Sometimes I feel as though moms today have so much pressure on them to be "perfect". The perfect partner, the perfect mom, and other unattainable pressures that we place upon ourselves. I almost equate it to being the picture perfect Instagram fitness model. I don't know about you, but I am nowhere near the perfect mom. Why are there these underlying pressures mom place upon themselves? Is it to over compensate for what we feel our own parents lacked when we were children? Is it social media? Whatever the case may be, moms I bet you're doing far better than you realize.
Social media reinforces this idyllic "perfect" lifestyle that only some seem to be living. The beautifully matched outfits. The Pinterest perfect themed birthday parties. The posts about their babies hitting their milestones early, leaving some moms to wonder why their own child hasn't hit that mark yet. I'm not jealous by any means. If you can be that mom, kudos to you! We see the highlight reels of people's lives on social media and then too many people compare themselves to this. On social media everyone wants to see smiling, happy people. As moms, we want to give our very best every day to our children. As we peruse people's profiles we may follow, we can unconsciously compete with these moms and it can feel like our personal best just isn't good enough. To be honest, screw that! There are enough feelings of not measuring up to go around.
I am by no means a perfect parent. I identify more with the real life, everyday type moms. You know, the ones that live in yoga pants, wear messy buns, who have a full day of wiping snotty noses, cleaning the house multiple times a day in between making all the meals for everyone, and still crushing life.
I especially applaud those moms who are trying to work through their own sh*t in life. It takes serious energy to stop, evaluate your life, and figure out the slightly broken parts of yourself in order to be a better human being and parent. Shout out to thee mom dragging herself out of bed and just laying on the couch, cuddling her littles because that's all the strength she can muster just to be semi-human that day.
Life is messy and beautiful all at once. Stop trying to be perfect and just try each day to be a better you every day. Perfection is unattainable. Someone will always do it better than you because they have their own personal style to everything.
Here are just a few ways to know that you're doing things "right".
You hug your kids, tell them that you love them, and in some way let them know that you see them. Like really SEE them for the wonderful being they are.
You laugh often with them.
You hear what they have to say. I'm not just talking acknowledging their existence, but phone down, looking at them and listening to all they have to say. It's exhausting, I know, but little people need to know they're heard too.
Lift the veil of perfection. Share those messy stories. The no makeup selfies. Be vulnerable and real, and most of all, be your imperfect self and be grateful for the time you have with your family. Life goes by too fast to compare ourselves to others.
The day after my kids started school, my son proclaimed that he had a wiggly tooth. He was so excited! His eyes were wide and he smiled as he wiggled his tooth for me to see. I was happy for him because I knew he was elated that he was becoming a big kid. Inside I couldn't help but feel a little emotional. My baby really is becoming a big kid. I gave him a huge hug, and I answered all his questions about the tooth fairy.
Three days later, he lost his little wiggly baby tooth. A true physical representation of the fact that he is growing bigger each day. Every time he smiles that fabulous little kid smile, I can't help but reminisce on how fast five years has just flown by. It's a reminder for me to slow down during the hectic days and really see my children every day. Not to take out my phone and post a quick picture on social media for everyone to see, but for me to take that mental snapshot of my children in this very moment. To be present and to really take them in for a second.
As our kids grow, we know this is happening all along. They're hitting major learning milestones, they're growing out of clothes and shoes non-stop. Their understanding of the world around them increases, as well as their ability to articulate this. One day we're changing poopy diapers and the next they're reading books by themselves.
Over the past year, I've been learning to slow down. I used to have everything neat and tidy before we could all have time to cuddle in between dinner and bedtime. I had to accomplish everything on the to-do list for the day before I felt at ease. After the kids started preschool last year, I realized that the dishes can wait. Time together cannot. Don't get me wrong, we all still clear the table together, put plates and cups in the dishwasher and tidy up before bedtime, but it doesn't feel as stressful anymore. The bulk of the dishes can wait until the morning. We can clean the house together when we get back from the beach. The need to be perfect and have my s#!t together 24/7 has faded.
I need to appreciate the moments that we get to play together, cuddle and read or watch movies together. The days go by so quickly now. As much as I wish that they would slow down and stop growing, I've learned that it's me that needs to slow down and appreciate the moments in life for what they are.