and legitimate tool for people who experience relief from distress when spending time with and receiving affection from their animals.

The benefits of service animals are considered a necessary aid to people with special needs.  We have long been accepting of service animals in public places (I once saw a woman with a service pony in a Target), and more recently have increased the training and accessibility of service animals for veterans through different programs specifically targeted for veterans with physical or mental health injuries.  However, despite these socially acceptable and recognized benefits, people with less severe conditions are sometimes mocked or dismissed when claiming the need for an emotional support animal.  It’s true that with any specially recognized category there is potential for abuse by people without true needs who want to claim benefits.  Yet just because someone’s condition doesn’t necessarily disable them, this doesn’t mean that their ESA isn’t providing a true benefit to them.

Many people who are high functioning have learned to cover their conditions well, and continue to work and engage in other areas of their lives while still suffering from depression or anxiety in private.  When an ESA can provide some relief from these symptoms and comfort to those who are suffering, I can find little reason to deny people the right to maintain access to their animals.  Mostly, people with ESAs simply want access to housing that they may otherwise be denied if they want to bring their animal with them.  Apartment complexes with no pet policies will usually allow ESA animals with documentation from a medical or mental health provider certifying the need for an ESA, whereas they would be legally required to do so under the ADA with a certified service animal.

An emotional support animal is more than a pet.  While from the outside it may look as though someone is functioning just fine, you don’t know what symptoms a person may be experiencing privately.  Anyone who has loved an animal can attest to the very real comfort and companionship they provide.  An ESA can be an invaluable tool for people with anxiety, depression, or other related conditions that helps them improve their quality of life and cope with their symptoms.  With proper training and care, there is little downside to accepting ESAs more openly in our society and reducing the stigma towards people who use them responsibly.  Even if you do not need an ESA or suffer from a mental health condition, your relationship with your pet is meaningful and can improve your quality of life.  Bonding with an animal helps you focus on the needs of another being, and they can reward you with affection and unconditional love.  If you want to learn more about ESAs, visit

Women at Werk Empowerment Conference

This past weekend I had the pleasure of attending the first annual Women at Werk Empowerment Conference.  This was an event that combined presentations from successful working professionals with vendors, information booths, and give-aways by women-owned and operated businesses.  “Werk” is intentionally spelled with an E for Empowerment.  The goal of the conference for attendees was knowledge, networking, and inspiration from fellow females at many different stages of career development.  I can truly say that this event met and exceeded my expectations in terms of what I was hoping to get out of it.  The speakers were inspirational, the vendors were diverse and creative in their scope of services and products, and the energy of the women who attended and participated in the conference was inspirational.  I wanted to share some of the things that I personally took away from my experience at Women at Werk (in addition to some free bling by Kendra Scott Jewelry!).

Success is not measured by money, it is measured by Joy” –Dr. Asha Brewer

This statement by one of the morning speakers really resonated with me.  Money may be the tangible goal that many of us are working towards as we seek career success.  However, for many people, when you really examine what it is that we want, it’s not the actual money.  I know there are many people out there who truly just want lots and lots of money.  However, I think for more of us, what money represents is freedom, and it is that freedom that allows us to pursue our Joy.  Joy, of course, can be attained through many things: time with our families, new and interesting experiences, fulfilling our hobbies, goals, and dreams, and giving back in meaningful ways to causes and communities we care about.  When we are able to use our work to fulfill our potential and achieve our goals, the joy will come.  When we choose to focus on achieving joy, then success becomes much more tangible.  If you find yourself reaching more and more career success as measured by income, but have no joy, then what is the point?  I know for me, there is no specific amount of money that would mean “success” to me.  For me, success is more about achieving what I need to accomplish in order for me to experience the joy that comes from freedom, and be able to transfer that joy to others whenever and however I can.

#MeToo  –  Brenda Bellard

A women’s empowerment conference could hardly have avoided the topic of sexual harassment in the workplace in light of the Me Too movement of 2017.  While Ms. Bellard came to talk about financial literacy and the importance of understanding banking and finance for female entrepreneurs, it was her personal story of resilience and success in the corporate banking culture that really inspired me with gratitude for the women of the older generations who have carved out the paths for women and racial minorities today.  As an African American woman who started in banking as a teller and achieved Vice President status at Sun Trust Bank, she’s seen and experienced it all.  As a woman in a male dominated field, she described the harassment she faced, including a man who would throw paper balls down the front of her blouse for his own amusement while at work.  With no allies around her, and the corporate culture of the time unlikely to support her, she had to deal with the man herself, which she did, after hours, in a break room, by herself.  When I try to imagine the courage it took for Ms. Bellard to confront this harasser on her own, risking her career and possibly even her safety, I’m in awe.  It is because of women like her that we are where we are today.  We have still further to go in order to make workplaces safe and fair for all women, but I feel more empowered knowing that women have been at this fight for a long time, and we’re not giving up, we’re getting louder.

“Your vagina has power…SQUEEZE”  -Dr. Ieshai Bailey

Hats off to the lady who got an entire room of well over 100 attendees doing kegels together!  As a licensed sex therapist, amongst other notable accomplishments, Dr. Bailey epitomized the embrace of positive sexuality.  Many may have been blushing, but she did manage to get our fists in the air to embrace the SQUEEZE!  Her message of rejecting the language of sexual shame and embracing sexual power and JOY, was uplifting and a great reminder that our bodies are ours to enjoy.  I loved her mixture of frank talk and disarming humor.  Her message was a great addition to this conference, as she reminded us to embrace every part of our femininity, and to caste off the shame that our culture has tried to tie up female sexuality with.

