By pain - 26/02/2010 10:23 - Japan
Today, I realized explosive diarrhea can happen, and at the most inopportune times, such as on the day of MY wedding. At the alter while my husband said his vows. FML
Dementia or hate? You decide
Sweet, my ass
By not_very_smart - 24/07/2013 06:44 - United States
Today, it was so hot in the un-airconditioned gym that when I got up off the floor, I slipped in my own pool of sweat and got a concussion. FML
By cars hate me - 26/02/2017 11:00 - United States - Compton
Today, my car was rear-ended and totaled. Last year, during the same month, my previous car was rear-ended and totaled. I should just stop driving during the month of February. FML
Out of it
Today, after my girlfriend had a nightmare this morning, I stayed home because she has really bad anxiety issues. A couple of hours later, she's pissed because I said I would stay up, but I fell asleep. FML
By RC3Welly - 09/03/2009 22:58 - United States
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
You deserved it 795 016
Today, I tried shaving my bikini area for the first time. I ended up cutting myself several times. I now have impressive razor burn, and it's incredibly painful to even wear pants. FML
By assholedad - 11/02/2015 21:00 - United States
Today, I asked my dad to please shave his awful beard, because I'm a laughing-stock at school for being picked up each day by a guy whose face looks like Bigfoot's ass. He agreed, and 10 minutes later was sporting a pedo-stache. It's going to be a long year. FML
By couch girl - 25/06/2013 16:23 - Singapore - Singapore
Today, I got harassed and screamed at by a middle-aged man for parking in a spot close to the store, because he wanted the same spot so he didn't have to walk so far with his groceries. He took a photo and vowed to report me to the authorities. FML
By killerxdeagles - 23/12/2014 02:22 - United States - Wichita
Today, I was t-boned and my truck was rendered useless. I was given a ticket even though the man who hit me ran a red light. Why? Because there was dirt on my license plate. FML
By ad4 - 31/01/2011 23:11 - United States
Today, I was woken up to my family surrounding me with breakfast in bed and sweet 16 balloons. My birthday is in 3 months, and I will be 17. FML
By Oh_Well - 11/10/2009 14:53 - United States
Today, I finally had time to talk with my boyfriend. We had a nice long conversation, which included him telling me how much I meant to him and that we really need to see each other more often. He concluded the speech twenty minutes later with "Which is why I really hope we can stay friends". FML
That's that, then
Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML
By wtf - 30/08/2011 12:16 - India
Today, it's my birthday. I've been dropping strong hints all year about wanting to learn to tap-dance, hoping for some decent tap shoes. Instead, I got a beekeepers outfit and some furry dice to hang on my wreck of a car's rear-view mirror. FML
By tara22 - 27/04/2009 23:15 - United States
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to throw me against the wall and kiss me like they do in the movies. Being all aggressive and smooth, he grabs my shirt and pushes me. He pushed a little too hard and my head was thrown back into the wall. I was knocked out for ten minutes. FML
By lovethateuropeanblood - 08/12/2014 14:12 - Japan - Osaka
Today, I enjoyed the soft caressing touch of the person I'm attracted to. It would have been even better if he weren't simply stroking my arm hair in amazement at its superior length and density. FML
By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 00:25 - United States - Newark
Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML
By Craig - 05/02/2009 20:13 - United States
Today, I was awarding medals to finalists in a school club. While putting one around someones neck, I ended up poking a girl in the eye. She tried to be a trooper by continuing to walk across stage but i guess her eyes got really watery because she missed the step and fell, breaking her ankle. FML
By Anonymous - 23/08/2013 21:58 - Mexico
Today, I have to get an ultrasound at the hospital. In order to get a clear picture, I need to have a full bladder. I've been waiting my turn for 2 hours now, desperately needing to pee. There are still multiple patients ahead of me. FML
Good kid
Today, my mother told me that for a period when I was a baby, every night she stood over my crib with a bottle of bourbon and a gun, convincing herself not to shoot me for ruining her life by being born when she was only 18. I wish I could be more like my siblings, who don't visit her anymore. FML
By anonymus - 18/08/2009 16:33 - United States
Today, I asked a woman where her beautiful accent was from. The woman stared at me for a while. Then her daughter told me that the reason her mother talked like that was because she had a stroke a few months ago. FML
By padthaimeanoose - 19/07/2015 03:29 - Canada - Surrey
Today, I went on my first date in 6 months, to a Thai restaurant. We both got food poisoning and spent the entire evening alternately running to the bathroom while pretending that we were fine. FML
By Googlebug - 01/11/2010 10:15 - United States
Today, my dad, who lives hours away, called and told me he was getting married. Today. As in this evening. Guess I'm not invited. FML
*buys case of Listerine*
By Sick Guy - 24/03/2018 20:30 - United States - Boynton Beach
Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML
WTF dude?
