shuttie/reddit-dadjokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

input stringlengths 11 502	output stringlengths 6 565	instruction stringclasses 1 value
How did the hamburger get the bun pregnant?	The condiment broke.	Continue a dad joke:
My daughter found out I replaced her bed with a trampoline	She hit the roof!	Continue a dad joke:
I wanted to call in sick at work today but my bank account said no	Apparently it's having withdrawal symptoms	Continue a dad joke:
I couldn't get into the club without a necktie, so I wrapped some jumper cables around my neck.	They let me in but warned me not to start anything.	Continue a dad joke:
"My dog's got no liver!"	"How does he synthesise polypeptides? Terrible!"	Continue a dad joke:
I got so hammered on New Years Eve, I ended up dancing on the counter of a cheesy bar.	Or as most people call them, a delicatessen.	Continue a dad joke:
I've finally got enough money to last me the rest of my life	provided I die on Thursday.	Continue a dad joke:
Illiteracy is a tragedy affecting thousands	Write to this address for details...	Continue a dad joke:
I remember last year	Like it was yesterday	Continue a dad joke:
2022 new years honours list	A knighthood for the inventor of electrical safety systems. Kit Breaker.	Continue a dad joke:
What is wrong with this sub!?	I think they left the ham off!	Continue a dad joke:
I did it, I finally did it. After 4 years and 92 days I went from being a father, to a dad. This morning, my 4 year old daughter.	She had no idea what was going on but	Continue a dad joke:
This sub might not be dead, but it is full of zombies	All I hear from it is groans!	Continue a dad joke:
When a friend told me "I slept like a baby last night"	You did wake up crying every two Hours because you where lying in your own shit and also very hungry. I am sorry to hear that has happened to you but also too much information.	Continue a dad joke:
After you die, the last part of your body to stop working are your pupils because	...they dilate!	Continue a dad joke:
Do you girls want to watch cartoon?	Us: YEAH! Dad then turns on Nascar and the cars at at the starting line usually!	Continue a dad joke:
A good guide I found to falling down the stairs	Step 1, Step 2, Step 4, Step 7, Step 10, Step 15	Continue a dad joke:
What is the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?	The taste.	Continue a dad joke:
What happens when frogs park illegally	They get toad!	Continue a dad joke:
Geez, I think I've been away from this sub for too long.	Haven't seen you all since last year.	Continue a dad joke:
Why did the police forgive the hacker?	He made them WannaCry.	Continue a dad joke:
Banana for scale	It was good trade.	Continue a dad joke:
Why is it okay for an ice company to commit fraud	Their assets are already frozen.	Continue a dad joke:
What's the best New Year's resolution?	1080p or 4K	Continue a dad joke:
What's a cow's favorite holiday	Moo Year's Day!	Continue a dad joke:
I was going to buy a classical guitar today but realized	I'm baroque.	Continue a dad joke:
Why did my phone get swept away when it is charging?	There is a current	Continue a dad joke:
A new neighbor moved in with 2 dogs named Timex and Rolex.	She said they are watch dogs.	Continue a dad joke:
What do you call a volcano with a broken foot?	Krakatoa	Continue a dad joke:
Why do ghosts like elevator so much	They lift their spirits.	Continue a dad joke:
This is a list of my 10 vices	1. Laziness	Continue a dad joke:
just gotta say it Man, it feels like yesterday wasstill 2021	Ah, time flies when you're having fun!	Continue a dad joke:
What is the difference between a bird and a fly?	A Bird can Fly, but a Fly cannot Bird.	Continue a dad joke:
Yo mama so fat	she can hear fat people singing from three blocks away.	Continue a dad joke:
I caught the common cold this week, outside playing Pokémon Go	Funny enough, my friend got a rare cold. He’s holographic now	Continue a dad joke:
What’s the number one burger joint in Utah?	Five wives.	Continue a dad joke:
I broke up with my girlfriend who was cross eyed.	I guess we didn’t see eye to eye	Continue a dad joke:
Spider-Man drank too much and had to spend the night at the bar	He couldn’t find no way home.	Continue a dad joke:
This is the one time of the year it’s ok to disappoint people	No one gets mad when you drop the ball.	Continue a dad joke:
Betty White passed away last year.	It feels like it happened just yesterday.	Continue a dad joke:
Don’t forget that this year is the Year of the Owl!	Because it’s twenty twenty-hoo!	Continue a dad joke:
Tonight is my favorite night to be a dad	Because I get to say goodnight to my kids with "Alright, see you next year!"	Continue a dad joke:
Whatever you do, don't start pooping tonight at 11:59.	The last thing we want is the same shit, different year! Happy new year Reddit dads.	Continue a dad joke:
I had a gallon of milk but I could not drink it	It expired last year on December 31st.	Continue a dad joke:
I'm so tired. I feel like I haven't slept all year.	That's because it's a leap year!	Continue a dad joke:
It this sub dead?	There hasn't been a post all year!	Continue a dad joke:
What do you call an Asian guy with a camera?	Phil Ming	Continue a dad joke:
Don’t forget when you’re writing the date tomorrow, the first set of numbers in the new year is twenty.	The second set isn’t twenty too, it’s twenty-two.	Continue a dad joke:
