This afternoon I read a great article from Still Standing Magazine about saying no. It talked about not worrying about others perceptions of you and your grief, and being bold enough to say no to anything that is too much for you.
It was a fantastic article with a great message, but here is my question, how do you say no to the things that the world requires of you?
Well, I have the answer, you can't, because the world moves on even when we don't want to or don't know how. I can't say no to getting up and going to work everyday, cleaning the house (I can stretch that for awhile, but major dirt puts me more over the edge than I was to begin with), or buying food. These are necessities that even at my worst I can't avoid, at least not for as long as I might like to. No matter how badly I want to stay in my pajamas and sit on the couch the world won't let me, and I'm a little irritated about that. So much for all the nonsense about not letting anyone put a timeline on your grief. I feel like the world has moved on and is telling me, get up, get out there, be okay. So, I get up, do my job, do fairly okay at being "fine", come home, and start all over again the next day.
Have you ever seen a scene in a movie or tv show when someone is standing in a city and everything around them is blurring by at super speed? That is what it feels like. I am stuck standing still, hyper aware of everything around me, while the world continues to rush by at crazy speeds.
I will end this by sharing that Britt and I are going to start seeing a grief counselor. I think that seeing her will give us some good tools to help deal with our grief, especially as the difficult holiday season approaches. For me I almost feel like the grief is getting harder rather than easier to bear, so I am looking forward to having someone who knows what they are talking about to offer some support.
I'm really glad you're going to start seeing a grief counselor. Not because I deem it necessary, but because it is something you have thought of as an opportunity/resource. I'm glad you're following your instincts. I have been seeing a counselor for a while and have really benefited from it (even though I'm a trained psychologist myself and I know what they're doing lol it has still helped me). I think i waited too long to start seeing one and I wish I hadn't waited years later. I'm proud of you! Keep going when you can and sleep when you need to. Mental health days are a real thing; use them girl!