"There are, it seems, two muses: the Muse of Inspiration, who gives us inarticulate visions and desires, and the Muse of Realization, who returns again and again to say "It is yet more difficult than you thought." This is the muse of form.
Fatigue and sore joints linger as I slowly reclaim my normal life 'after dengue.' Painting presents some new challenges; one is an unpredictable shake that suddenly takes control of my hand and then vanishes just as quickly. I ignore it and assume it will eventually grow bored and vanish. The fatigue affects my ability to stick with the painting, and after an hour's session, I usually stop and rest for another hour. The birds provide excellent distraction for those commercial breaks.
Painting this watercolor has been work. It has also provided a necessary discipline for me to show up for work even if I feel like playing hooky. I stare at the painting and nudge myself to move forward. Losing electricity hasn't helped, but I moved my work area to a window and cut fresh flowers for reference.
The first few sessions were brief, and I realized that I was not as strong as I thought!
We were without power all day Saturday and most of Sunday. Building a bit more physical strength, I squeezed in several painting sessions and then slept for ten hours. While painting on Sunday night, we lost power again; that's one way to stop progress on a painting! On Monday morning, I could not find the painting. I eventually found it propped on a shelf, where I had critiqued it the night before by candle light.
The painting and I have argued a lot; I was unable to access the reference photos. The colors seemed wrong, and I could not find any remnants of dead butterflies in the yard on on the road. "Does it REALLY matter?" I asked myself. "Of course not.. just paint…" I worked from memory and darkened some areas of the wing and focused on meticulous details.
Little by little the painting gains depth.
Using fresh foliage for reference, I floated in the subtle shapes of the secondary cast while pondering how to work in the background colors — or to take an easier option and leave the background white. My fatigue prompted me to leave it white, but a more-stubborn part nudged me to keep working.
The yellows looked too anemic, and the butterfly seemed too pale. I added a deeper wash on the butterfly's wings on Monday or Tuesday. The second yellow flower was too strong in color, and it needed to fade into the background. My attempts made it look muddy. Each day the power was off during the daytime and was back on around sunset. I looked at the images on the computer and promptly scrubbed the darker color from the butterfly's wings. I knocked over containers of water. The jar of brushes fell to the floor.
The dark reds stained the paper, so the colors did not lift 'back' to the lighter orange. There are more washes to apply to the background areas, which will give more depth.
Wendell Berry's words gave me comfort, and they will help me bring this watercolor study to an end. The painting will forever be special, however, as it represents my road to recovery from dengue – and perhaps from chikungunya as well.
"It hurts to know you're in pain.
Who has the energy of a 17Yr old..
I wondered if I should share the negative side of painting, but I realized that it's important for others to know that we all have days when things don't work out as we'd hoped. We have self doubt and we question our choices. And sometimes a professional artist creates some duds. So here I am, hobbling along physically and at times with inner struggles as I find my way back to good health.
For sure, we'll keep walking thru hell, even if it's a hobble from ankles that don't want to flex!
Hello, nice to "meet" you! Your work is lovely and I appreciate you showing the beginning to the end painting project, it really puts things into perspective. I'm no artist (my daughter is aspiring to be) but I do know that we all have those moments of ups and downs, self-doubt and so on but it is important to persevere and push through. Have a blessed day!
thanks for your comment and for the vote of support. yes, we do have those times of self doubt, and they remind us that we're all a bit fragile at times.
tell your daughter to practice practice practice, and to never let her left brain intimidate the right one!
I was trying to post on some of your past postings about the dengue/chikv but it wouldn't let me. Anyway, I just wanted to say I hope you are finally getting better and are on the mend. It seems to be a nasty disease that hangs around forever and is exhausting. Prayers to you, dear!
Thank you; I'm not sure what the problem might be with the comments, aside from WP glitches.
Let's see if I have this right. Your hand is shaking from the after effects of a serious sickness and your electricity went out. And yet you created a beautiful work of art. You ARE Superwoman!! Let's hope the "dengue" leaves you alone from now on!
Wendell Berry's words are indeed inspiring. As is your determination, Z. Seeing your painting grow in depth and colour is like watching you gain strength and vibrancy. Maybe you are not fully healed yet but you are well on the way. Your painting says so. Hugs.
I replied to your comment, but who knows where it went. Perhaps it's hitching a round-the-world tour of the world on the magic carpet?
Well, this comment has arrived! Glad my post made you feel hungry. That's a good sign of your recovery, too.
Thanks, Lynn! I wondered if it had flown away when I couldn't find the painting!\\I look forward to when I can flit and fly without having to pay for it a few hours later via exhaustion!
You're last paragraph says it all. Not everything we undertake is easy, nor comes out as planned on the first try. But our best works often result from those we've struggled with the longest, the ones that proved most difficult, even discouraging at times. Well done Lisa, and we all are your biggest fans.
thanks for your kind words, and you surely understand the self doubt when you switch from what works well to a new style or design with your cutting boards. do people say that th boards are too prettty to use? many people do not want to walk on a hand-painted floor, but that's part of its beauty – that it's functional as well as comforting to the sense of sight and touch.
