QaF Cannibal Crack!Fic Update Chapter 12 - Maria's Den of Madness
QaF Cannibal Crack!Fic Update Chapter 12
It's so very cool. We now have too many employees at the shop!
Time off for Maria!
So here's the next installment if anyone hasn't abandoned this yet.
Title: Ma, Can I keep him?
Chapter: 12/?
Pairing: B/J, implied E/J; also possibly, inter-species pairing (Hey, we're still not sure of Mikey's parentage)
Warnings: It is afterall a cannibal fic. Nothing squicky, just allusions to things that might make people uncomfortable. The word 'eviscerate' is used quite a bit.
Disclaimers: I don't own Cowlip, the boys and have I not nor ever will tip-toe through the tulips.
Summary: This is crack!fic. It is a cannibal crack!fic. It is tongue-in-cheek black humor. This is the warning within the summary. Debbie is the Sweeney Todd type living in some backwater town (not too far from Pittsburgh) with her mentally disturbed son, Mikey (yes, I stuck to canon) and adopted son, Brian. Justin and Ethan are passing through.
Previous chapters can be found here.
NOTE: This chapter contains sex between two males. If this offends you, then I gotta ask you, what the fuck you're doing here?! I'm sure there is some nice het porn over at the 'Gilligan's Island' fandom. AND, AND if you are not of legal age to read this, then I must warn you that I cursed this passage so if you are under age and you DO decide to read this, a zit will appear at the top of your forehead, a really big, nasty one and it will pick the most inopportune time to burst. So save yourself the grief...
Brian had rushed back into the house after his little confrontation with Ian feeling just this side of insecure - completely new feelings for the usually over confident man. After going down to the pen, planning on his next course of action regarding the acquisition of new meat, he had done what he had originally not planned on doing, namely the taunting of one Ethan Gold.
Now Brian was not usually the type of man to kick someone when they were down - oh who was he kidding. Of course he was the type of man to kick someone when they were down - afterall, they were usually in the perfect position to do so. Why would a person even want to pass up an opportunity to exploit someone when they were at a disadvantage?
So with that, Brian could not, because it was in his human nature, not taunt the man who had been bedding Justin for the past, well Brian wasn't sure of exactly how long Ian had been intimate with Justin, but the very idea of it just hit him in the worst way, once again, conjuring feelings in himself he was not entirely too familiar with.
With the conversation still fresh in his mind between himself and the soon-to-be-ground-violinist, he wondered how long this thing, whatever you wanted to call this thing, he had with Justin would last. Brian never had to really rely on anyone before, and granted, he wasn't now, but he found himself wanting to make sure to keep Justin around just a little while longer. Everyday he would wake up with his morning hard-on firmly wedged in between Justin's ample bottom, spooned up behind the boy with his arm draped across his torso. And every morning he told himself today would be the day he would find a way to send Justin back home. Then Justin would roll over, open his eyes and smile that smile with his dimple peeking out the corner and Brian would think that maybe tomorrow would be a better day.
That was the very reason why the conversation bothered Brian so much. Justin would eventually remember that he was with someone, or maybe he wouldn't, but he would eventually decide he was entirely too tired of him and just leave after it was too late, after Brian had gotten too attached to him.
Brian decided he didn't want to admit to himself that it was already too late.
And with that, Brian marched into the kitchen where the very object of his obsession (no, Brian thought, not obsession, just convenience) was sitting, pretty as he pleased at the kitchen table.
"Brian! There you are! Listen, Mikey..."
But Justin never got to finish his sentence as Brian was covering his mouth, effectively devouring Justin's lips with his own. Once Brian had pulled away from the panting boy, noticing the kiss-swollen lips, he said, "you were saying?"
Justin looked up at Brian with lust-glazed eyes, and yes, Brian thought, they were most definitely lust-glazed. "Um...er...I forgot. Talking is really over-rated anyways..." and with that Justin jumped back into Brian's arms and continued carrying out Brian's earlier plans of devouring his mouth, which then commenced into devouring Justin's neck and then collarbone.
"Want you...right now," Brian moaned out while unbuckling Justin's overalls. He turned the boy around against the wall but remembered he didn't have any lubricant but being the ever resourceful person Brian was, he improvised. He reached up to the shelf above the stove and found what he was looking for.
Brian coated his fingers generously and then started to slip his fingers into Justin who was shaking against the wall.
"Oh God...Brian! Oh God...what's that smell?"
"Olive oil...extra virgin olive oil...nothing's too good for my little sunshine," Brian taunted while scissoring his fingers in and out of Justin while nipping at his ear.
