Aggressive behaviour isn't uncommon in toddlerhood. Find out why it happens and what you can do to help your toddler through what can be a particularly difficult phase in their development.
Where has my cuddly baby gone?
It's actually quite common for some sweet, happy babies to change into demanding, aggressive toddlers when they reach 18-months-to-two years of age. And while this may not be the experience for all kids, it's actually quite developmentally normal for children to begin to test their boundaries from around this age.
Toddlers are experiencing an enormous explosion of brain development, which comes with an increase in independence and personal preferences. Yet they still have a limited understanding of what is happening in the world around them and are challenged and confused by the emotions they feel.
So it's important to remember that these wonderful little beings are quite literally finding their feet for the first time. They're discovering the world around them and learning their place in it. While their mobility may be improving, their ability to communicate isn't necessarily developing at the same rate.
Add the many new and confusing emotions they're experiencing that they have no idea how to manage yet and POW - you've got yourself a punch of 'toddler frustration' that, in some kids, manifests into aggressive behaviours.
What does toddler frustration look like?
Sure, you could blame challenging toddler behaviour on your child's temperament, their emotional immaturity and their social inexperience. But perhaps things are less complicated than that. Your toddler may not be able to verbalise it themselves, but by doing a quick review in the moment when the behaviour is taking place may hold some clues as to why your toddler is acting up.
Is she eating a healthy diet?
Is she out of her usual routine?
All of these issues will directly affect your child's experience and behaviour at any given time.
Let's be honest ... in some instances, it can be downright embarrassing when your child begins to act up and become aggressive towards other kids - or even you.
But put things into perspective: any embarrassment you may feel about your child's behaviour is probably your response to perceived judgement and scorn from other parents rather that you're failing at this parenting gig. And any kind of judgement, either real or perceived, is not healthy or conducive to a positive outcome for anyone.
Rest assured most other parents have some idea of just how challenging this age and stage can be. Your child is certainly not the first to have ever pulled another child's hair or slapped another kid's hand away from a favoured toy, so try not to worry about it and instead focus on your child and how to resolve the situation as quickly and peacefully as possible.
Jump in immediately and take him out of the situation.
Give him time away from play (even just a minute), so that there is consequence for what he's doing. For example - one hit equals no fun time.
Explain that what's he's doing is wrong and why.
Take him back and make him apologise. Even if you have to do it for him (or if he has broken something or made a mess, make him help repair it or tidy up).
How you respond to your child will have a lasting effect on stamping it out. Try not to raise your voice, remain calm and in control and always be clear on what appropriate behaviour should be in that situation. But get your 'patience pants' on ... it may take a few more aggressive incidents before the lesson sinks in.
More often than not, with ongoing guidance, consistency, patience and support from parents and carers, aggressive behaviours phase out as toddlers develop emotionally and become more familiar with social rules and play etiquette.
However, if you're concerned by increasing aggressive behaviour, visit your GP or healthcare professional to get personalised advice.