Last week, I got word that a distant cousin of mine was in the hospital. Before I go further, I should explain that I don't know him well, and that after an initial scare, he's making good progress. However, he had an aortic dissection, which caught my eye. My mom has an aortic aneurysm, as does one of her sisters – and a dissection is a possible eventuality. One of my mom's brothers had a massive heart attack two weeks after his 50th birthday, and another cousin of hers died (the mother of the distant cousin I mentioned above) from an aortic aneurysm. So, it's probably fair to say that heart problems seem to abound in my mom's family, if not aortic aneurysms specifically. But I digress.
I think it was the very next day that I saw something on Instagram from a Duranie – someone I have met personally – about an aortic dissection. She was in the hospital, and from what I can gather, she's lucky she survived. Two of these stories in the same week happening to people I know? That's crazy! I said as much to this Duranie, who many of you reading may know or have heard of – Amanda Pants.
Amanda is a vibrant, friendly Duranie. I met her during the Paper Gods tour. She has this vibe about her—as though she not just living life, but getting every possible ounce of joy out of each moment—that is engaging and magnetic. She is someone who I really can't envision bad things happening to, yet I'm certain she's been through many of the same (or more) struggles that we've all had. I only met Amanda and talked with her during a few moments at the shows where I saw her, so my impressions of her are merely just instinctual. She is positive, and has grabbed life by the tail in a way I've never been able to manage. If I ever tried to be so colorful and vibrant, it would come off completely fake and wrong—yet on her, it's natural, organic, and very real.
Seeing her, or at least part of her, in a hospital bed, complete with newly minted scars from surgery, was a total, unwelcome, surprise. But the good news, as she put it, was that she didn't die on Saturday. She survived.
The next photo I saw from her was of a lot of prescriptions. I've seen the piles of drugs my brother-in-law had to take each day, and this was pretty similar. I'm lucky, as I only have my blood pressure medicines and an allergy pill to take each day. Yet, I still struggle to afford them while my husband is out of work. Don't even bother talking to me about Affordable Healthcare. Insurance for my family, even with my husband out of work, is over $1800 a month. COBRA insurance is exactly the same. Walt brings home less than that in unemployment each month, and like everyone else in the world, we still have other bills and our mortgage to pay, much less have money left to feed ourselves. The numbers don't compute. Sure, this is temporary for our family, assuming he gets a job soon. Not everyone is quite so lucky. Can you imagine having to take ten or more medicines each day? (and keeping them all straight? I struggle with remembering if I've taken my blood pressure pill!) Even better, can you imagine paying for them all?
When I saw that a friend of Amanda's had set up a Gofundme for her, I felt like I had to do something. Admittedly, right now I am not in a situation where I can help financially, but I can certainly get the word out. If you're able, I know she could really use the hand up.
No, this really isn't Duran Duran news. I hope that those reading can see their way clear to helping if they're able. A member of our Duranie family is sick, needs help, and I'm putting it out there. I wish I could do more.
Good luck and get well soon, Amanda!
OK, so I obviously didn't make the trip to Dubai for yesterday's show. I know a few people who did, and I saw plenty of others who commented to Duran Duran on social media. The comments were by far positive. For the few songs I did see (thanks to the magic and power of the internet!) – I would wholeheartedly agree.
One surprise in particular was The Chauffeur. First of all, I applaud that it was put in the set. The Chauffeur is one of those songs that gets circulated in and out of their set every so often. I've seen it live several times, but it isn't in every set list. Seeing it on occasion is special. That said, last night's rendition seemed different. I'm not sure if it was truly that way or because of how it was recorded. The end was the most noticeably different, but I could hear the guitar loud and clear, and it even sounded a bit different from I remember. Granted, I like the hard edge of a guitar, and last night – the sound really delivered! I don't know what it was, but I loved the juxtaposition of the guitar against the synthesizers at the end of the song. In the past I can't say I picked up on it quite as much. Anyway, I loved it. He didn't overpower the song or anything, it was just that I could hear the guitar slice right through the music, and I felt it was just what the song needed. Others might disagree, to be expected.