Justin giggled and squirmed and then in a teasing voice said, "if I didn't know any better, I would think you were basting me before cooking and eating me."
Brian turned Justin around and held him by his shoulders. "Never say that - not even to kid around!"
Justin looked up at Brian, "o-kay, um, I'm sorry?"
Brian then kissed Justin and wouldn't let go. "I need to be in you," Brian panted while touching his forehead to Justin's. Justin then started to turn around but Brian stopped him. "No...I want to see your face."
Brian then picked Justin up, sliding him against the wall and then impaling him on his cock.
"Brian!" Justin screamed.
Brian then set a steady rhythm, Justin's back sliding up and down on the wall, his head lolling to one side. With Justin's eyes closed and his lips parted, sweat forming on his forehead, Brian wished at that moment he could be the artist and capture that face on canvas. He would call it Serenity and Rapture.
"Brian...so good...," Justin moaned.
With that Brian rested his face in the crook of Justin's neck, smelling the boy, committing that particular smell to memory, the silent mantra running through his head of stay be mine stay don't leave.
When Brian lifted his head, he was confronted with two very open, very glazed, very blue eyes. Brian wondered if he were to paint that face, where he would be able to find that very shade of blue and what it would be called. Brian was brought out of his thoughts and his rhythm when Justin brought his hand up to Brian's cheek and looked directly at him. Brian stopped. Justin smiled and then Brian continued at a more frantic pace. Nothing more was said, nothing needed to be said while the two men looked directly at each other while Brian rocked Justin up and down.
"Cumming...God now," Justin panted and Brian could feel the shivering body plastered against him and the wall, the wetness between them and Justin's inner muscles clamping down on him bringing him to a mind-blowing orgasm. Brian held Justin against the wall just awhile longer, savoring the feeling of Justin and himself coming down from their previous high.
Eventually they parted to clean themselves off and redressed (which really wasn't that much of a chore as they both only had one article of clothing on) and Brian said he needed to get some chores done and Justin said there was something he was going to do today but he forgot.
"You do a lot of that, forgetting that is," Brian said while looking at the boy.
"Well you distract me," Justin said while putting his arms around Brian's neck. Brian was about to start in again on the boy by kissing him senseless when he decided he needed to pull back - he was getting in too deep. Brian bit his lip as he continued to gaze at Justin. Justin took Brian's face in his hands.
"You're so guarded. You don't have to be around me you know," Justin whispered as he planted a kiss on Brian's chin. "Everyone has skeletons in their closets, Brian, everyone.'
Yeah, Brian thought, but his had names and social security numbers. He quieted Justin by kissing him thoroughly, the way he originally had intended, parting Justin's lips with his tongue and lazily thrusting against Justin's, trying to decide if he wanted to stay in that position for the rest of the day or ending the kiss so he could get some work done.
Mikey made the decision for Brian by choosing that moment to walk in.
"God Brian - do you have to kiss the food like that! At least so it while I'm not here." Mikey turned around and stood with his arms over his chest. "I think my breakfast might come back up!" Mikey stated petulantly.
Brian gave one last kiss to the boy's lips and walked out of the kitchen.
"Well, at least you're here - I thought I was gonna have to wait around for your fat ass all day. Are you ready to go?"
Now Justin remembered what he was doing today. "Um, yeah. Just to let you know, I don't have any swimming trunks. So unless you want to see me swimming in the buff..."
"I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR FAT ASS NAKED! I'd rather see my mother naked."
Now Justin was offended. "Jesus Mikey, can't you just be nice to me once for fuck's sake. And shit, quit calling my ass fat!" Justin pouted while trying to look behind him.
Mikey rolled his eyes. He might as well be nice to the food as he would probably not be seeing him anymore after today. "Fine! I brought an extra pair - you can wear one of mine."
"As if I wanted to wear a pair of your trunks. God only knows what you've done in them..."
"I could bring you a pair of Teddy's..."
"Yours will do," Justin said and then turned to go.
"Hey Boy Blunder! Help me with the sodas that we're taking," Mikey said as he was reaching into the refrigerator. He started pulling out six-pack after six-pack of Dr Pepper and Mountain Dew.
"Um, Mikey? Do we really need five six-packs of soda? I mean, it is just the two of us, right?"
"I get thirsty."
"No human can drink all that..." Justin started to say and then stopped abruptly.
He almost forgot. He hoped that swimming with Mikey didn't entail having to groom Deb's son later by picking lice out of his hair.
