I know the past can't be changed. I know no one forced me to do what I did, and that is break up my marriage and family. But I now have intense feelings of anger toward the person who pursued me for a relationship while I was married.
I have ended that relationship finally and I want them to acknowledge that what they did was wrong. I know I was wrong too, but this person, who says they are a Christian, won't take any responsibility and, in fact, believes they did the right thing because they felt I wasn't happy in my marriage and they thought they would be better for me.
This enrages me because they had no idea what was happening in my marriage. Yes, my spouse was a jerk to me when they found out I was cheating, but we were fine before that. I suffered, my spouse suffered, my children suffered, my parents suffered.
I lost my dream home. I lost financial security. I lost a standard of living that I worked and saved a long time for and now at age 60, I work for minimum wage, have no savings and a lot of debt. The only happiness in my life is my children. After many years of them hating me, we are now closer than ever.
I feel blessed for that, but I cry myself to sleep every night over the hurt I caused them and everything I've lost. And I can't get over this rage I feel toward this person who ruined my life and my children's lives. Things could have been so different for me and my children if this person had respected my marriage and stayed out of it!
How can I get over this rage that consumes me? I've also started smoking, I don't exercise or eat right or take care of myself. I comfort myself with junk food and have gained 50 lbs. I feel like I'm punishing myself.
Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. I respect your honesty and the clarity of your writing.
1) Do some journaling, in which you express all of your rage and anger at the other person, for all they did to you, and all they took from you. Don't hold back. This is for nobody's eyes but yours.
2) Next, write about what you did. No guilt or self-punishment, just straight-forward, factual acknowledgement of what you did to allow and contribute to the situation.
3) Allow yourself to grieve all that you have lost. It will take some time, but you'll get through it. Read about the stages of grief here.
When you're starting to feel some release and relief through the above exercises, begin a positive journaling process, in which you focus on the goodness and blessings in your life.
This will help, but only if you do the exercises. Keep doing them daily, until you feel some benefit. Then, keep the positive journaling going for the rest of your life.