Your kid smells. Here's how to address it without making them feel bad about their body
Michelle Spitzer
Got a stinky kid? Here's how to handle it delicately. (Image: Jay Sprogell)
Jaime pulled her 11-year-old son in for a hug, and her nose quickly started to itch.
"I got a whiff of an odor I never smelled before," the mom of two says of her older child. "I know he's getting older, but I was not expecting that."
Jaime, a South Florida mom who prefers only her first name be used to protect her child's identity, says she couldn't help but immediately blurt out what she observed: Her son smelled funky. His response was one of shock and denial.
The often unpleasant scent of maturing quickly sneaks up on many parents and tweens. But how do you tell your preteen or teen they, ahem, stink without taking a shot at their confidence?
Caitlin Long is a certified holistic sex educator and head of curriculum at Sex Positive Families. They advise having the you-aren't-smelling-so-fresh conversation in private so as to not embarrass your child in front of others.
Although they say the conversation may look different for each family, it should start with honesty. Acknowledge that this may be an uncomfortable conversation, but being uncomfortable is OK. Don't start off making assumptions, but rather lead the conversation with questions and curiosity.
"If a child feels called out in a way that leads then to feel like it is about them as a person, that is a problem," Long tells Yahoo Life. "If they begin to think that they themselves are stinky or something is wrong with them or their body, this may cause them to shut down and could negatively impact their self-esteem, relationship to their body and to you as the parents or caregiver."
This is an opportunity to build safe and open communication between parents and children.
"If parents or caregivers want to be seen and understood as someone their child can trust to talk to about their body, it is important that they frame the conversation in a way that helps them understand that bodies smell sometimes to signal that there is a need," Long says. "Just like when clothes smell, it's a signal they need to be washed. Just like when our stomachs growl, it is a signal that there is a need to eat food."
Sticking to the facts is the best way to address the issue, says Dr. Hina Talib, a pediatrician and adolescent medicine specialist, associate professor of pediatrics at Albert Einstein College of Medicine and co-founder of Thread Health, a digital health service for teens and parents. Tweens and teens are usually self-conscious about their bodies already, she notes.
"You don't want to make a teen feel badly about their body changing, which is a natural process," Talib says.
She tells Yahoo Life this is a common topic patients and their parents bring up, and that body odor is actually one of the first signs of puberty.
"Having body odor and noticing it is a hallmark of starting puberty," Talib says. "How we react to it, that can be something that has room for improvement so it doesn't feel so contentious."
Like Long, Talib suggests leading with curiosity to find solutions. For example, through a simple conversation you may find out your child is so tired when it's time for their morning shower, and that may be be better off showering in the evening. Or you may hear something you weren't expecting.
"Sometimes when teens are very sad or anxious one of the things we do see is they have a hard time taking care of their bodies," Talib says. "Make a plan on how they will take care of themselves and then check in once a week. Be a support, a cheerleader."
It can also be helpful to share books, websites or YouTube videos that talk about the responsibility of good hygiene, whether that be regular bathing with soap and shampoo, wearing clean clothes or wearing deodorant. The whole process is easier if the practice of good hygiene is an expectation before it becomes an issue.
"When children are starting to bathe themselves independently, it's important to have them practice taking care of their body by taking regular showers and using soap in their underarms even before they need it," Talib says.
Any soap is better than no soap, although, exceptions should be made for sensitive skin. Deodorant also is a good option, however, Talib recommends saving antiperspirant for teens rather than tweens.
Talking with your child's pediatrician is a good idea when coming up with a hygiene plan. It's also important to include your child in whatever decisions are made.
"Let them be part of the solution [and decide] what they want to try next and how they want to solve this problem of how B.O. [body odor] is noticed," Talib says.
Wellness, parenting, body image and more: Get to know the who behind the hoo with Yahoo Life's newsletter. Sign up here.
Aussie fisherman's disturbing find after reeling in stingray
Rita Ora stuns fans as she performs in sheer latex dress: 'Glowing'
Russia claims village on outskirts of Bakhmut
Russia has claimed to have captured a village just to the north of Bakhmut, a city it is trying to surround in a major push for what would be its biggest battlefield prize in Ukraine in months.A Belarusian volunteer fighting for Ukraine told Reuters from inside Bakhmut that Russian forces were shelling the city constantly and its troops were trying to encircle it.
Wall Street has risen as wage growth data indicated that the Federal Reserve's aggressive approach to taming inflation is taking hold ahead of a decision by the central bank while gains on the Dow were limited by weak earnings updates.US labour costs increased at their slowest pace in a year in the fourth quarter as wage growth slowed, bolstering expectations of the Fed slowing the pace of its interest rate increases.
Baby Boomers most likely to create electric car boom
Interest in electric vehicles is rising in Australia and Baby Boomers have become the most likely generation to buy one of the next-generation vehicles, according to new research.The survey of 1040 Australian drivers found electric cars had become the third most sought-after vehicle in Australia in 2022, after family and economical models, with older drivers narrowly overtaking Gen Z to become the most likely group to buy one.