The swimming hole located just outside of town was very quaint. In the latter part of Spring and during the summer months, the lake could be found to be quite busy with all the townspeople and tourists on their way through town. The water was clear, going just deep enough for advanced swimmers to dive into head first but not so deep that you could easily hide a body in.
There were town members who knew this without a doubt.
There was a rope swing that all the kids in town would swing across so they could jump into the water farther out. Cattails and tall grass surrounded one half of the lake while the other half had boulders splayed about that swimmers could lie on to get dry. During the winter months, the lake froze over and people took to ice skating while in the Autumn months, people sat by the lakeside watching as the leaves turned from golden to orange. Teenagers out on a date on Friday and Saturday nights could be seen frequenting the spots behind the old oaks, doing what teenagers have been doing since the beginning of time.
It was the sort of thing that Norman Rockwell wet dreams were made of.
Unfortunately, Mikey and Justin weren't going there to swim.
They were going to the other swimming hole.
And hole was a most deserving term.
Seven years back, an eccentric millionaire by the name of Derek McDravis decided that he would retire to the quiet hamlet, much as George Shickel did, after having 'seen' the world, having traveled to exotic lands from the Sahara Desert to the Amazon rainforest. He purchased several acres of land and built a yurt on the property. McDravis was never one to stand on formalities. He believed in living close to the roots of the earth, eating only organic and preservative free foods because he liked to tell anyone within listening distance (not that there was anyone within listening distance) that all that other shit could kill you faster than you could say "Would you like fries with that?"
Because of the amount of his holdings, he was labeled eccentric. Behind his back, people just called him mad and certifiable.
He had imported rare birds, rodents of varying sizes and 'fish' for his swimming hole.
Carnivorous fish. Piranha to be exact.
Then, as luck would have it, he cut his hand opening a can of preservative-free, organically safe beans. Without the proper care, he died of an infection within three days. He died laughing at his own ironic death, the sole person in on the joke.
When Ranger Ben had found him, which wasn't surprising as the ranger usually paid McDravis a visit once a week to talk about current politics and Tibet, he had alerted the town and then took steps to turn the wetlands into protected lands because of the rare wildlife.
The town was fine with that except for the piranha. They said the fish had to go.
Ben would hear nothing of it saying that all wildlife would be protected on his watch and that was that, because although Ranger Ben may have been a couple cans short of a six-pack of organic cola, he knew how to fill in paperwork and the lands were now under the government's protection.
So the piranha stayed much to the town's dismay - of course Ranger Ben said he would put up signs and possibly barbed wire fence around the perimeter - signs which said things such as DO NOT SWIM IN THE WATER - THIS COULD BE MORTALLY HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH and DO NOT FEED THE FISH and YOU ARE WHAT THEY EAT. No one went near the lake.
The lake Mikey and Justin were going to.
Mikey, knowing Ranger Ben's schedule knew Ben wouldn't have been at the lake today so right after breakfast, Mikey had snuck down to the lake and removed all the signs and clipped the barbed wire in one spot so they could get through.
"The fish will be feasting on that ass for days," Mikey muttered under his breath right before they got to the lake's edge.
"Did you say something Mikey?" Justin asked.
"No, just that I haven't been here for days," Mikey stated quickly, trying to cover his sudden slip.
"Oh," Justin stated as he looked at the lake. The boy bit his lips as he took in the state of the 'swimming hole.' 'Hole' was right. The water was very muddy and was bubbling in certain places while the algae growing at the sides was threatening to take over the entire lake. Justin had to wonder at the sanity of the town if they thought this was a good place to swim and have their children play in. "Um, Mikey, are you sure this is the right lake? It looks all...wrong."
"Of course this is the right lake! I'm not stupid, unless...unless you're calling me a liar!" Mikey started to point and back away. "That's it, isn't it? You're calling me a liar!"
"No Mikey, I'm not calling you a liar."
"Yes you are. You little shit!" Mikey then picked up some mud and threw it at Justin.
Justin suddenly had a flashback to a time when he was at the zoo when he was six and he saw the monkeys flinging their shit at each other.
Justin shook his head clear and stood his ground with the upset little man. "Mikey, I'm really sorry but you don't have to throw things at me. I just don't think I want to go swimming in that water."
Mikey decided to change tactics. "Oh, so you're scared?"
"No, I'm not scared," Justin said defiantly, "but shit, Mikey, look at it!"
Mikey stared over the water. The kid was right, how was he supposed to get him into the water when it looked the way it did - no one would want to swim in that!