In addition to some great footage from the show, I've seen quite a few snippets of video from some sort of an after party. The only band member I've seen has been Simon in short snippets. This brings me to reason #567,983 why I am thankful I'm not famous.
First of all, I don't know why the person taking the videos feels the need to do so. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've had my Kodak moment with Simon too, and of course I posted it. I just don't know why you'd take video and pictures of Simon doing whatever it is he's doing during his own downtime and then broadcast them to all of humanity. To me, it's a fine line that I don't want to cross, and yet I know other people have no problem. I just don't get it.
I know what many will say. "He should be used to it" , "I'm sure he doesn't mind", "it's funny". "You're the one with the problem." Yep. All of those things, I'm sure. I've had numerous conversations with various people about this over the years, and if we're going to treat him like you would anybody else, why on earth are we still jumping over cocktail tables to get to him? It's one thing to ask them for a picture. Lots of fans do that, and by all means – it's part of the deal of being a fan, right? No one, least of all me, is saying that's wrong. Don't send me hate mail – take all the photos you want and post them.
Let's say you're at a show, and some friends invite you to a bar afterward, mentioning that the band "might" show. For most of us, we'd probably go along willingly. We'd have that nervous feeling of excitement welling in our bellies, only to tell ourselves that they probably won't show. We get to the bar, grab a seat and settle in. Before long, a friend nudges you under the table and you look up to see Simon walk in. You grin, because well – of course you do! I haven't met a fan that wouldn't, even if we're trying to cover it with a mock sense of coolness.
It takes a while, but Simon has this way of working the room when he wants. He eventually makes his way to your table. Inside, you're screaming because again – of course you are! He strikes up a good conversation. The next thing you know, he's sitting down with your group and you're having fun. Are you really going to film the entire thing? Are you really going to take out your phone, pretend you're taking video of something else, and get him instead?
I guess if you're nodding your head yes, I'm responding that I wouldn't. I definitely haven't. That moment, or evening, or whatever, is yours. It was mine. I don't need the video to remember it all. I also wouldn't want to ruin the moment by reminding him that I'm one of those teenagers that had his posters on my wall. Not that I think he'd forget, but wouldn't it nice to have a conversation that doesn't revolve around the elephant in the room?? Yep, inside, I'd be freaking out for a bit, and sure – afterward I might have a good case of the squeals (who wouldn't?), but that's for later!
Perhaps I just don't get it. That's very possible. Maybe it's just ME, and I don't realize that since he's been a rock star for seemingly forever, he doesn't mind being treated like a circus animal even when he's trying to wind down for the evening. I kinda think he does mind – but that's just my opinion, take it for what it may be worth.
I wouldn't want to be treated that way, so I'm not going to do that to him, or anyone else. Based on my limited experience, I suspect Simon prefers having a drink, making a toast to a good night or whatever, and not having people stick their camera phones up to video every last second to post online later. He might act like he doesn't care, but I'll bet it's annoying. Maybe as you're reading you believe I'm wrong about that, and hey – that's fine. You all can do what you want to do. But, if you've ever wondered why there's no video of us with Simon, or anyone in the band for that matter – what I've written is exactly why.
I've been thinking about the Paper Gods tour, or at least the shows that I attended. I have fantastic memories from the past few years, that is for sure. There really isn't anything like seeing Duran Duran on stage, and being able to go to these shows with my best friend, knowing that however insane I seem – she usually gets it – makes it all the better.
I am pretty lucky that I was able to see Duran Duran play at the Hollywood Bowl, for example. Although I'm not a huge fan of the venue for rock concerts (the crowds are ridiculous and it takes a special sort of patience to handle the parking and traffic issues), seeing Duran Duran there was a dream. To begin with, it was the first show of the tour (for me), not counting Jimmy Kimmel the evening before. Our seats were amazing – we splurged for second row center tickets, and I just remember how excited I was to be there. We had our friend from Canada with us, and the memories of giggling in the car after the show as I drove over the Grapevine will never leave me. Amanda read me texts from another friend of ours who had gotten into to the after party with the band, and I was over the moon about the scene she described, wishing I had been there. I still can't believe I drove all the way from my house, up to Berkeley, then back again, the very next day.