I’m the headmaster at Richards school for boys	Guess you could say I’m the dickhead	Continue a dad joke:
Man I love my recliner	We go way back.	Continue a dad joke:
An old lady at the bank told me to check her balance	So I pushed her over	Continue a dad joke:
When does a dad joke become funny?	When it’s apparent.	Continue a dad joke:
Why did the zombie win the marathon	Because he was deadicated.	Continue a dad joke:
How do you secure a fish factory?	With lox.	Continue a dad joke:
Did you hear about the mumble rapper who got 10 years in jail	It was the first sentence he could actually finish	Continue a dad joke:
Did you hear about the guy who just couldn't figure out how to start a sentence	Yeah. He had real first word problems.	Continue a dad joke:
GPS could have been epic I think	Tag Team really missed out on a pivotal GPS tie-in. Instead of “You have reached your destination” we could have had “Whoomp. There it is!”	Continue a dad joke:
If earth wears stockings	Thighland	Continue a dad joke:
I question the state that I was in	confused	Continue a dad joke:
What happened to the deer when it got older?	It became an eldeer	Continue a dad joke:
Disappointed that 2022 is just 2020 too	I hope the next year will be 2020 free	Continue a dad joke:
The creator of the Hokey Pokey just died.	Every time they put his left foot in the casket, he put his left foot out.	Continue a dad joke:
Before you go to bed tonight	You can say see you next year	Continue a dad joke:
I knew a watchmaker who was beheaded.	He was ahead of his time.	Continue a dad joke:
My New Years resolution is to set more realistic expectations for myself	I’ve already failed	Continue a dad joke:
I remember back in 2015 I was being interviewed for a job.	With perfect vision!	Continue a dad joke:
Hindsight is 2020	but now we get to look forward to 2020 too.	Continue a dad joke:
My memory is sharper than ever!	I remember last year like it was yesterday...	Continue a dad joke:
What type of a drug is catnip?	A narcatic.	Continue a dad joke:
Why do bees hum?	Because they don’t know the words.	Continue a dad joke:
What did one snowman say to the other snow man	Do you smell carrot?	Continue a dad joke:
My wife's vision is perfect.	Mine on the other hand was terrible last year... But now, its 20-20 too	Continue a dad joke:
A blind man walks into a bar	And a table. And a door. And a staircase.	Continue a dad joke:
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?	A bah-humbug.	Continue a dad joke:
Why do bears have hairy coats?	Fur protection.	Continue a dad joke:
Why don’t writers like typing the word sadness?	It’s two D pressing.	Continue a dad joke:
What does Gwen Stacy have in common with everyone who turned to dust during Infinity War's ending?	Both went out with a snap	Continue a dad joke:
What did the stamp say to the letter?	If you stick with me, you’ll go places.	Continue a dad joke:
Before the clock strikes midnight on Dec 31st	That way you will start off the new year on the right foot	Continue a dad joke:
Why was 50 cent hungry?	He couldn't afford the dollar menu	Continue a dad joke:
I like my sex like I like my bananas	No strings attached.	Continue a dad joke:
Why don't witches play cricket?	Because their Bats always fly away.	Continue a dad joke:
How do you find a dog lost in bel air	You look for fresh prints	Continue a dad joke:
I've been reading so many horrible things about smoking and drinking recently, that I've made a firm new years resolution	NO MORE READING..!!	Continue a dad joke:
I have a friend who was addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but he turned himself around	That's what it's all about!	Continue a dad joke:
What do they do to drivers who break the speed of light?	They send you to prism.	Continue a dad joke:
Starting the new year positive!	I got my covid test yesterday	Continue a dad joke:
I had a long lasting serious episode of feeling spinning and dizziness. I needed help, but I did not know	Vertigo	Continue a dad joke:
I once knew an Indian who drank so much tea.	He fell asleep and died in his tea pee.	Continue a dad joke:
I went out to an Indian restaurant last night. Had to call before hand to make sure I'd get a table.	Had to make an Indian reservation.	Continue a dad joke:
I don't like carpenter bees. They creep me out, boring into my porch swing– I don't know what they're up to– I make a point to kill em whenever I can	I'm a wood bee assassin	Continue a dad joke:
Polish jokes aren't offensive, they just aren't funny:	One bootblack said to the other, 'KIWI, what a joke...'	Continue a dad joke:
Is this sub still active?	There hasn't been a post all year!	Continue a dad joke:
How many letters are in alphabet?	There are 8 letters in alphabet	Continue a dad joke:
What did the lava say when he was finally reunited with his old friend water?	I mist you.	Continue a dad joke:
A joke from my 7 year old.	What plant makes calls? A call-iflower	Continue a dad joke:
It's the only carpet designed for snow....	Brrr-brrr	Continue a dad joke:
Did you hear about the Spanish vampire with multiple personality disorder?	They’re called Nosotrosferatu.	Continue a dad joke:
I just stepped on a Corn Flake	now I’m a cereal killer	Continue a dad joke:
Time flys like an arrow	Fruit flies like bananas!	Continue a dad joke:

