I am currently in a season of learning what it looks like to surrender... I can honestly say it's one of the hardest things to do when you are someone who likes your world under control, all the time. God is teaching me and often he uses unexpected things to do it.
It was Wednesday morning in Haiti and our schedule for that morning was to sleep in. If you've met me, I LOVE to do this. Well, that was not God's schedule for me. There was pounding on my door around 8am and so I jumped out of bed and ran to the door to find two of my teammates of my new friends that lives in Haiti standing at the door frantically telling me, "There was a bad accident. We're getting on the helicopter right now to go take them to the hospital. You need to go be with Joy. We don't know who was hurt, it may have been Kerry (her husband)."
Early that morning, some of our guys had gone to Port-Au-Prince to take a team of 4 guys to the airport.
- "My dad is on that bus. I don't know what I'd do if my dad wasn't okay. Kerry is on that bus. I don't know what Joy and their 8 kids will do if he's not okay. If Kerry's not okay, I'm not leaving Haiti. I'm not leaving Joy." I was calm on the outside but freaking out the inside and then started shaking. In that moment, I felt this overwhelming peace and I prayed, "Lord, if you decided to take my dad and Kerry today, I would still trust you. I would know that you're in control, that it was part of your plan and that I would be okay." (Believe me, this was all Jesus) At that point, Jarred said to me, "Your dad's okay. He's the one that texted about it. Just go be with Joy."
I threw my shoes on and ran to Joy & Kerry's apartment. I got there and she was holding her cell phone, waiting for them to call and was trying not to panic with 5 kids needing her attention and affection. We knelt down right there and started praying. Soon after, Kerry called and said he was fine, but to pray for Jeff. Jeff is a pastor that was there visiting from Louisiana. He's 36 and has a wife and kids at home. He had a significant amount of damage to his face and will need surgery, potentially a few surgeries. They got him to Miami quickly and he is doing okay, but it will be a long road. If you think of it, please pray for him and his family.
But I am continuing to learn from this is that I have expectations of what I think my life is supposed to look like. When MY expectations aren't met, I am disappointed in God because things aren't going my way. Well shouldn't they be going his way, not mine? What that requires is an all out surrender of my agenda and expectations so that God might have the space in my life to write a better story. That day, I learned what it meant to surrender. I learned what it meant to have absolutely zero control of a situation and still trust God with the outcome. God is teaching me to surrender it all and to release my expectations in exchange for the amazing plan he is beginning to unfold. A painful process? Yes. But I could not be more grateful for the early morning wake up call in Haiti.
for the last week, i've been blogging over here... www.sendmeusemechangeme.blogspot.com. this is the blog for my work, and for a day or two i spent the time to copy/paste/re-upload all the posts and pictures. instead of wasting my afternoon doing that, i've decided to go ahead and just link you over there to read my posts.
today i posted Mèsi Senyè... i am in process. God is doing something in me and desiring to change me so that i might change his kingdom. i can't even begin to tell you what a different place this is than the place i've been the last 2 months. the fog has definitely lifted and i'm coming out of the pit. HE IS FAITHFUL.
God is stirring something in my heart for Haiti. I am absolutely loving it. Like nothing I've ever loved. I'm not sure what it is. I think part of it is Kerry & Joy Reeves and part of it is the people here. The other pieces of it are the devastation you see & the people you interact with. They all have a story – most of them a tragic story. They all are totally dependent on something – most of them voodoo or witchcraft to get them through. With 10% Christianity and many of those being "nominal" Christians, there's a huge tendency to just give up hope on these people's lives ever changing.
But not the Reeves'. They inspire me. I'm overwhelmed by their hearts for these people and to truly help them - by help I mean empowering them to help themselves. It's such an amazing ministry and a gift to be working alongside them.
Gran, the widow that the Reeves' take care of. She's a strong believer & huge influence on her community & her kids.
Women in the refugee camp.
Psalm 82:3&4 "Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked."
As I re-read this verse today, I was reminded of how important it is that we continue to go - to go to places like Haiti and defend these devastated people. They are poor, oppressed, weak and needy and it truly is our calling to be their defense and to encourage our partners who are doing ministry in the depths of human need. I sit here tonight, beginning to pack my bags, ridiculously humbled at the opportunity I have to go and serve in a place like Haiti. I think about our Operation HOPE team - one of the physicians is my dear friend, a ministry partner from IMPACT here in CA has joined us late in the game, my parents are going, my sister-in-law, my aunt, the mothers of both of my sisters-in-law - and I am utterly blown away by the gift it is to be going on this trip.
I've felt called to this place and wanted to go there for years... since before the quake when one of my friends was in a heart-wrenching adoption process to get their son. Their story is incredible. Through her, I've been linked with the Livesay's who live a life and run a ministry in Port-Au-Prince that will blow you away. All this to say, in some weird way, it's one of my dreams to go to Haiti - to meet the amazing people who live there, to learn about their culture and to serve them in whatever way God has planned for me. I am humbled. Truly. And cannot wait to tell the stories of my Haitian brothers and sisters and to watch our great God do what he does best - change lives and bring hope.
my cousin, haley is pure beauty. she doesn't even know it and i think it makes her even more beautiful. truly. but at the same time i wish she could know it, internalize it, live it. because we are more confident and we live differently when we can see ourselves as beautiful.
Lord, that haley may know her beauty today.