Spitz: Can Ken win back Barbie?
Julia Spitz/Daily News staff
Tomorrow marks Ken's self-imposed deadline for getting Barbie back into his arms - provided, of course, someone moves his arms for him.
No one knows exactly what Ken's been doing since he and his girlfriend of 40-plus years broke up in 2004. Maybe he finally worked out whatever he needed to work out with G.I. Joe.
Ken is the original Stedman Graham to Barbie's Oprah, always the subject of scurrilous rumors, always in the shadow of his wildly overachieving girlfriend.
In any event, Ken thinks he has turned a corner and turned a page. The dapper doll has turned to the Internet and a no-holds-barred media blitz to woo back the wasp-waisted fashionista. He's even claiming he saw her profile on match.com. (Say, Barbie, what's up with that? Who did you think would be your perfect match? Buzz Lightyear? Mr. Potato Head?)
Anyway, he's apparently trying to show he's a whole new kind of guy, a happening dude comfortable with technology. Which does represent a sea-change for the 12-inch man-toy best known for looking pretty darned square in his swim trunks and Hawaiian shirt-jacket straight out of "Beach Blanket Bingo."
But he hasn't learned as much as he should have if he's pinning all his hopes on Valentine's Day.
Yes, it's the day we celebrate romance with lots and lots of retail therapy - and we know retail therapy appeals to Barbie in a big way - but there's more to making a relationship work than showering a gal with baubles and chocolate. Even if the chocolate never does go to her hips.
Ken, stop obsessing over one overhyped holiday and take a look at some real role models. You're going with the old-fashioned Prince Charles-Princess Diana playbook when you should be playing it cool like Prince William and Kate Middleton.
Since they're not married yet, it's hard to say Wills and Kate are a perfect match, but they seem to have more going for them than just looking good in clothes. Relationships need more substance than style. Not that you don't fill out your little tux nicely, Ken.
Of course, relationships aren't one-size-fits-all. Some couples need to be together 24/7, some prefer giving one another plenty of room to pursue their dreams.
The thing is, you've got to have a solid base to build on, and I'm not talking about the metal stand behind your back when you're in a display case next to Sparkle Wedding Day Bride Barbie.
I'm talking about the mettle to stay together, no matter what life throws you.
Like Gomez and Morticia Addams. Their life was a little chaotic, n'est-ce pas? But even with Cousin Itt, Uncle Fester, Wednesday, Pugsley, Lurch and Thing lurking about, it was as if there was no one else in the room once "Tish" spoke French.
And Blondie and Dagwood. For Pete's sake, they've been together since 1930 and still going strong. At least in some newspapers. You think it's easy having a husband addicted to mammoth sandwiches during the Great Depression? And teenagers who take six decades to grow up?
Homer and Marge Simpson have weathered similar problems. Smart as Lisa is, she's been in second grade for 20 years, and Bart and Maggie haven't made any progress either. That's got to wear on a couple after awhile. And yet Homer and Marge seem to take it in stride, even if her sisters don't approve of the match. They're practically a middle-aged Romeo and Juliet. Minus the death scenes.
But you don't have to turn to fictional couples or royals for inspiration.
There are plenty of real-life folks who know there's more to this love thing than impressing the significant other on Valentine's Day.
A recent Valentine-themed poll put Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes on a Top 10 list of "Best Couples," but for the most part, you'll find more true-to-life role models in cartoons than with Hollywood types who turn up in the tabloids each week.
I'm thinking of Arizona Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and her husband, Capt. Mark Kelly, whose amazing love story is being tested in ways none of us could ever envision when we take those "in good times and in bad" vows.
I have a feeling if you asked either of them how much flowers, jewelry or even a big, splashy declaration of their love means in their relationship, you'd learn a lot.
Love isn't about an ad campaign or trinkets.
No two couples are exactly alike, and yet those worth emulating do have a lot in common - things like mutual respect, deep faith in one another, and the hard-earned wisdom to weather life's storms.
Does that sound like Barbie to you?
I wish you luck in your quest, Ken, but maybe it's time you gave Midge a chance.
(Julia Spitz can be reached at 508-626-3968 or jspitz@cnc.com. Read the Spitz Bits blog at http://blogs.wickedlocal.com/spitzbits.)