There has never been a time in history where men are expected to be everything a man used to be and at the same time fulfill the many demands of today's fast paced world in which they have to up their game in order to feel a sense of belonging, emotionally connected, loved, accepted and unleash their greatness that is within that is essential to living an Influential Gentleman's life.
You may have noticed how the changes and the vast amount of information we are subjected in our daily lives influence our behaviors, thoughts, emotions, and daily habits.
How in the last 20 years there has been an exponential rise in helping women cope with these fast shifts, demands and the changes that come from living in the 21st century. Yet, how there are only few good quality programs out there that help men through those changes that come from living in the 21st century in which in order to be loved, successful and claim a social status they are expected to dress like JFK, speak like Alan Watts, lead lice Lincoln, work out like a Spartan, forgive like Mandela and party like Sinatra.
Whether we admit it or not, we have become like commodities, we are being measured by how well we dress, how successful we are, how well we cope with change, emotions, and our ability to adapt and resolve complex problems fast.
So how do we then rise to this level of evolution where we as men thrive, feel secure in ourselves, are breadwinners, love ourselves and are emotionally balanced, stable, and mature?
Imagine what your life would be like if you learnt how to truly unleash your potential?
Inside of ourselves there is everything we want: strength, conviction, love, depth, solidarity, decision, focus, confidence, and sheer determination in the loud, ringing tone which punctuates their delivery.
So what makes us access our own greatness?
You may think now, if it was so easy everyone would do it. .... But, really why don't they?
It took me years to accept and acknowledge me and that each person is unique, unique in their set of values, experiences, thoughts they generate, beliefs they have, and the filters that sort out the billions of bits of information that we receive through our five senses each and every day.
Having worked with thousands of clients to help them in their journey to unlock their true potential in 8 key areas of life: emotional, physical, spiritual, mental, love, relationship, business and financial, I found that the words " When the time is right", "Its hard", "I WILL" , "I Won't" and " I Can't" were what stopped them from living in the present and unlocking their true potential.
I spend years in living in the past or in the future, I learned the art of living in the present and now help others in their journey to minimise their time thinking about the past or future and focus them in the present moment.
Journey within is about helping you to transform your psyche, your emptions, your spirit and embrace the art of transparent communication.
What do I mean Journey Within? Let me start with one of my favourite quotes from Dalai Lama: " The transformational transparent conversations we record offer you the opportunity to listen to powerful dialogues full of life wisdom and insights from all my guests which support and empower you to embrace change and move through your fears to experience new perspectives, new ways of seeing and engaging with the world."
In 2008 I went through massive changes in my life, personal as well as professional life. Having been made redundant i spent some time to think, evaluate my life and the direction i wanted to take. I noticed within myself that I was predominately functioning from a foundation of lies and fear. I realised that I was lying to me, my family about the man i was, i was living in fear about being truthful about who i was. I was living two worlds, in one i was the "straight loving son" and in the other " i was the gay man living and enjoying life to the fullest", because of my fear i created two separate personalities each requiring a lot of energy to manage.
A journey within is about connecting to the full essence of what it means to be a human being. It's about taking responsibility to look within yourself and inquire into the deepest questions you have about your unique indescribable gift of life. It's about truth and no longer upholding lies within and without.
When we observe within we often notice we are functioning from unconscious actions and using old operating systems in the way we view the world. It's not easy reprogramming conditioned habits and addictions. It's not easy taking responsibility for our actions.
I love nothing more than transparently sharing the insights I have picked up through direct experience to support others to thrive and blossom while I know this serves the evolution of humanity.
This post is written for Gaydio and to help its listeners to help them overcome post Easter holiday blues, get you all motivated and inspired.
Personally, I don't I don't dwell on things I can't control, I have realistic expectations of myself, I've learned overtime that trying to change things or situations presented to me from the outside world including people is futile, and overtime I've come to appreciate some of my flaws and simply choose to live my best life and be present in the moment. But sometimes, melancholy finds me. Like a thick fog that threatens to shroud a picturesque skyline, it creeps up seemingly out of nowhere until I can no longer ignore it, after all i tell myself enjoy it.
Beating the post-holiday blahs happens to even the most enthusiastic, devoted, successful entrepreneur. It's Tuesday, Easter bank holiday already behind us, and for most of you in spite of your best efforts, you have lost momentum and are off your game.
It's a well-known fact that the holidays bring on the blues. According to the National Mental Health Association, reasons for feeling blue around the holidays range from fatigue to financial limitations to tensions in personal relationships.
What an we do coping with work after coming back off holidays? There is a lot to deal once the time of calmness, relaxing, eating, feeling free passes, we have to deal with our mental clutter, our fears, relationship problems, social and family demands, and all de deadlines at work, the e-mails , the meetings, etc.
You go into your office, you stare at the pile of work, the unanswered emails, the phone calls you know you need to make and it all looks so overwhelming. The rush of the holidays, out-of-town guests, extreme highs or lows in business volume and suddenly, you are behind in everything. Worse yet, you aren't really motivated to get started again. Many of us half-heartedly begin with something and then quit early and feel lousy about ourselves.
