Originally published Friday, January 4, 2019 at 08:42p.m.
It's also a relief to have the traditional holiday music stuffed back into the poisonous mistletoe vault, meaning we'll have to wait nine whole months to hear the same thirty songs sung by the same thirty dead white men. And Nat King Cole.
Apparently Santa had some holes in his bag and a few folks didn't receive the gifts they so richly deserved. A little mistake we would like to rectify here with WILL DURST'S AFTER CHRISTMA$ GIFT WISH LIST.
At least the after-Christmas sales will make the purchasing of said items more "bargainy." And by delaying another week or so, we could dovetail into President's Day sales. What with the government shutdown, every penny saved is a penny earned. Earning a couple hundred or so could buy us a cup of coffee. Not a latte, but still.
For Elon Musk: A year supply of whatever medicine they give kids with Attention Deficit Disorder.
For Mexico President Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador: A wall to control our immigration.
Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed columnist, comic and former sod farmer in New Berlin, Wisconsin. For information, visit willdurst.com.