There is so much more that I could share and talk about with this conference, and I I’m sure I’ll be called back to remind myself of the energy and inspiration this event triggered for me as I continue to work on my own goals.  I want to give a Big Shout Out to the organizer of the event, Stephanie A. Jones, who is herself an inspiring and empowered woman who is always seeking to lift up those around her who want to come along for the ride.  I can’t wait to network with this group of ambitious and creative women.  I also managed to snag some swag from a few vendors as well, including beauty products  from Apple Rose Beauty  that do double duty by supporting the fight to end human trafficking, and some self-care items from Unapologetically Single, which supports my own need to Zen-out as often as realistically possible.  In short, don’t miss this event next time around if you want to network with other ambitious and creative women, support local and female owned business, and get those ideas flowing for your own projects.  I will definitely be there (did I mention I got free jewelry?!?).

Rebuilding Trust

One question I often hear from couple’s who have experienced infidelity is: how do I trust my partner again?  It’s a difficult question to answer, because while many people say trust is earned, I tend to say that it is given.  Sometimes betrayals happen even after years of devotion, and it is hard to know how to “earn back” something that’s been broken.  Sometimes when you’ve been hurt, you may want to resort to tactics that are intended to reassure you, like wanting to have more oversight of them by checking their phone, or their social media accounts.  Unfortunately, I think these strategies tend to be ineffective in the long run when it comes to healing a relationship after betrayals occur, and may even exacerbate mistrust and conflict.  They may provide some temporary satisfaction to the person who’s been hurt, but it’s important to think about long term results as well when you are trying to move forward as a couple.

Trust can be built back slowly as more of your emotional needs are met over time.  However, it ultimately takes a decision that is made by the per son who has been hurt, to give that trust back when they are ready.  Unfortunately, trust is always an emotional risk that you take.   Frequent or reoccurring infidelity over time is, of course, an indicator that your partner is not deserving of your trust.  Yet many people who have been betrayed by their partners still want to repair the relationship, even after multiple occurrences.  How do you trust someone who has violated their commitment to you?  The surveillance route is inadvisable in my opinion.  It creates a dynamic in which the relationship turns into more of an adolescent trying to avoid being grounded by their parent than a couple trying to work through emotionally difficult times together. If this is where you are in your relationship, there are some things that you can do to try and work on moving forward. First, instead of talking about what happened, talk instead about how you feel about what happened.  Instead of trying to figure out all the details, which may just cause more hurt to the person who was betrayed, talk instead about how that pain has affected them.  Decide what needs to change in the relationship in order for the dynamic to return to a place of trust and mutual respect.  These may be things like having more frequent time set aside for you as a couple to reconnect with each other, sharing letters or other writings that express feelings related to the infidelity, increased attention to the division of duties within the household, or sharing spiritual time or other meaningful activities together.

The commitment to these kinds of activities will tell you more about you and your partner’s ability to build trust and mutual respect over time than will checking phone records and social media accounts.  Sometimes people really are not deserving of your trust.  Knowing when to walk away is important too, but I encourage couples who do want to move forward to be mindful about how they choose to rebuild trust over time.  Infidelity involves very real pain and damage in relationships, and the healing process must also involve some real effort and thoughtfulness on the part of both partners in order to move forward with true forgiveness and mutual respect.

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205 g in lbs and oz

How many pounds and ounces in 0.205 kilogram?

0.205 kg = 7 3/16 oz(*)

How many lbs and oz in 205 g? There is 7 3/16 oz (ounces) in 205 kg. Use our calculator below to transform any kg or grams value in lbs and ounces.

Kg to pounds and oz converter

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Using this converter you can get answers to questions like:

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How to convert 0.205 kilogram to pounds and ounces step-by-step

Step 1: Convert from kilograms to pounds

1 kilogram = 2.2 x pounds, so,

0.205 x 1 kilogram = 0.205 x 2.2 pounds (rounded), or

0.205 kilogram = 0.451 pound.

Step 2: Convert the decimal part of pounds to ounces

An answer like "0.451 pound" might not mean much to you because you may want to express the decimal part, which is in pounds, in ounces which is a smaller unit.

So, take everything after the decimal point (0.45), then multiply that by 16 to turn it into ounces. This works because one pound = 16 ounces. Then,

0.45 pound x 16 = 7.2 ounces or 0.45 pound = 7.2 ounces. Obviously, this is equivalent to 0.205 kilogram. We do not have pounds in this answer, because 0.45 pound is smaller than one and we choose to convert to ounces only.

The previous step gave you the answer in decimal ounces (7.2), but how to express it as an usable (practical) fraction? See below a procedure, which can also be made using a calculator, to convert the decimal ounces to the nearest usable fraction:

a) Subtract 7, the number of whole ounces, from 7.2:

7.2 - 7 = 0.2. This is the fractional part of the value in ounces.

0.2 x 16 = 3.2.

c) Take the integer part:

int(3.2) = 3. This is the number of 16th's of a pound and also the numerator of the fraction.

Finally, 0.205 kilogram = 0 pound 7 3/16 ounces.

In short:

0.205 kg = 7 3/16 ounces

Other units also called ounce

Examples of kilograms to pounds and ounces conversions

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