But going to back to work after a long vacation is never really easy. It takes an iron hand to drag you out of your bed in the morning of Monday. So here are the tips that I hope could help you motivate yourself to go back to work with a positive attitude.
It has been the longest day-off so far. Your mind is still anchored on Easter Bank Holiday, and you refuse to believe that Tuesday is back to reality. No matter how workaholic you are, you still value time for a break, either for a week or several days. We deserve and our body and mind needs a break from time to time to re charge, reflect and rest. If you continue to adhere or attach to your work 24/7 you'll never succeed. We need a hiatus or hibernation for us to get another supply of energy and detoxify ourselves from stress, pollution and negative vibes.
But, as I have done it many times in the past, I've learned not to let all the above take over, personally I have adopted one belief to help me with this: for every problem in my life there is a great solution and during that journey of finding it i am going to be playful, curious and be happy that the opportunity was presented to me to learn and experience life. Like everything else in life it's not easy to do at first but, as always, a little effort goes a long way, practice makes perfect.
Here are my 12 Secrets to get yourself back in the groove, excited again about your work, business, or simply your day to day life.
As an entrepreneur as well as having coached over 1000 individuals both on personal and professional level, there are certain steps you must do in order to accomplish your goals so you can have the kind of business and life you have dreamed of having. From managing your own self, relationship to managing a team to handling clients - and everything in between - it can be easy to lose complete control of your day. We all have the same 24 hours available each day; what makes a difference between someone who is living their life and they are successful to someone who is not is only one thing, that is how you chose to use those 24 hours that's makes the difference.
From the point we go to sleep, to wakening up, doing our day to day routine, going to work, meetings, client services, and a To-Do List a mile long are frequent daily tasks in today's fast pace life and in the world of running a business. The key is find an effective way to handle our daily routine to stay focused and on track to achieve your goals in the shortest amount of time and the least amount of effort.
I'm writing today to focus your awareness on the source of your actions. Awareness is the state or ability to perceive, to feel, or to be conscious of events, objects, or sensory patterns. In this level of consciousness, sense data can be confirmed by an observer without necessarily implying understanding.
More broadly, it is the state or quality of being aware of something. In biological psychology, awareness is defined as a human's or an animal's perception and cognitive reaction to a condition or event. As human beings, we operate daily reflecting a wide range of emotions with a multitude of motivations fuelling our behaviours.
All too often, we react emotionally to what others say or do. If our reactions are preceded by the emotions of fear, anger, or sadness, we forfeit our ability to act with personal power and effectiveness in lieu of a knee-jerk response. This reaction is all too often sourced in fear and low self-esteem. We may focus on what's wrong with us and our lives or fear being controlled, hurt, or taken advantage of.
With St Valentine's day looming, it seems that love is all around us. However when it comes to love, we tend to think about giving it to those around us or to our material goods, rather than to ourselves. We are not taught to love ourselves - quite the opposite, we are taught to compete against each other, and to bring ourselves down.
Commit yourself to your growth: The biggest, boldest and brightest act of self-love you can do this Valentine's is to start your very own personal journey. Make the decision right now to give yourself what you deserve and to be the best version of yourself. Set your intention to give life your best shot, and to achieve your full potential on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level. Commit to learning and growing every single day, with every action, every encounter, every experience. And focus on increasing your awareness and understanding of your body, your mind, your emotions and your behaviours - both past and present.
SPOILER ALERT: The below is a shameless plug written out of love and respect - and is long overdue.
If you had met me just a few years ago, you would have observed a very different person: a quiet, shy, reserved and nervous individual, unsure about himself, his opinions, his wants or his desires. Full of self-doubt, insecurities and fears, he struggled to be authentic around other people. He was unable to deeply connect to his friends, unable to express his love for the people in his life, and unable above all to love himself. Lost and confused, he had spent years jumping from city to city, from club to club, and from job to job in the search of some release, some hope and some fulfillment.
Nowadays, I am settled, grounded, happy and fulfilled. I Love (with a capital L) my work and my businesses, I have great friends to whom I am deeply connected to and who support me in all my endeavors, and I have a fantastic loving relationship with my family. I am able to be my authentic self in all situations, and to express my true desires, wants and opinions.
When I met Tony, I had already began my journey. After a depressing few years, some little voice inside of me had guided me to finally settle down, and to start a work I could enjoy. I met Tony on the gym floor in 2010: he offered me a free healing in return for a PT session. Intrigued, I went along, with little expectations.
Looking back on that first session, I remember how uncomfortable I felt. I felt prodded, nudged and gently wrestled into opening up and talking about myself, my feelings and my emotions. As a British passive aggressive introvert, it was my idea of hell. My ego kicked in with a vengeance: "Who was this man asking so many questions?" "Who did he think he was?" " How dare he make me feel so uncomfortable!" Part of me doubted and distrusted, another part of me was intrigued. But I knew deep down that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
Tony was patient, and gave me the space to slowly feel more and more comfortable. Although part of me was screaming to run away back to my comfort zone, at the end of our session I chose to accompany him to dinner. As we chatted about spirituality, our lives, our dreams and our desires, something in me clicked and I knew that my life was about to take a turn for the better.