By 4evalone - 22/04/2016 18:06 - United States
Today, the man I love, who broke my heart by leaving me a few months ago, showed up to a family event and pulled off the most elaborate, romantic proposal I've ever seen. He was proposing to my cousin. FML
Make your minds up
By Remy - 16/11/2013 23:39 - United States - Portland
Today, I was offered a job that pays far more than I expected, being a high school senior. My parents decided they aren't letting me take the job, saying I should enjoy my childhood. They're also not paying for my college, which is why I was looking for work in the first place. FML
By newlyengaged - 08/01/2017 18:11 - United States - Atlanta
Today, my mother excitedly jumped up and down, announcing that one of her sweet younger coworkers got engaged. I wished she'd had the same reaction to my engagement when I announced it to her a few days earlier. FML
By fmljae - 20/01/2011 09:11
Today, I rented a 4x4 to take my wife to a secret secluded beach for our anniversary. I got as close as I could to the spot and parked on the beach. After a few romantic hours we returned to find the car half way up the windows with water. I forgot it was king tide. FML
By Lo_Bolian - 25/04/2009 03:10 - United States
Today, I was taking the bus home. A dirty homeless man boarded the bus, put his bag on the overhead rack, and sat down. His bag was leaking and dripped onto my shoulder. I asked the man what it was. He said, "Roadkill." I now have dead animal blood on my best business suit. FML
By auraya1985 - 12/09/2015 21:34 - United Kingdom
Today, I got called into the school by my daughter's teacher. Apparently my daughter informed her class that over the weekend she spent her time with her daddy watching porn stars while her mummy was at work. It took a long time to convince her they were actually watching a TV show called "Pawn Stars". FML
By Anonymous - 05/09/2015 04:58 - United States - Latrobe
Today, for the first time in my life, a girl hit on me. Specifically, a lesbian who thought I was a girl. FML
Today, at Burger King, I had to go to the bathroom. Two ketchup packets were under the seat and exploded on my legs and pants when I sat down. FML
By Anonymous - 31/03/2012 07:03 - United States - Puyallup
Today, on my way to my therapist, my father told me to lie to her and tell her that I'm happy so he doesn't have to drive me in anymore. FML
By thankskimi - 15/03/2009 18:29 - United States
Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML
Unprofessional
Today, I found out my fiancé has been sleeping with his therapist behind my back. If that wasn't bad enough on its own, I'd talked him into starting therapy 6 months ago to help with his mental health troubles, and have been mostly paying for it. FML
By badtrip - 03/03/2009 03:21 - United States
Today, my girlfriend was packing for her study abroad program. Jokingly, I got her a pack of condoms. She laughed, saying "Oh yeah, I'll definitely need some of those." Later, I showed up to take her to the airport and saw her open suitcase in the kitchen, with the condoms on top. FML
By LonelyMonkey - 12/11/2009 19:39 - United States
Today, I received an eviction notice taped to my door stating my landlord is selling his property and moving out of the country in 13 days. My landlord is my boyfriend. FML
Today, I was driving my car like any ordinary day. My dad has been harping on me about not checking the oil, so I finally checked it. Driving down the road my hood flew up and shattered my windshield. I forgot to latch my hood after checking the oil. $300 for a new windshield. The oil was fine. FML
By crazy cat lady - 03/11/2016 19:31 - Canada - Fredericton
Today, I got a cat so I'd have some company, since my roommate is always with her boyfriend. Too bad the cat likes her more. So now I get to sit and listen to her talk to her boyfriend to get to cuddle with my kitty. FML
By kbeavv - 11/02/2010 17:09 - United States
Today, I read my mom's Facebook status. It said, "So sick of kids, can't wait for Vegas this week!" My dad, along with 12 others, liked it. I didn't even know she was going to Vegas. FML
By kylinsmama - 08/03/2020 08:01 - United States
Today, I got in trouble with my doctor for eating too soon after surgery. Why was I eating? Because the nurses brought me food, which apparently I should've known not to eat. FML
By KidKillah - 01/09/2012 04:07 - United States - Napa
Today, a small kid looked at me, screamed in terror, and hid behind his dad. I was just walking down the same aisle in the store. This is far from the first time it's happened. FML
libido_fml 0
you should post the video, it'll make you famous
creepermagnet 0
Well, that's just a shitty situation ;)
fueledbyshar 0
Sometimes fame isnt always worth it.