"I'd swim in there," Mikey said, proud of himself for figuring out a way to get Justin into the water.
"No you wouldn't," Justin chuckled.
"Yeah, yeah I would - it doesn't look so bad."
"Whatever Mikey," Justin scoffed.
"No I would. You're just a stuck up, country club brat who thinks he's too good for our water."
"Mikey..."
"No you are. And you're scared."
"Would you just shut up," Justin countered getting rather annoyed.
"You're chicken. Chicken. Chicken," Mikey sing-songed.
"So you're saying you'll dive in," Justin said taken aback.
Mikey flushed red. He wouldn't look like a chicken in front of food. "I'm not a chicken - like you! Watch!"
And with that, Mikey positioned himself at the log which went half way into the water and then dove in. As Mikey hit the water, watching as the school of hungry piranha came rushing towards him, for the first time in Mikey's soon-to-be short life, he had a sudden and very clear cognition, a true moment of clarity that was so clear, it almost penetrated the murky depths of the lake - that maybe, just maybe, people were right about him.
Somewhere, the ghost of Derek McDravis was laughing.
Go to Chapter 13
Feedback, as usual, is welcome
Tags: cannibal fic
Current Mood: hopeful
34 Spankings —
( 34 Spankings — Spank the Elf )
jillapet on September 9th, 2006 03:46 am (UTC)
YES! YOU KILLED MIKEY!!!
With pirahna! I am SO proud of you. I need an icon.
Yeah, Brian thought, but his had names and social security numbers.
BWAAAHHHAAA!!!
You are my hero. Wanna make out?
slave_o_spike on September 9th, 2006 05:28 am (UTC)
That is probably the most enticing offer I've had all day. Okay.
And we have a story with carnivorous people so in keeping with the theme, we needed carnivorous fish.
More on Mikey to come soon...
goddesstar on September 9th, 2006 03:56 am (UTC)
LMAO!! This was too funny! Great job with this much anticipated chapter! Karma is definitely a BITCH! Looking forward to the next chapter.
-Cyndy
I've always thought karma was a bitch - but I love it when it works in my favor. LOL!
More to come soon!
herberta2006 on September 9th, 2006 04:14 am (UTC)
This was undoubtedly the best thing ever!! Brian wanting not to turn Justin into sausage, hot kitchen!sex, and Mikey being dumb enough to dive into the pirhana-filled lake. My roommate is staring at me I'm laughing so hard. Love it!!
I love when people tell me how they're reading and laughing so hard their significant other (or insignificant other as the case may be) is looking at them rather strangely. LOL!
And I hope the sex was hot (I'm becoming more brave the more porn I write).
charlie_jae on September 9th, 2006 04:53 am (UTC)
THE FUCKER DOVE IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMGOMG OMGOMG HE DOVE IN!
WTF... no freakin' way, omg...
I see I have you speechless (sort of).
Yes, the stupid fucker dove in.
But its Mikey...
xnickstax on September 9th, 2006 06:37 am (UTC)
I love you so much right now!!!!
Not only did you update this but Mikey got eaten by piranhas LMFAO crack doesn't get better than that..
slave_o_spike on September 9th, 2006 11:45 pm (UTC)
Mikey being eaten by pirahnas...
I don't think that was EVER in any of the Mikey-hate fics.
I'm really feeling the love right now.
paddies on September 9th, 2006 11:49 am (UTC)
OMG most hilarious thing in the history of ever. :D:D:D:D
See, we all know of the stupidity that is Mikey, Cowlip just never knew it though.
And in answer to your question about Christian Troy?
Abso-fucking-lutely!
Only I couldn't see Justin fucking Christian but more of Brian fucking Christian and Christian fucking Justin OR....
Double Penetration anyone? BOTH Brian and Christian fucking Justin.
ladooshka on September 9th, 2006 01:51 pm (UTC)
Woo hoo! A continuing! ))
It was so clever of Justin to make Mickey to dive in that water! And Mickey being such a brat and stupid just did what he wanted for Justin! )))
So Brian is in love with Justin! I am glad! Love you crack!fic so much!)))
Of course Brian is in love with Justin! Was there ever any doubt (just like we all knew in Season 1).
And yeah, Mikey is really rather stupid and pathetic - all he needed was a little goading by Justin, NOT THAT JUSTIN KNEW HE GOADING, and in Mikey went!
Plop - Splash - GONE!
Thank you for your support...
Yep, piranha - can you believe it? I have recreated the Amazon forest via the Pitts.
