As the festive season came to an end, and I was faced with the reality of the year ahead, I felt a little hesitant. The temperatures are over 40 degrees, there has been no decent rain for months, it is hot and windy, dry and dusty, there are already a pile of bills to pay, farmers all around us are gripped in drought, I am stuck inside with two small children trying to stay cool (they have squeaky little voices, they are always hungry and they make masses of mess EVERYWHERE) and after we sat down and wrote our goals for the year ahead I was exhausted and overwhelmed. I bemoaned to a friend "I don't know if I'm looking forward to another year exactly the same as last year, how boring".
Then it all changed, I opened my "Arrow Bone Marrow Transplant Foundation" newsletter and read about how Allan Frenkel underwent treatment for Acute Lymphatic Leukaemia at 18 years old and how the Walk 4 Whit team participated in the City2Surf in memory of Whitney Lane who passed away last year aged 19 years. Now I am praying I have a year exactly the same as last year.
I pray my children continue to grow and learn, to be happy and safe and to be free and spirited. I pray my husband and I continue to be fit and healthy so we can keep working hard to build our dream and laugh and live side by side and take time to enjoy all the special moments shared while we have a young family. I pray I get to keep talking and laughing with my sister and friends and that I keep growing and learning. I pray I have a spiritual and creative year ahead. I want to be softer and kinder to myself and others and now I am excited.
This quick and significant change in my attitude made me realise how easy it is to become a spoilt little toad when we have so much. I have so much of everything; love, food, freedom, time and I still want more of everything, something. I had the hide to say that another perfectly peaceful and happy year would be boring. I kind of want to slap myself.
My theme song for the year is "Let It Be" by the Beatles, every time I try to plan years into the future, or fret about money I am going to sing this song and hopefully relax. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to see how the future will turn out, this has never happened, but so far each time I get to the future it has been more amazing than I could of ever dreamed possible. I need to trust this will continue to be the case.
We watched a movie about magicians the other night and they said the closer you look the less you will see! I think this is true of life, when I look too closely at things, overanalyse thoughts or ideas, think too long about small decisions, try and micromanage each day and force decisions and outcomes, give myself nightmares over things that might not ever happen, then I become blind to the beauty and the gifts right in front of me.
After all the Bible says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths" Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV. I'm going to Let It Be and not keep such a tight grip on this life which is fragile and precious, and see how it all works out :-) Happy New Year!!