How did the hamburger get the bun pregnant?

The condiment broke.

Continue a dad joke:

My daughter found out I replaced her bed with a trampoline

She hit the roof!

Continue a dad joke:

I wanted to call in sick at work today but my bank account said no

Apparently it's having withdrawal symptoms

Continue a dad joke:

I couldn't get into the club without a necktie, so I wrapped some jumper cables around my neck.

They let me in but warned me not to start anything.

Continue a dad joke:

"My dog's got no liver!"

"How does he synthesise polypeptides? Terrible!"

Continue a dad joke:

I got so hammered on New Years Eve, I ended up dancing on the counter of a cheesy bar.

Or as most people call them, a delicatessen.

Continue a dad joke:

I've finally got enough money to last me the rest of my life

provided I die on Thursday.

Continue a dad joke:

Illiteracy is a tragedy affecting thousands

Write to this address for details...

Continue a dad joke:

I remember last year

Like it was yesterday

Continue a dad joke:

2022 new years honours list

A knighthood for the inventor of electrical safety systems. Kit Breaker.

Continue a dad joke:

What is wrong with this sub!?

I think they left the ham off!

Continue a dad joke:

I did it, I finally did it. After 4 years and 92 days I went from being a father, to a dad. This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

She had no idea what was going on but

Continue a dad joke:

This sub might not be dead, but it is full of zombies

All I hear from it is groans!

Continue a dad joke:

When a friend told me "I slept like a baby last night"

You did wake up crying every two Hours because you where lying in your own shit and also very hungry. I am sorry to hear that has happened to you but also too much information.

Continue a dad joke:

After you die, the last part of your body to stop working are your pupils because

...they dilate!

Continue a dad joke:

Do you girls want to watch cartoon?

Us: YEAH! Dad then turns on Nascar and the cars at at the starting line usually!

Continue a dad joke:

A good guide I found to falling down the stairs

Step 1, Step 2, Step 4, Step 7, Step 10, Step 15

Continue a dad joke:

What is the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.