And yay! You thought my kitchen!sex was hot! Double-yay! I've always thought you wrote some of the hottest sex in your fics so this is truly a compliment.
(Unless of course you're humoring me...)
wowkelseysgreat on September 9th, 2006 03:32 pm (UTC)
oooo well I'm sad that Mikey is going to die. That is kinda upsetting. Of course he was stupid enough to get in the water so I guess that's what he gets. I know Mikey's the bad guy, but idk it's kinda sad that he will die. OR maybe Justin will rescue him!!!!!! THAT would be GRRREAT!!!!! Oh well, what ever happens, I can't WAIT for more!!!!!!!!!!
Are you trying to peek at my notes? Hmmm?
Actually, Mikey's not the bad guy - he's just alittle 'off.'
Stay tuned for the next chapter to see how it goes!
firehead30 on September 9th, 2006 06:45 pm (UTC)
oh, and now you have hooked me
I have a list of chores to do, a friend that wants my help and what do I do....start the Cannible Crack!fic.....uggggg must scrub kitchen so I can make preserves today....can I scrub and read crack!fic at the same time.............
Re: oh, and now you have hooked me
The answer to the age old question is...no. You can not read fanfic and do housework at the same time.
I wish you could but alas, no.
I know this is an odd story but it practically writes itself, ya know?
lovinspike247 on September 9th, 2006 08:21 pm (UTC)
WHEEEE! Not only did you kill Mikey, but it was death by piranhas (and stupidness). For that I love you :D
And the kitchen!sex was sooo hot! *Fans self*
Can't wait for more :)
I always get so worried when I write sex because I think I'm shit at it but then again, I am my own worst critic - I still think most of the stuff I've written is shit. So yay that it came at really hot!
People are mixed on the 'me killing Mikey' part - some love me for it and others, although they may not hate me, are sorry to see him dead.
brianswalk on September 9th, 2006 11:12 pm (UTC)
I thought it was so sweet the the (hot) kitchen sex made Brian want to be the artist.
"Everyone has skeletons in their closets, Brian, everyone.'
Laugh out loud funny!
OMG, snort!
And I can't believe I'm actually kind of sad you killed Mikey.
You never hear about Brian wanting to draw or paint Justin - I thought that he would - it always seemed like he wished he could - ya know?
Or maybe I'm reading too much into things again.
Yeah, well Mikey's expendable...
or is he?
(no subject) - brianswalk on September 10th, 2006 01:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
happier_bunny on September 15th, 2006 12:10 am (UTC)
OMG I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I MISSED THIS!!!! thank you for the poke!
lafjdl;jadsfl;jasdfl;jsafjsaljdfjsafdljasfdl;jkas;fjklalsjf;jsafl
I LOVE IT STILL! and MAYBE MORE!
BWHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA...so funny and yet so endearing and yet so twisted. I could not be happier. ;)
I love the way you write...all matter of fact and then bam you pull the rug out with things like this: Ben would hear nothing of it saying that all wildlife would be protected on his watch and that was that, because although Ranger Ben may have been a couple cans short of a six-pack of organic cola, he knew how to fill in paperwork and the lands were now under the government's protection.
It's hysterical and you are very very talented to pull it off so well.
And this was just inspired: And with that, Mikey positioned himself at the log which went half way into the water and then dove in. As Mikey hit the water, watching as the school of hungry piranha came rushing towards him, for the first time in Mikey's soon-to-be short life, he had a sudden and very clear cognition, a true moment of clarity that was so clear, it almost penetrated the murky depths of the lake - that maybe, just maybe, people were right about him.
OMG I can't stop laughing...you're so brilliant. ♥
oh and the sex was so hot cuz it's wrapped up in TEH LOVE!!!!
(no subject) - slave_o_spike on September 15th, 2006 03:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
slave_o_spike on May 25th, 2007 08:18 pm (UTC)
I agree. What you said.
Well, you'll see Mikey's fate in the next chapter. *laughs evilly...again*
And you caught the chap before - with Ethan - right?
adelais_lili on September 4th, 2007 12:16 pm (UTC)
no, Brian thought, not obsession, just convenience Oh, who is he kidding us, or himself. Poor delusional Brian.
stay be mine stay don't leave So sweet, I always wanted Brian to say that to Justin. Poor delusional me. Ahhh.
You DO have something against Mickey. I think that even Brian will be more gentle with Ethan than you are to little Mickey here.
Brian is always delusional about his Justin. (Yes, his Justin).
I'm not that mean to Mikey - but it is fun to do things to him. Look at what I do to Ted! *laughs evilly*