yeah, but it'll make people laugh... you can't beat that
plus she's in japan.. they like all the wierd shit over there anyway
Horney4her69 0
AFV. $10,000 :p
thecbake4 0
You sgould have created a diversion or said, "Oh, i forgot my ring...Brb" ;)
Ouroboros_fml 0
EPIC WIN!!!! (REMEMBER KIDDIES, CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL!)
Inabsentia 0
I agree with 1
abcnonamecba 0
that sucks sorry to hear it nd I agree with no1
samantha_durano 6
hahh, woww.
don't worry I'm sure the marriage will evntually turn that liquid into solid shot and then u can flush both down the toilet!!
suaveneanderthal 0
sounds like the plot for a great japanese porno, just add milk enemas a little bukkake and some eels
Darkangels_fml 0
Saturday 27 February 2010 0:07
@38 you play wow stfu
Cthulu 0
38's comment is a rule of the Internet
chely_95 0
SOOO BAD. :O
cmac86 23
@86 I take it you watch a lot of Japanese porn. and whether or not your comment was tongue and cheek, that still sounds beyond weird!
eric780 0
Sunday 28 February 2010 6:39
*altar
confused_012 0
Monday 15 March 2010 14:07
Agree!!! THat'd be hillarious
ebonyrose2828 16
Wednesday 6 October 2010 10:31
ouchieee
omgitsdomonique 0
lmfao, fyl.
allen20 0
Hahahahaha explode diahrrea all over his face lmfao xD It would be like your giving him a part of you(;
ladiesman14 0
this can happen to girls whove had alot of butt sex prior to marriage. what color was the back of your dress A.D. ? brown, red, black or yellow ?
drewbell 0
baha!
surfluvr44 0
willou35_fml 13
Sunday 28 February 2010 19:52
GeoThermalSleuth 0
... Wow.
hadi_brown 0
girls can fart ?
BadPinkKitty07 0
very punny. ;)
scarletdragonfly 5
Monday 1 March 2010 2:23
SO... MANY... PUNS... OP: God that sucks, especially on your wedding day. =(
thatpianoguy612 0
...whoa. words can't express how much yl is f'd... haha
koolitaliano 0
true, especially because it was on her wedding day!!
KyuubiKid92 0
Iuch. That totally sucks. FYL.
katiekat23 0
well just think...I'm sure there are worse things that could happen. your wedding should be one of the most special days of your life so at least it gives you and your special someone something to laugh about and remember forever:)
Person1233 12
FYL.
mrguy266 0
"Today (on my wedding day) as I was saying my vows to the love my life, she felt like she should respond by shitting...right in front of me FML."
Thoureau 0
It probably would've hurt less if her husband got off to that stuff or if she was in Germany (but I guess Japan works too). But in all seriousness though, I'm really sorry that that happened.
tc710 0
what does Germany have to do with anything?
There's a stereotype that Germany is the home of many corprophila (a fetish involving shit) pornos. It's referenced in the South Park Movie, but to be honest, I'm not 100% sure about it being a true stereotype.
maskedman 9
No stereotypes are 100% true. That's kind of the definition of a stereotype.
Fennernator 0
at least he didn't divide by 0 "/
lettertjes 0
LGBTQIA+ Love Relatable Parents Money Kids Grandparents Death Awkward Sleep Noise Birthday Family Work Sex Intimacy Weird Capitalism Fight Sports Underwear Covid Health Mental health Injury Gross Poopoo peepee Friends Jealousy Tinder