While I read your Passage, i can only imagine the amount of pain and loss you are going through right now, i am sure you already know that its important for you to rest and eat healthy at this point of time and you must be doing that to physically heal yourself, i also understand your need to vent and talk it out to someone, it definitely is first step to take care of your mind as well, with the anger you might have right now towards your husband, it is amazing to read that you did not hesitate to point of good things that he does for you and you are not only making fair attempts to understand him but also are trying to motivate him with his work.
It is definitely not easy to loose patience and feel the way you do for anybody at your place, specially at the time when you need him as well, it is important that you process your own emotions first, heal completely and then try to explain him your view. To act while you are emotionally charged may end up not working out the way you would wish for, i know it is difficult but we are here to listen and talk to you, feel free to ask for chat or call if you need too.
When it is unreal to expect someone to change their core nature completely , it is definitely possible to help him understand you better and handle things accordingly but all this only once you feel better, like you mentioned he does not express himself much, for all you know he must be processing his own emotions as well, giving him some time and in the meanwhile dealing with your own emotions might help.
like you said you made many attempts to motivate him and also help him understand you, but it dint work out, to reflect what were the ways in which you were trying to communicate it to him, were they all same? sometimes we end up doing the same thing again and again and expect different outcomes, it ends up exhausting our energy and not giving desired result, so learning new ways of communication will help you approach him much better. also talking to him about counselling once current situation resolves might help, here you have assumed he will not agree, might be sharing your idea change his mind.
From what i understand both of you definitely have respect and love for each other, little bit of patience and work from each side will Sure help you spend better lives together, also taking care of your child at this point is important, make sure child is not around while you both have this kind of conversation, children are easily most impacted ones and looses lot in all these.
Hope this helps and you find peace soon.
Feel free to approach again if you need any further help.