After agreeing to provide Tony with some Personal Training in return for more coaching and healing, I left feeling elated, as if something in me had shifted, some hope had returned. There was light at the end of the tunnel.
I would be lying to you if I said that I had jumped head first into my new path. Even though I could catch a glimpse of where I was headed, a big part of me resisted the process. The concepts of energy, of manifestation, of law of attraction etc were all new to me. Years and years of belief in the physical world as the only reality held me back, and it would take me many months before I could fully release my doubts and trust what Tony was talking about.
At the same time, I still held on tightly to my old destructive habits, my old thought patterns, my old conditioning. For over a year, I went through many ups and downs: one day feeling elated and on top of the world, the other back to the grey gloom and doom. I caught a glimpse of the happiness and self-love Tony talked about, and then found myself doubting I had ever experienced it.
In hindsight, these cycles matched the times when I listened and nurtured my inner voice, my truth, and the times when I blocked it out, doubted myself, and forgot my heart. Time after time I returned to see Tony, and at every single session, I opened up a tiny bit more, learnt a bit more about myself, and felt a bit more hopeful.
Little by little, with Tony's constant, loving yet patient support and understanding I started to see clearer and clearer. I discovered a new awareness of myself, my thoughts and my emotions. I began to understand my past behaviors, my day-to-day feelings and my future desires. And I embarked on a journey of tremendous change that has not stopped since.
The fog slowly started to lift and I saw my life with a whole new perspective. I was able to see how for years I had avoided looking deeper into myself, always scared of what was inside. I was able to see how I had blamed my lack of love on everyone else but myself: my family, my friends, my clients. And I was able to see how much better my life was when I trusted and followed my intuition.
It wasn't always plain sailing, I made many mistakes and put myself into many difficult situations. However Tony always empowered me to turn the situations around, to gain learnings and insights from them, to forgive myself and to move on quickly.
In doing so, I started to trust my instincts, and built a new-found respect and esteem for myself, my desires and my choices. I re-discovered love for life, for those around me and for me - for Will. My resistance dropped, and I became eager to learn more and more about the healing and coaching process, about our minds, our energies, our emotions - and how they all interact.
And as my inner world changed, so did my outer world. I stopped my old destructive habits, and began to nurture the parts of my life that needed me. My business began to take off, I attracted new wonderful friends, and re-connected with my twin, my brothers and my parents. My life slowly began to fall into place.
The job of a good Coach is to allow you to come to your own conclusions, make your own decisions, and choose what is right for yourself. And that is exactly what Tony did. His greatest skill has been to help me believe and trust my instincts to achieve my potential. We are all born great, with unique gifts, talents and personalities - however many of us suppress our true selves and forget our dreams and desires. Drawing on his learnings from many avenues including his own life story, Tony empowered me to push my boundaries, transform my mind and release my inner self.
Tony has a positive energy and a love for life and for others that is contagious. He is a loving, warm and kind man, and keen to help everyone he meets. He has inspired me in many ways to do the same: to inject love into everything I do, everything I see and everyone I meet. He has become one of my closest friends, a trusted companion and a fantastic business partner.
However, if I were to name one of Tony's top strengths, it would be his integrated and in-depth knowledge of both Coaching AND Healing. Through my own experience, I have realized how important they both are, in conjunction with one another. Any healing of the physical body is far more powerful when one can understand the root of the symptom in their subconscious, and make changes to their mindset through coaching. And coaching is far more powerful with the understanding of energy, vibrations and manifestation.
Tony has been an avid learner for many years, and has done all kind of certifications (each with different initials and abbreviations !). Rather than sticking to one particular school of thought, he happily uses the best bits of each one, and tailors his approach depending on the situation. This integration of the mind and spirit has really opened up my eyes to the world around us, and has helped me transform the way I see my business, my training and my relationships.
Of course, it goes without saying that I would wholeheartedly recommend Tony to anyone. I truly believe that everyone could benefit from a bit of coaching and healing, and that the world would be a better place if we all applied just 10% of what Tony can teach.
For me, Tony has been a fantastic catalyst for change, a great influence in my life, and an astounding friend. Thanks to him I have learnt to love, be loved, to express myself, and to reach for the stars. I have kickstarted an incredible transformation and have found my true self. I feel authentic, fulfilled and content - and so very excited about what the future will bring.
Looking into yourself and committing to your own personal growth is best thing you could ever do. Yes it will require some work. Yes it may be uncomfortable at times. And yes you may have many layers and issues to unravel. But the long-term reward you will get is immense, immeasurable, and most likely impossible to even imagine.
Happiness and fulfillment is inside of you. It may have been locked up by fears, doubts and insecurities - but it is within your grasp. I dare you to go find it.