Glowing material may cut out internal stitches
A new glowing medical material is being touted as a promising alternative to mesh implants and internal stitches.Researchers at Melbourne's RMIT University developed the antimicrobial suture material using a combination of iodine and tiny nanoparticles called carbon dots.
PM wants 'full solutions' to Alice Springs crime crisis
A review of potential alcohol bans to address surging youth crime in Alice Springs will be presented to federal and territory governments after tough takeaway restrictions were put in place.Prime Minister Anthony Albanese met with Northern Territory Chief Minister Natasha Fyles last week on new measures to curb anti-social behaviour in the red centre.
Former minister Tudge to appear at robodebt commission
Former Liberal minister Alan Tudge will testify on his involvement overseeing robodebt to the royal commission examining the scheme.Mr Tudge, who was human services minister between 2016 and 2017, will be the third former minister to be questioned at the inquiry into the unlawful Centrelink debt recovery program.
Australians roll up their sleeves for cancer patients
Australians have one more reason to roll up their sleeves in February, with a free designer bandage given to those who donate blood for cancer patients.Fashion designer Camilla Franks has teamed up with Lifeblood to create the limited edition bandage ahead of World Cancer Day on Saturday.
Pressure builds to ditch tax cuts in next budget
Welfare advocates are putting a spotlight on the federal government's planned tax cuts for the wealthy, urging them to be scrapped in favour of lifting the rate of JobSeeker and other support payments.Anglicare Australia has released its submission to the government ahead of the May budget, renewing its call to lift the rate of JobSeeker and other key payments.
Reserve Bank, business to front cost of living inquiry
The role of the central bank, supermarkets and energy companies in the cost of living crisis will be scrutinised at a parliamentary hearing.The Senate committee on the cost of living will hear from the Reserve Bank, Woolworths, energy companies and welfare groups on Wednesday.
Cardinal Pell lies at cathedral as controversy lingers
Cardinal George Pell's body will lie in state at Sydney's St Mary's Cathedral as child sexual abuse survivors tie ribbons on the fence to remind the public of clergy abuse.The 81-year-old former archbishop of Melbourne and Sydney died in a Rome hospital last month from heart complications following hip surgery and was given a traditional cardinal's funeral by the Vatican at St Peter's Basilica.
Rooftop solar, savings and compost cut carbon footprint
What Australians believe are the best actions they can take to reduce their carbon footprint are not necessarily the most effective.A report from investment manager Australian Ethical, drawing on research by the UTS Business School and Lonergan Research, shows how people could better use their time, money and energy.
Raising the roof for more female trade apprentices
Dressed in high-vis and working on a roof, Meliha Birkett is the one per cent.She is one of roughly 65 female roof tilers in Australia, among 6500 people employed in the trade.
Home values slide further but regions prove resilient
The housing market fell another one per cent in January, with the major cities still leading the downturn.CoreLogic's home value index shows ongoing resilience in regional areas despite fewer people moving out of cities, and the massive pandemic upswing in the regions eroding much of the affordability advantage.
Lebanon to devalue currency by 90 pct: central bank
Lebanon will adopt a new official exchange rate of 15,000 pounds per US dollar on February 1, central bank governor Riad Salameh says, marking a 90 per cent devaluation from its current official rate that has remained unchanged for 25 years.The shift from the old rate of 1507 to 15,000 is still far off the parallel market, where the pound was changing hands at about 57,000 per US dollar on Tuesday.
Italy faces attacks by global anarchists: minister
Italian embassies all over the world are at risk of anarchist attacks linked to the case of the hunger-striking Alfredo Cospito, Foreign Minister Antonio Tajani says.Cospito, 55, is an Italian anarchist who has been on a hunger strike for more than 100 days to protest against being jailed under the strict "41 bis" isolation regime.
Pope condemns 'greed' stoking conflict in DR Congo
Pope Francis has denounced the "poison of greed" for mineral resources driving conflict in Democratic Republic of Congo as he began a visit there, saying the rich world could no longer ignore the tragic plight of many African countries.The 86-year-old Francis is the first pontiff to visit DR Congo since John Paul II in 1985, when it was still known as Zaire.
US, UK, Canada, Australia plan new sanctions on Myanmar
The United States will impose further sanctions on Myanmar, according to a US Treasury Department statement seen by Reuters, marking the two-year anniversary of the coup in partnership with US allies.The US will impose sanctions on the Union Election Commission, mining enterprises, energy officials and current and former military officials, according to the statement.
Distraught relatives have thronged hospitals in Pakistan's Peshawar to look for their kin a day after a bombing ripped through a crowded mosque in a heavily fortified area of the city, killing 100 people, mostly policemen.The attack, in the Police Lines district, was the deadliest in a decade to hit the northwestern city near the Afghan border and comes amid a surge in violence against the police.