How The Pressure To Breastfeed Can Exacerbate Postpartum Depression
One widower shares his late wife's story.
By Korin Miller
Facebook.com/PrayForFlo
New dad Kim Chen is receiving a lot of support after penning a powerful Facebook post detailing his wife's experience with postpartum depression—and her eventual tragic suicide. As Chen explains in the moving post, his wife, Florence Leung, was reported missing on October 25, 2016, and her body was discovered off of the coast of Vancouver three weeks later.
"I have been living in survival mode: living a day at a time, sometimes an hour at a time—exactly like many people taught me to do," he writes. "Living at the moment is truly the only way to go through this at this stage. As the initial shock and emotional numbness slowly subside, I'm experiencing more flashbacks of memories from our 6.5 years of happiness, and for now these memories tend to trigger pain and intense longing."
In the post, Chen shared an article about a woman who died by suicide after silently battling postpartum depression and urged women to seek help if they start to experience symptoms. "For all the new moms experiencing low mood or anxiety, please seek help and talk about your feelings," he wrote. "You are not alone. You are not a bad mother."
Chen says he and his wife were thrilled to become parents, but then experienced challenges. In October, Chen told CTV News in Vancouver that his wife hadn't been acting like herself before she disappeared. "She started to mumble, 'I can't do this, I can't do this,'" he said. "Her eyes would be darting around." She also told her mom once that she wanted to "quit" and wanted to die.
Leung was anxious about experiencing difficulty breastfeeding and wasn't sleeping well. That's why Chen also urged in his Facebook post for hospitals to put less pressure on women to exclusively breastfeed—and tells moms that it's OK if they struggle to nurse their babies. "Do not EVER feel bad or guilty about not being able to 'exclusively breastfeed,' even though you may feel the pressure to do so based on posters in maternity wards, brochures in prenatal classes, and teachings at breastfeeding classes," he writes. "While agreeing to the benefits of breast milk, there NEEDS to be an understanding that it is OK to supplement with formula, and that formula is a completely viable option."
Read his moving post below.
Chen is right. "We do know that exclusive breastfeeding is best for your baby, but everything in life is a balance of risks and benefits. If you are experiencing difficulties with breastfeeding and it is affecting how you are coping emotionally, then, yes, supplementing with formula as needed may be part of the answer," Julie Lamppa, A.P.R.N., a certified nurse midwife at the Mayo Clinic, tells SELF. "But remember that it's not the whole answer [when trying to cope]—you still need additional support from those around you and a medical provider."
Anxiety about breastfeeding can be difficult to handle, and Tamar Gur, M.D., Ph.D., a women's health expert and reproductive psychiatrist at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center, tells SELF that it can be tough to overcome. "For women who are suffering from postpartum depression, having difficulty breastfeeding can feel like a life-and-death matter," she says. "They feel that they have completely failed as a mother."
Licensed clinical psychologist Alicia H. Clark, Psy.D., tells SELF that this anxiety can also trigger depression. "If there's nothing you can do to solve an issue, or you feel that there's nothing you can do to solve it, a real feeling of hopelessness comes over you," she says. "That's the core of depression. It's what becomes postpartum depression."
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about one in eight mothers experience some symptoms of postpartum depression. Women are more at risk when they suffer from stress, had difficulty getting pregnant, are a mother to multiples (like twins or triplets), had pregnancy complications, or have low social support, the CDC says, although the organization notes that anyone can suffer from the condition.
Lamppa says PPD symptoms often include general feelings of sadness, anxiety, irritability, sleeping too much or too little, feeling overwhelmed, appetite changes, and/or crying for no reason at all.
Despite its prevalence, the National Coalition for Maternal Mental Health reports that most women will not seek help or receive treatment for postpartum depression.
While plenty of women can struggle with breastfeeding and never experience symptoms of postpartum depression, Gur says that it can be a "lightning rod" for those who are already suffering from postpartum depression or are more susceptible to it. The difference is that women who aren't suffering from postpartum depression will reach out for help—to a lactation consultant, pediatrician, etc.—and don't have intense shame around difficulty nursing, she says. They can also advocate for themselves and their well-being. Those who suffer from postpartum depression, on the other hand, typically isolate themselves, don't ask for help, don't eat or drink enough, and then have breast milk production that decreases, which only exacerbates the problem.
Lamppa agrees. "Normal worries can be processed and managed in a rational way—you may worry that your baby isn't getting enough milk, however, you are able to calm those fears knowing that your baby is having plenty of dirty diapers and is satisfied after feedings," she says. "It becomes more concerning when normal measures of reassurance, support, or positive experiences are unable to relieve these anxieties."
Clark says it's crucial for women to reach out for help if they're struggling. "Postpartum depression can spiral out of control," she says. Help starts with talking to friends and your partner, if there's one in the picture, and trying to get better sleep, which is of course easier said than done as a parent. But a lack of sleep can be especially damaging to new moms, she says. "You can get psychotic without sleep," she says. "Without sleep, we lose touch with reality, hallucinate, or get confused."
It's also important to speak with a licensed mental health professional. Clark acknowledges it can be difficult for new moms to make it into an office without their child, but points out that she does phone consultations with mothers and their partners if they can't make it to her office—it's worth asking if someone near you will do the same.
But, above all, don't be afraid to seek help. "Postpartum depression is a temporary problem.... Reach out," Gur says. "That's really what's best for you and that baby."
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Korin is a former New Yorker who now lives at the beach. She received a double B.A. in International Relations and Marketing from The College of William & Mary (which she doesn't use at all now) and an M.A. in Interactive Journalism from American University. Korin has been published in... Read more
TopicsFlorence LeungKim Chendepressionpostpartum depressionnewsbreastfeedingmental health
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