I hire people armed with blow guns full of amnesic darts to wait in all the nearby bathrooms for you. I send you to the bathroom with a Laxative Prank.
And now I shall feed the Sarlaac with Donald Trump and everyone who voted for him, even if they regret voting for him!
I shall come in and save the day! ...After you throw Trump in.
I hate tacos and burritos! I shall destroy every single one of them!
I'm gonna show only The Emoji Movie to all theatres in the WORLD!!!! BWAH-HA-HA-HA!!!
I'll make sure EVERYONE things that the Emoji movie is not only terrible, but not worth their time even for ironic purposes!
I'm going to force those starving kids in africa to watch Epic Meal Time!
You monster! Off to the gallows with you!
I'm going to make EVERYONE believe it's not butter.
Everyone realises you didn't actually foil Jax's plan and dismisses you as a liar.
I'm going to attack a historically oppressed group and use modern progressive language to make it sound like it's a good idea!
I make sure the rest of the world doesn't buy it, and your killed by A SEAL team.
I'm going to tell people that Wal-Mart's prices ARE SUITABLE AT BEST.
I sue you because "Wal-Mart's prices are very cheap!"
I, as usual, correct you mercilessly. If you refuse to learn... I'll probably just ignore you, as will most of the world.
I'll shove a cubic meter of Phazon up everyone's orifices, excluding my own. Then I'll eat the remaining Phazon in order to become their ruler, thereby taking over the world!
Here at the SCP Foundation, we deal with Phazon the same way we deal with Orochi: Tell everybody how much of a bad idea this is gonna be, confiscate the Phazon from everyone, including you, and then launch it into the sun.
Speaking of the Foundation, I think it would be a good idea to release that "unkillable gator" thingy (682) from containment and bring it back to it's Everglades habitat. What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
You get denied by the O-5 council, and are reassigned as D-Class. Have fun!
I shall turn all the players in TF 2 into Friendlies!
Tf 2 would be discontinued before you can do it.
I earn one million dollars.
I get extremely angry, causing me to attack you with the Fan Blade Of Not Posting Spam.
I'll ask the next poster to prove that they exist. The resulting existential crisis will drive them insane.
I'm Too Dumb to Fool, I prove my existence by punching you in the mouth.
A runabout! I'll steal it! No one will ever know!
You end up alerting the entire neighborhood, and are promptly taken down by a SWAT team.
The UN easily pays the 15 trillion dollars, adding 15 trillion dollars to the global debt.
I will make all banks go bankrupt!
I dump some Spam in the ocean, causing all the ocean animals to get sick and die (because I do this every Monday), causing there to be more oxygen in the world, and making the bugs bigger, scaring everyone I hate.
I tell you that's not how science works before attacking you with the Fan Blade Of Accurate Science.
I'll take all the trash in space and throw it into the moon all at once! The force should be enough to move it slightly. Repeat for the next too many years, and disrupt the day-night cycle!
I'll figure out how you moved all the trash to the moon and put you there.
I'm going to give people milk that was opened more than 7 days ago! Mwahahaha!
I had stuck it in the refrigerator the day it was opened, and if it was spoiled by time for you to take it out, i threw it away!
I shall infect Joel's Real PC with Bonzify!
I download Norton Anti-Virus. Bye bye, Bonzi Buddy!
I will steal a blind girl's handbag, forcing her seeing-eye dog to chase after me, leaving her all alone in the city.
I help her to find you by chasing you with a are and slamming you with it, then return her belongings and call the police, while also petting her good guide doggo.
I just so happen to be mopping the floor. Oops, I forgot to put "Wet Floor" signs on your escape route! You slip and fall and drop your illicit cargo.
I have perfected an airborne Hate Plague. I shall start the worldwide epidemic by releasing my first sample into Donald Trump, since it won't change his behavior, thus giving the virus more time to hide and incubate!
Nobody goes near him anyway. People build a resistance before it has a chance to spread.
I will thoughtlessly pet service dogs, distracting them from the task they perform for their owner.