Amanda and I saw a lot of shows this time around. We've never done this many before, and I don't regret a single one. My bank account does, but that's alright. You only live once, and I didn't want to waste the opportunity. I did turn down a few shows—Amanda went without me to DC over New Years, for example—and while sure I wish I could have been there, I also wasn't ready for the chaos and anger that would have caused here at home. It's a tradeoff, and not an easy one at that.
When I start thinking about all of the miles and driving and travel—it begins to blow my mind just a little. I've gotten to see some parts of this country I'd never seen before, and I even got to go to Canada! I've also met a lot of new people, made new friends, and perhaps even made a new pal out of someone I've known for a very long time.
I toasted with Simon, saw Nick laugh at me more times than I care admit (I CAN'T HELP ROLLING MY EYES AT HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF – I AM SORRY BUT I TRY MY BEST TO BEHAVE!!), ducked from Simon-spit 16 times (we're still winning that war, Simon!!), and exchanged smiles with other band members countless times. I can't even count the amount of moments I would look at Amanda and we'd share a huge grin, because we were in exactly the kind of "heaven" we love most. She and I made fun of this band at every single opportunity, laughed at ourselves so much our sides hurt, and fell more in "love" with each one of them every single day. Yeah, they're band members. Celebrities. People. Just like us. We adore them even when we're calling them dorks. Our readers don't always understand that, and some really get on us about teasing them – but Amanda and I don't feel as though we have to apologize to them for our antics. Something tells me that they not only get it, they really kind of like it! Rock on!
Then there's the way I ended this tour – with a show in San Francisco. It was GA, we were pretty far back, and yet I can honestly say I had a great time. I'd forgotten just how much better the sound can be when you're back away from the stage, and the crowd energy was infectious. The thing is, of course we wanted to be up closer to the front. Yeah, I'm not afraid to say that I wanted to rock out with Dom one last time. But, we made the best of where we were, stayed present in the moment and danced like crazy. Some ridiculous part of me thinks that he still saw me out there, having a great time. And I did. The one thing I can tell you I thought about that night over and over again, was that I was so lucky to be there.
There I was, standing with my best friend, smiling so hard my cheeks hurt, watching the band we adore do their thing. About 30 seconds into the show, it stopped mattering where we were standing, or that there was a really rude, and very tall kid and his also-tall girlfriend standing directly in front of me, positioned so that there was no way I could see past them at all (he was rude for other reasons, not because he was in front of me). I was just happy to be there one last night. I don't know if I'll always be able to be there, and if nothing else – the past couple of months has taught me that there really are NO guarantees in life. You get whatever you get. I would peek in between the sea of arms and camera phones to catch glimpses of Dom, Simon and John, and I just danced. Pure bliss. And yeah, I'm pretty sure that by the end of the show, I got a wink or two from Dom. I can't imagine he really saw me, but I smiled in return. We waved to Simon, Nick, John and Roger, and refused to acknowledge that for us, the tour had ended.
These are my favorite people, and I regret nothing. My two girls are performers. Heather is a dancer/choreographer, and my youngest is a singer and piano player, although she's only nine so who knows what she'll really do when she's grown. I always tell each of them the same thing when they're about to perform, and that's to leave it ALL out on the stage. Don't hold back. It's the only advice I know to give. The only reason I know to give it is because I wouldn't want them to live life the way I did for so long before I started doing all of this. I only half-lived, and it wasn't enough. So this tour, I did the shows I wanted to do, and I LIVED. I left it all out there, no regrets, heart on the sleeve, and all of that. Nobody should wonder how I feel about this band, and particularly about the people within—whether or not they're members, or supporting players.
Those memories are gonna have to last me until I-have-no-idea-when, so I'll take them. I am lucky.