Continue a dad joke:

What happens when frogs park illegally

They get toad!

Continue a dad joke:

Geez, I think I've been away from this sub for too long.

Haven't seen you all since last year.

Continue a dad joke:

Why did the police forgive the hacker?

He made them WannaCry.

Continue a dad joke:

Banana for scale

It was good trade.

Continue a dad joke:

Why is it okay for an ice company to commit fraud

Their assets are already frozen.

Continue a dad joke:

What's the best New Year's resolution?

1080p or 4K

Continue a dad joke:

What's a cow's favorite holiday

Moo Year's Day!

Continue a dad joke:

I was going to buy a classical guitar today but realized

I'm baroque.

Continue a dad joke:

Why did my phone get swept away when it is charging?

There is a current

Continue a dad joke:

A new neighbor moved in with 2 dogs named Timex and Rolex.

She said they are watch dogs.

Continue a dad joke:

What do you call a volcano with a broken foot?

Krakatoa

Continue a dad joke:

Why do ghosts like elevator so much

They lift their spirits.

Continue a dad joke:

This is a list of my 10 vices

1. Laziness

Continue a dad joke:

just gotta say it Man, it feels like yesterday wasstill 2021

Ah, time flies when you're having fun!

Continue a dad joke:

What is the difference between a bird and a fly?

A Bird can Fly, but a Fly cannot Bird.

Continue a dad joke:

Yo mama so fat

she can hear fat people singing from three blocks away.

Continue a dad joke:

I caught the common cold this week, outside playing Pokémon Go

Funny enough, my friend got a rare cold. He’s holographic now

Continue a dad joke:

What’s the number one burger joint in Utah?

Five wives.

Continue a dad joke:

I broke up with my girlfriend who was cross eyed.

I guess we didn’t see eye to eye

Continue a dad joke:

Spider-Man drank too much and had to spend the night at the bar

He couldn’t find no way home.

Continue a dad joke:

This is the one time of the year it’s ok to disappoint people

No one gets mad when you drop the ball.

Continue a dad joke:

Betty White passed away last year.

It feels like it happened just yesterday.

Continue a dad joke:

Don’t forget that this year is the Year of the Owl!

Because it’s twenty twenty-hoo!

Continue a dad joke:

Tonight is my favorite night to be a dad

Because I get to say goodnight to my kids with "Alright, see you next year!"

Continue a dad joke:

Whatever you do, don't start pooping tonight at 11:59.

The last thing we want is the same shit, different year! Happy new year Reddit dads.

Continue a dad joke:

I had a gallon of milk but I could not drink it

It expired last year on December 31st.

Continue a dad joke:

I'm so tired. I feel like I haven't slept all year.

That's because it's a leap year!

Continue a dad joke:

It this sub dead?

There hasn't been a post all year!

Continue a dad joke:

What do you call an Asian guy with a camera?

Phil Ming

Continue a dad joke:

Don’t forget when you’re writing the date tomorrow, the first set of numbers in the new year is twenty.

The second set isn’t twenty too, it’s twenty-two.

Continue a dad joke:

I’m the headmaster at Richards school for boys

Guess you could say I’m the dickhead

Continue a dad joke:

Man I love my recliner

We go way back.

Continue a dad joke:

An old lady at the bank told me to check her balance

So I pushed her over

Continue a dad joke:

When does a dad joke become funny?

When it’s apparent.

Continue a dad joke:

Why did the zombie win the marathon

Because he was deadicated.

Continue a dad joke:

How do you secure a fish factory?

With lox.

Continue a dad joke:

Did you hear about the mumble rapper who got 10 years in jail

It was the first sentence he could actually finish

Continue a dad joke:

Did you hear about the guy who just couldn't figure out how to start a sentence

Yeah. He had real first word problems.

Continue a dad joke:

GPS could have been epic I think

Tag Team really missed out on a pivotal GPS tie-in. Instead of “You have reached your destination” we could have had “Whoomp. There it is!”

Continue a dad joke:

If earth wears stockings

Thighland

Continue a dad joke:

I question the state that I was in

confused

Continue a dad joke:

What happened to the deer when it got older?

