A lot has happened since I blogged last. In part I of this blog, "Exploring the World Within" I was a bit stressed. I was very afraid of the future because it seemed like all my career goals were slipping away from me. I thought I "had" to rely on others so I could be successful in life.
However, over the March Break my perception was changed and as a result I started to plant the seeds of my dreams and rooting them into reality. I put together a resume (I didn't have one yet). I also entered a modeling contest, I filled out a modeling application for Gemini Modeling Agency and Los Angeles said they might sponsor me, they'll help "The Life" (the TV pilot I wrote) be produced. Plus I have teamed up with New Thought Media to work at making Humanity. After planting these seeds I went to Cuba with my family.
Cuba was a much needed and appreciated retreat where I was mostly carefree. I just sat by the pool all week soaking up Vitamins D and R. I was having so much fun I loathed to leave Cuba! My family and I were relaxing in Cuba from the 20th of March to the 27th. Cuba's mood is very relaxed and flowing which is the opposite of Canada's general cluttery mood.
Now that I am back in Canada I find myself feeling very agitated again which makes me realize how sensitive I really am to my environments. The witnessing of the transformation of my seeds into beautiful trees is helping to calm me down some though.
I caught a glimpse of this message and thought I'd channel it fully so I could share it with ya all. Loneliness is something I experience a lot; at least once a day in fact. I keep trying to find stuff that will fill the hole I feel within myself though the fillers never stick.
Society, generally speaking, keeps us so busy and distracted by external forces with topics such as climate change, 2012 and our current economical and environmental problems that we don't or at least very rarely look within ourselves. Not to say that these topics are invalid because I do feel a degree of truth in them however we have been led to believe that the external world is more real and reliable than the internal one. We immerse ourselves in the external world and sometimes end up forgetting the connection with our selves, higher selves, Source, Gaia and what have you. That unawareness of our connection leads to feelings of loneliness and separation.
Feelings of loneliness and separation opens the door for fear and other low vibrational emotions. So in order to re-balance our lower and higher vibrational emotions (because it is important to have both types of emotions), every once and awhile we must stop and listen to our inspiration and intuition. When we pause, take in each moment and let our inspiration and intuition guide us we will realize that we are never truly alone.
I was thinking and exploring the world within myself and I came to the following realizations. The fear of failure is still very present in my experience. Also if I was to express the true nature of myself no matter the situation that would solve a lot of my problems.
There is a part of me that is scared shitless that people will be right about me not succeeding in having my dream life. I have big goals and aspirations in life and I am not sure how to go about achieving them, though at the same time I know that I won't give up. I can't give up. What's the point of living if you are not happy and living your dreams?
I'm almost done high school then I want to get out and live my life! I am really tired of pursuing things and getting halfway there. September 14th, 2009 my dad drove me to my first audition with Jigsaw Casting Company. I didn't get the part that I was auditioning for though I had other calls that I was unable to attend because I had no way there. (This happens a lot). It's so frustrating and another thing that is frustrating is trying to make my movie by myself.
It took me a little over an hour to write these last few paragraphs. I type so slow! I do want help with my movie so with love, I'm sending out the call again and try to remain positive.
A friend asked me did I really think that I would be left out in the lurch. He said if I was happy and doing what I love I would attract people to help me so I will try to trust that. In part II I will document my progress and success in regards to achieving my goals.