I actually have a banner that calls out my "Functional Kitchen Art," to emphasize the art of the work. In responding to the "too pretty" comment, I suggest that on can display one side of the board, and use the other, or go ahead and display it as that it were similar as the art in their other rooms. As an artist of the fine magnitude you are, I'm sure you'd appreciate the looks of awe and recognition I get in response.
I'm an old retired guy that is just learning the lessons of art you've known your whole life. One is that art can take many, many forms, including a functional tool such as a cutting board.
Thanks for the great comment and I'm so happy you are on the mend!
It's been a long haul for you Z, taking both physical and mental strength to get through this period. I'm sending you big hugs from TX my friend, that you continue to fully recover. Your painting is a testament to the master artist that you are, bringing the human side to your work and letting us see and understand the limitations brought upon by this terrible illness. For what the viewer sees is nothing short of a stunning work of art.
Take good care Z – I worry about your care and hope you are eating well, knowing sleep is not an issue. Stay positive my friend, continue the fight you are almost back.
I am eating very well – thank you so much for your concern! today i wondered if the shaky hand might be low blood sugar, though i am eating well, the symptoms are similar.. i plan to go to the clinic the next time i get the shaky hands and check the bp, pulse, etc and see if anyone else has this side effect.
haven't peeked to see what blanca's doing today, but i suspect that many of the gulf-coast areas will be getting rain in a few days.. hope all is going ok in your area of tx.
It might be good for you if you could put your hands on a battery-powered blood pressure machine that provides pulse as well as bp. Then, if you're feeling woozy or lightheaded, or have those strange feelings that a low or high pulse rate can bring, you could check it right there at home. They're sturdy, functional little machines. I still have the one Mom used, so it's probably 9-10 years old. It uses four AA batteries, and never has had a problem.
If nothing else, you could create a record of symptoms/readings that might be of use to the clinic workers.
Hi Z, the lakes are at and over (in some cases) capacity, except in West Texas – some flooding has occurred and they are trying to release the water at a speed to not flood those down stream. Hope the clinic can get to the bottom of your shaky hands and low blood pressure. Take care and hope this week you continue to recover gaining strength.
thanks for the update i hope that the waters continue to go down slowly and no one downstream is affected.
a friend gave me a ride to town (problems at el matal/tides/waves) and he said that his father has the shaky-hand side effect. whew.
i think i'll start sending the magic carpet every week to pick up 'tasty tuesday' to go… i'm not strong enough for the trip, but hey, it's a magic carpet so maybe that's just what i need!
🙂 I would love to come to see you with food in hand!
thanks.. i'm grateful for all sources of that healing energy. the more the better. thank you so much!
I think you have made incredible progress, especially considering the dengue.It's coming along beautifully.
I'll accept/absorb all external power sources!! Thanks!
you have made a beautiful work of art in spite of all the obstacles. You are an inspiration. Keep getting well!
Whatever your struggles, and clearly there were many, the painting is beautiful!
Thank you; I'm glad that you like the progress of the painting.
it/ the painting surely holds the subtle record of my struggles to get well.
It is ok to let us know you are having a tough time.
Because you show us how to keep busy and not give in.
The blue back ground was needed against the warm colours.
and regardless of setbacks you did a beautiful painting.
I love the way you show us the progression of the painting and how under your perseverance it slowly comes to life. Take it easy on your self, take the time out to just watch your beautiful wild life on the river and give your body time to fully recover.
That Berry quotation is one of my favorites. It always reminds me of the small stream that formed and flowed from three springs up in the hill country. Had it not been for the rocks in the stream bed, that faint, lovely song never would have existed.
And I know everyone has said it, but I'll say it again: recovery takes time. And when you're already depleted (from dengue, or whatever), every other insult, like poor internet connections or power loss, become even greater drains on your energy.
hey amiga, and thank you.. i so love your posts, and the recent ones abotu the camels have been very interesting… i have been reading some articles about 'dengue/chikungunya and found out that most likely new orleans had a chikunguna outbreak in the 1800's… research is fascnating, isn't it?
will share more soon.. am at el matal (sitting down) and watching another surrprise attack from the ocean. it's not pretty.
ps.. i miss seeing your comments at times on wunderground/tropical, but then there are some personalties there now that make is not so 'professional' regarding the weather.
Thanks for sharing the rocky journey of a master craftsman. (And, no, I don't mean to say that you are "crafting" I mean to use that word as I would in reference to Pablo Neruda or Michelangelo.) If creating brilliant art were easy, we wouldn't need artists to glorify our existence.
I hope you won't judge your butterfly too harshly. If you must, put it in a closet and don't come back to it for a few months…when you are feeling stronger and more clear headed.
And keep allowing yourself to rest. Perhaps the Dengue came to you just so your body could get the vital rest it needed.
you have my sympathy.. remember when i painted so much that my shoulder 'froze' with bursitis? thankfully doc tangri (applied kinesiology) put it back in place in like five minutes.
really bad prbs at el matal.. am there/here now after photographing this morning's high tides/waves.