It became an eldeer

Continue a dad joke:

Disappointed that 2022 is just 2020 too

I hope the next year will be 2020 free

Continue a dad joke:

The creator of the Hokey Pokey just died.

Every time they put his left foot in the casket, he put his left foot out.

Continue a dad joke:

Before you go to bed tonight

You can say see you next year

Continue a dad joke:

I knew a watchmaker who was beheaded.

He was ahead of his time.

Continue a dad joke:

My New Years resolution is to set more realistic expectations for myself

I’ve already failed

Continue a dad joke:

I remember back in 2015 I was being interviewed for a job.

With perfect vision!

Continue a dad joke:

Hindsight is 2020

but now we get to look forward to 2020 too.

Continue a dad joke:

My memory is sharper than ever!

I remember last year like it was yesterday...

Continue a dad joke:

What type of a drug is catnip?

A narcatic.

Continue a dad joke:

Why do bees hum?

Because they don’t know the words.

Continue a dad joke:

What did one snowman say to the other snow man

Do you smell carrot?

Continue a dad joke:

My wife's vision is perfect.

Mine on the other hand was terrible last year... But now, its 20-20 too

Continue a dad joke:

A blind man walks into a bar

And a table. And a door. And a staircase.

Continue a dad joke:

What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?

A bah-humbug.

Continue a dad joke:

Why do bears have hairy coats?

Fur protection.

Continue a dad joke:

Why don’t writers like typing the word sadness?

It’s two D pressing.

Continue a dad joke:

What does Gwen Stacy have in common with everyone who turned to dust during Infinity War's ending?

Both went out with a snap

Continue a dad joke:

What did the stamp say to the letter?

If you stick with me, you’ll go places.

Continue a dad joke:

Before the clock strikes midnight on Dec 31st

That way you will start off the new year on the right foot

Continue a dad joke:

Why was 50 cent hungry?

He couldn't afford the dollar menu

Continue a dad joke:

I like my sex like I like my bananas

No strings attached.

Continue a dad joke:

Why don't witches play cricket?

Because their Bats always fly away.

Continue a dad joke:

How do you find a dog lost in bel air

You look for fresh prints

Continue a dad joke:

I've been reading so many horrible things about smoking and drinking recently, that I've made a firm new years resolution

NO MORE READING..!!

Continue a dad joke:

I have a friend who was addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but he turned himself around

That's what it's all about!

Continue a dad joke:

What do they do to drivers who break the speed of light?

They send you to prism.

Continue a dad joke:

Starting the new year positive!

I got my covid test yesterday

Continue a dad joke:

I had a long lasting serious episode of feeling spinning and dizziness. I needed help, but I did not know

Vertigo

Continue a dad joke:

I once knew an Indian who drank so much tea.

He fell asleep and died in his tea pee.

Continue a dad joke:

I went out to an Indian restaurant last night. Had to call before hand to make sure I'd get a table.

Had to make an Indian reservation.

Continue a dad joke:

I don't like carpenter bees. They creep me out, boring into my porch swing– I don't know what they're up to– I make a point to kill em whenever I can

I'm a wood bee assassin

Continue a dad joke:

Polish jokes aren't offensive, they just aren't funny:

One bootblack said to the other, 'KIWI, what a joke...'

Continue a dad joke:

Is this sub still active?

There hasn't been a post all year!

Continue a dad joke:

How many letters are in alphabet?

There are 8 letters in alphabet

Continue a dad joke:

What did the lava say when he was finally reunited with his old friend water?

I mist you.

Continue a dad joke:

A joke from my 7 year old.

What plant makes calls? A call-iflower

Continue a dad joke:

It's the only carpet designed for snow....

Brrr-brrr

Continue a dad joke:

Did you hear about the Spanish vampire with multiple personality disorder?

They’re called Nosotrosferatu.

Continue a dad joke:

I just stepped on a Corn Flake

now I’m a cereal killer

Continue a dad joke:

Time flys like an arrow

Fruit flies like bananas!

Continue a dad joke: